


Shadow of my Heart

by Cordeliaheronstairsx



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 08:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 61,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12861150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cordeliaheronstairsx/pseuds/Cordeliaheronstairsx
Summary: After her parent's death, Cordelia Carstairs is sent to live with her parabatai Lucie Herondale in the London Institute along with James, the boy she has had her heart set on since she met him.Is her parent's death truly just a mundane accident, or was there something larger at play, more sinister.With the help of her friends, they will discovers truths about the people in their lives. But will knowing the truth, really set her free?





	1. Life on Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Throughout the story I will be using snippets from The Last Hours released from Cassandra Clare. I'm not stealing them, simply appreciating them and using them to add extra elements into the story. 
> 
> Most characters are also created by Cassandra Clare

# Chapter 1: Life on Fire

_In the fall of 1902 Cordelia Carstairs parents died from a fire that erupted in their home in paris. Her brother Alastair and Cordelia were on patrol in the city, when they got back to their house all they could see was debris, smoke, and flames where their home used to be._

Cordelia put her hand to her sword Cortana to give her strength and started to run towards the flames when Alastair caught her arm and pulled her back to the sidewalk.

“But mother and father, we have to help them, Alastair. Let go they are still in there.”

“It’s too late Cordelia. The fire has already spread to the roof. We should call the clave.” She turned to look back at her brother, a gleam of anger and confusion was in her eyes.

“So we are to just stand here watch our home and parents be burned to the ground?” Cordelia struggled to get out of her brother’s grip but it was firm and ungiving.

“We do what we are ordered to do and now, that is to report to the clave what has happened”. Cordelia glared at Alastair and looked at him as if he was no longer her brother. That he hadn’t been her brother for a long time. He let her go and grabbed his stele to send a fire message. Cordelia couldn’t take her eyes off their once beautiful, parisian home where she had so many memories. Not all were good, most of them were her mother scolding her to be more ladylike or her father saying she should be more responsible like her brother. She wiped the tears that had escaped from her eyes. She hadn’t cried since she was young and the feeling of her throat and eyes stinging was unfamiliar. She tried to take a deep breath but she choked on the smoke.

She could hear wagons coming near and her neighbors yelling in a panic but she didn’t move, didn’t say a word.

“They should be here soon” Cordelia hadn’t noticed her brother come up behind her.

“Where will we go?” Alastair didn’t reply. She whispered under her breath so low she wasn’t even sure herself if she spoke or not.

“Ave atque vale mother and father. _Delam barat tang shode_ _,_ _man asheghe shoma hastam._ ”

 

It wasn’t long before the Inquisitor and the Silent Brothers were there along with the High Warlock of Paris, Cain Clack. Mr. Clack was working on clearing the debris and putting out the flames, red sparks came out of his hands while doing this. The Inquisitor walked toward Alastair, who was standing and analyzing the situation as if he was playing some integral role in the situation, and Cordelia who was sitting on the road holding a piece of paper that looked like it had once been part of a book but the edges had been charred away.

“The Silent Brothers are taking a look around the house to see what caused the fire” The Inquisitor took a look back at the house as if just realizing they could no longer live there, “ Miss Carstairs you have a parabatai don’t you?”

“Yes, Lucie Herondale”. She missed Lucie dearly. Her best friend, her parabatai. She hadn’t seen Lucie in almost a year. Sona, Cordelia’s mother, and Tessa would take them to Alicante to spend time with each other or Tessa would take Lucie to Paris. Sona hated London which made it difficult for Cordelia to see Lucie.

“Ah yes, daughter of William Herondale.” He looked at Cordelia trying to deciding if what he was thinking was a smart idea, “You will stay at the London Institute with your parabatai for the time being. I will send a fire message to the Institute that they should be expecting your arrival.”

“I would like to request that I be sent to the London Institute as well,” Alastair spoke in a posh voice that made Cordelia’s ears hurt like someone had put nails to a chalkboard. It was the voice he would use with anyone with a higher position than him to make himself seem more distinguished. To Cordelia, it was just annoying, “I went to the Academy with Mr. Herondale’s son and I do not like the idea of my sister being left alone with him.” Cordelia rolled her eyes.

“ _Pateh kesi rā ruye āb rikhtan._ You don’t even know him and besides it wouldn’t be as if I’d be _alone_ with him”. Cordelia smiled as she remembered the golden eyed boy she had met when she was young. She thought he was beautiful with his uniquely bright gold eyes and his contrastingly dark hair. She hadn’t seen him since she was fourteen when both of their families had been visiting Idris. Alastair looked at her like she had just cursed in front of the Inquisitor. Like their mother, Alastair didn’t approve of using Farsi when there were others around who didn’t know the language. Cordelia didn’t care, she loved speaking Farsi and if it annoyed her brother then that was even better.

The Inquisitor coughed awkwardly, “I’ll talk to the warlock about obtaining a portal to London.”

 

Cordelia walked up to what used to be the front porch of her house and she entered what remained of the entry way and drawing room. Everything around her was black, she was still wearing her gear from earlier which made her almost blend in with her destroyed home. The only way she could see around her was from the moonlight coming in through the now burned and exposed roof. She climbed up what was left of the stair case, being careful not to go too close to where the banister had been burned away. When she made it to the second floor she went to where her room was and took in the sight of her ashen room. This was the bedroom in which she had first touched Cortana, this was the room where she had her first kiss from a parisian boy in the neighborhood. This was the bedroom where she stayed up late writing to Lucie about the latest pranks she had played on Alastair and the latest adventures she had gone on. It was not her only bedroom, she had a bedroom in Carstairs manor in Idris, but still, it was special to her because Paris was special to her. She turned to where her closet would be and saw burned scraps of material. She sighed and looked to her clothing trunk that was at the foot of her soot rudden bed. It was also black but at least it was still intact. She opened it and the bright material inside contrasted greatly amongst the grey and black of the room. Relieved that she at least had a few clothes that had survived changed out of her gear and into a dark blue dress. She closed the trunk and tried to wipe it as clean as she could with her already dirtied gear. She carried the trunk downstairs but not without a last glance towards her parent’s bedroom. _Is that where her parents died? Did they even notice the fire? Did they suffer?_

She carefully walked down the stairs and set the trunk down by where the front door used to be. She could see Alastair following the Inquisitor around like a puppy dog. She walked towards the back of the house to where the library was, braced herself, and pushed the door opened. It only opened a quarter of the way, so she slid through the opening and saw what prevented the door from opening.  A book case had fallen against the door and hundreds of books, or what used to be books, scattered the floor in charred, ashed piles. The library had been one of Cordelia’s favorite places. It was the only time her father had shown much interest in her. They would talk about all the books he had collected over the years, from all over the world. Cordelia hadn’t read all of them, not even a quarter of them, but they were comforting to her and the ones she had read had been brilliant new worlds she could lose herself in when she was younger.

 _What has been lost cannot be replaced._ Said a voice in her mind that was not her own. She looked behind her towards the door and saw parchment colored robes, a clear indicator of the Silent Brothers.

“Brother Zachariah, did you know my father well?” Cordelia knew Brother Zachariah was the youngest of the Silent Brothers but he looked ancient. She also knew he had once been a Carstairs.

 _A time ago, when I was just a boy I met him. My father’s brother. Then I met him again when you and your brother were born and then again on your parabatai ceremony._ The Herondales were very close with Brother Zachariah and even called him by his Christian name, Jem. James was even named after him. It had always struck her mother as strange and unnatural the Herondale’s relationship with him, but Cordelia had caught her father once looking at Mr. and Mrs. Herondale speaking with Brother Zachariah with fondness, there was also a sort of sadness in that look which Cordelia had never understood. _But no, I did not know him well._

“Cordelia the warlock is read-, oh pardon me Brother Zachariah.” Alastair looked confused as to why Brother Zachariah would be talking to his sister in their burned down library.

“You mean Mr. Clack.” Cordelia reminded her brother. Alastair had a prejudicious habit of calling downworlders by their race instead of their name. He turned and walked away from them without another word.

 _You will feel more at peace once you are with your parabatai again._ He said it as if he were completely certain of it and Cordelia hoped he was right. _Remember that the Carstairs owe the Herondales._

“I will.” She said and then she was left alone with her thoughts. Even in the room that for so many years brought her comfort, she could not suppress the utter loneliness and grief she felt.

 

 

_After Note:_

_Delam barat tang shode_ is Farsi for I miss you or literally, my heart becomes tight for you. 

 _Man asheghe shoma hastam_ is Farsi for I love you.

 _Pateh kesi rā ruye āb rikhtan_ is a Persian idiom that is similar to the phrase, I call your bluff.

 

 


	2. The Cranky Warlock

# Chapter 2: The Cranky Warlock

The portal ride to London made Cordelia’s stomach lurch. Mr. Clack’s fire message to the High Warlock of London, Mr. Fell, went unanswered so Cordelia and Alastair were portaled directly to Mr. Fell’s doorstep. Cordelia had a feeling Mr. Clack didn’t enjoy having his fire message ignored.

“I'm assuming we ring the bell?” Cordelia said to her brother. Alastair rang the bell. After a few minutes of no answer Alastair rang again.

“Are you sure you are doing that right?” Cordelia asked amused. Her brother glared at her.

“If you think you are so smart, why don’t you try.” Alastair turned away from the door and walked out to the street. Cordelia rang the bell and the door swung open.

“What do you shadowhunters think you are doing disturbing me while I rest!” The man who opened the door was surprisingly green and had horns on his head. Cordelia hadn’t know very many warlocks but she hoped that they weren’t all cranky.

“Pardon us Mr. Fell but Mr. Clack tried to reach you. He portaled us from Paris and we were meant to go to the London Institute.” Mr. Fell looked Cordelia up and down and then looked behind her at Alastair trying to read a map of London which was in fact, upside down.

“Is he with you?” Mr. Fell asked concerned.

“Unfortunately.” Cordelia took a breath and tried to push down her rising concern that she was in a city she knew not much about, stuck with her brother for who knows how long, and will have to explain the story of how her parents died to a warlock who obviously didn’t care much for strangers, shadowhunter strangers at that. “My name is Cordelia Carstairs and that is my brother Alastair Carstairs. We wish not to trouble you but we would much appreciate a way to get to the London Institute.” Mr. Fell looked between Cordelia and Alastair who had finally noticed that she had gotten the door opened.

“Fine come inside, my magic has been depleted providing a task that your dear Institute had to have done so you are going to have to wait till the morning.” He then began cursing under his breath about shadowhunters in his home. They walked inside the lobby of the apartment building and began walking up the flights to Mr. Fell’s floor.

“I think it would be best if you didn’t speak. He is already not very happy.” Cordelia said to Alastair walking up the flights of stairs while dragging her clothing trunk behind her, resisting the urge to draw a stamina rune.

“He never is, _I’m_ the one who had him as a professor why should _you_ be the only one to speak to him.”

“Because your ego tends to be a bit off putting to, well, everyone.” Alastair glared at her but surprisingly kept quiet.

Finally they got to Mr. Fell’s floor and he opened the door to the apartment.

“Ragnor what took so long? Who was at the door?” A woman’s voice rang through the apartment. Alastair and Cordelia looked at each other surprised. Why would Mr. Fell have a woman in his apartment in the middle of the night if not-

“Shadowhunters. Children.” Mr. Fell replied sounding not very happy about the fact.The woman came into view and Cordelia could see that she was also a warlock. Her warlock’s mark was that her skin was a pale blue color that reminded her of the sky in Idris.

“I’m eighteen.” Alastair said sounding offended that someone had called him a child, much less a warlock. Cordelia glared at Alastair warning him to keep his mouth shut.

“Like I said, children.” Mr. Fell said sounding tired.

“Are you two?” Cordelia’s eyes darted back and forth between the Mr. Fell and the pretty, blue woman. A choking sound came out of Mr. Fell’s throat.

“That is preposterous and I refuse to acknowledge what you are insinuating. I’m going to sleep, if you need me. _Don’t_.” he walked into a bedroom and slammed the door and locked it.

“Sorry about him. He hasn’t been sleeping well. Ragnor and I have been close friends for longer than I’d like to admit.” She stepped towards Cordelia and Alastair, “My name is Catarina Loss, but you may call me Catarina. It looks as if you lot have had a long day so why don’t you take the rooms over there.” She pointed to the far side of the apartment where Cordelia could see three doors.

“Thank you Miss Loss and tell Mr. Fell thank you as well for his hospitality.” Cordelia said in the kindest voice she could muster. She was thankful but too much had happened in one day and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep up the charade. Miss Loss looked at her curiously and nodded at her then walked to one of the three rooms and closed the door behind her. Now that they were alone Cordelia had a chance to look around at the apartment. It looked old; like it hadn’t been redecorated since long before the turn of the century and the apartment was cluttered with items that looked like they belonged in a museum, not a musty apartment. Papers lined the floors and most of the walls. Many in languages Cordelia had never seen before.

A memory suddenly popped into Cordelia’s mind. One of her James when they were children. He had read to her a few lines of a book he was reading which was in latin. At the time, Cordelia hadn’t been proficient in Latin, making it impossible for her to understand what James was reading to her. However, she liked the way the words sounded. The way James expertly pronounced every line, every syllable. She couldn’t understand the words but the way James said them told a story of their own. One of adventures and love. Of voyages in far off lands where people died for passion and honor. _“Do you like it, Daisy?”_

Cordelia was awaken from her memories by her brother’s footsteps behind her.

“We should get some rest.” Alastair turned to go to one of the bedrooms until Cordelia spoke.

“Aren’t you upset?” Cordelia asked, her voice cracked but Alastair stood motionless with his back to her. “Mother and father are dead, we have no house, we lost everything we owned in a fire that the Silent Brothers won’t even say how was caused and all you are thinking about is sleep?” Cordelia had suddenly become furious. How could he act like nothing happened? How could he be so calm? How would he be even able to sleep? Without turning around Alastair spoke in a calm voice, but Cordelia could tell there was an edge to his voice.

“Shadowhunters lose their families everyday, a house is just a house, our things that are gone are just things, and the Silent Brothers don’t have to tell anyone anything. If you don’t already know these things then you had better learn.” And with that he walked to one of the rooms and slammed the door.

 

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there in the drawing room of the musty apartment. Cordelia yearned for the first time in years the latin book that James had read to her. To finally understand the words he had spoken to her. But knew she’d never find it amongst the hundreds of random books strewn about. She couldn’t even remember the title. When she finally went to the last empty room she noticed the dark night sky had become lighter. The room wasn’t a bedroom but a storage room for more of Mr. Fell’s artifacts but there was a dusty couch pushed against one of the walls. Cordelia slid her trunk inside the room, brushed off the couch as much as she could, and laid down. She didn’t sleep that night and at some point she had stopped crying. In that moment, she promised herself that she would be strong and that she would not cry again because nothing could be worse than what she had just gone through. She laid there in her loneliness and moved her hand to her shoulder where her parabatai rune was. She felt it pulse beneath her touch and realized that the feeling of a chord pulling taught inside her had loosened. Her parabatai was close.

 

Cordelia wasn’t sure what time it was but when she heard voices outside the storage room she decided to get up. There was an old, antique mirror hanging on one of the walls in the room and Cordelia stood in front of it. The blue dress she was wearing was covered in ash and soot at the bottom and had wrinkled from being slept on. Her long, red hair was tangled and she smelled like smoke. She went into her trunk and took out a dark green dress. She put it on and looked at herself in the mirror. She still looked retched but at least the green would compliment her hair. That was something her mother would have said. _Mader._

Her mother had taught her Farsi. Sona was born in Persia and had came to Paris when she was eighteen and never looked back. Cordelia loved learning Farsi and French. It was one of the few times Cordelia could remember her mother being proud of her. Even though her mother scolded her for slipping Farsi or French into her English, she knew her mother was proud of her. At least that is what she told herself. Pushing the thoughts away she combed through her hair with her hands as best she could. Once she gave up on her hair she packed away her dirty dress into the trunk and was about to turn towards the door when there was a knock.

“Come in.” Cordelia said. Miss Loss came into the room and coughed immediately.

“Ragnor truly needs to clean out these old rooms. I hope it wasn’t too terrible to sleep in.”

“I slept fine.” Cordelia lied. Miss Loss looked at her and gave her a pitying look obviously seeing right through it but nodding anyways.

“Paris is quite a ways away and all you brought was a trunk and your brother didn’t bring anything.” Miss Loss walked across the room and sat on the couch.

“We travel light” Cordelia tried to sound as light as she could but Miss Loss shook her head. Cordelia took a deep breath. “There was a fire. All of our belongings were destroyed except for those.” Cordelia nodded towards the blackened trunk. Miss Loss looked at the trunk and back at Cordelia.

“And your parents? Surely if they could have prevented you from staying the night in a warlock’s apartment, they would have.” Cordelia expected her to have said it with hatred in her voice but she just stared at Cordelia waiting for her reply.

“They died in the fire.” Miss Loss nodded her head as if that was what she expected. “That’s why we were sent to the London Institute, that’s where my parabatai is.” Miss Loss nodded again and then looked at the trunk.

“Well,” Miss Loss placed her hands on her lap and looked around the room, “if you are to be staying in London you will need a bit more clothes than that.” She waved her hands and whitish, blue sparks erupted from them. Several dresses appeared on the dusty couch. They were a rich material with bright colors. They were beautiful.

“Miss Loss, I could never accept these. Truly, I’m alright with what I have. Besides I have no where to put them.” Cordelia was still looking at the dresses. Miss Loss laughed.

“I told you, call me Catarina, Miss Loss makes me feel old. The dresses look to be your size and the colors suit you so it would be a waste of my magic to send them back.” Catarina smiled at Cordelia and Cordelia smiled back. “As for a place to put them” she waved her hands and the dresses disappeared along with her blackened trunk. “Delivered to the Institute.” Cordelia stared at Catarina in amazement.

“I’m glad not all warlocks are a cranky as Mr. Fell.” Catarina gave a surprised laugh.

“He’s not always so bad. We had quite a time in Peru once.” Catarina looked towards the door, “I suppose we should get some things for your brother as well.” She waved her hands and Cordelia assumed that equally beautiful suits were delivered to the Institute.

“Thank you Catarina, I don’t know how we could ever repay you.” Cordelia said in awe of how someone who has most likely been treated terribly by shadowhunters before her, could be the only person who showed Cordelia a shred of kindness.

“I can see in your eyes that you have a kind yet strong soul. It will be what makes you survive this time in your life. Take them as a reminder that not all warlocks are cranky.” With that she got up and walked towards the door. As she opened it she looked back at Cordelia, “I knew the Herondales a long time ago, you will be safe with them.” She left the room and shut the door. Cordelia stood looking at her dress in the mirror. The dresses Catarina conjured for her, they were nicer than the ones she lost and she thought back to what Brother Zachariah said to her in the library. _What has been lost cannot be replaced_.

 

Cordelia walked out of her room and saw Alastair and Mr. Fell looking rather uncomfortable sitting on a couch across from each other. When Mr. Fell saw Cordelia he looked immediately relieved.

“The horse and carriage are waiting downstairs. Wish I could say it was a pleasure, but-” Mr. Fell turned around without finishing his sentence and went back into his room. Alastair walked towards the front door and looked back at Cordelia

“Your trunk?” He asked, clearly thinking she was some forgetful girl who shouldn’t be aloud out by herself or else liable to forget her head.

“Taken care of brother, no need to give me that disapproving look.” He rolled his eyes and took Cortona out of her hand and strapped it to his belt. Cordelia looked at her brother as if he had slapped her.

“It would look a bit peculiar to mundanes if they saw a woman with a fighting sword.” Alastair said noticing the look she was giving him and with that they walked down the stairs which were much easier going down without a trunk.


	3. The London Institute

#  Chapter 3: The London Institute

 

_ *Disclaimer: I used some of the snippets Cassie released because I love them don’t hate* _

The carriage ride to the Institute was long and bumpy. Alastair kept muttering things that their mother would have said about the streets being dirty. 

“Do you think father grew up here in the city?” Alastair said which shocked Cordelia. 

“I- I’m not sure. He never talked much about London because of mother.” Alastair nodded and continued looking out the window. They rode in silence the rest of the way until the carriage hit a dip in the road causing the carriage to bounce and shake. 

“These streets truly are the worst, mother was right.”

 

Cordelia’s head was propped against her arm up against the window. As they drew nearer to the institute Cordelia could feel the chord in her becoming looser and less painful. She had lived with the pain constantly for three years because of how far apart her and Lucie were but with the pain dulling she nudged Alastair who had his eyes closed. They flew open.

“We are almost there.” Cordelia said.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know, I can feel it.” she patted her shoulder where her parabatai rune was, “Here”. Alastair nodded, not quite sure if he believed her. 

 

“Mum!” Lucie cried out walking through the halls of the London Institute. James had just gotten to the part in his book where the boy had received a letter from a mysterious benefactor detailing that he was to become a gentleman, but, with his sister’s yelling he could not help but wonder what she had to tell their mother. They had received a fire message the night before from the Inquisitor that there had been a fire in Paris leaving Alastair and Cordelia Carstairs parentless and homeless,  in need of a place to live. Since Cordelia and his sister were parabatai and their parents ran an Institute, it was the most fitting that they came to live with them. The Inquisitor said that they would be arriving by portal meaning they should have arrived soon after the fire message. The family had stayed up most of the night waiting for them to arrive but they never showed. “Mum where are you?” Lucie continued to cry out. 

“Drawing room” James heard his mother call out in reply from the other side of the hall. He was in the library where he did most of his reading, surrounded by his favorite characters and adventures. James got down from the window seal and walked out of the room towards the drawing room. 

“She’s coming close!” Lucie told mother. “I thought I felt it last night but now I am sure!” 

“Herondales and Carstairs have a strong bond to each other.” said his father. James’ father had a parabatai who was a Carstairs before him or Lucie were born. He was even named after him. James thought of Alastair and a shiver ran through his spine at the thought of Alastair and him having a bond. He’d rather have demon pox. 

“I can feel it! I always feel it when we visit each other, but now, it's much stronger.” Lucie said clutching her parabatai rune on her shoulder. James instinctively clutched his side right under his ribs where his parabatai rune with Matthew Fairchild was. 

“Emotions can strengthen it, when one is hurt, or deeply sad, or incredibly happy, the other one can feel it too.” His father said smiling to himself. He glanced toward James’ mother and she smiled back at him. James was standing in the doorway to the drawing room when Matthew came up behind him and slapped him on the shoulder. 

“Now everyone,” his mother began, “Alastair and Cordelia just lost their family, their home. So I expect everyone to be on their best behavior.” Tessa looked at the two boys in the doorway, “Especially you two.” she said firmly. 

“Don’ t worry Mrs. Herondale, we are always on our best behavior. Aren’t we Jamie?” Matthew gave his award winning smile that always got him what he wanted. His mother couldn’t fight the smile that spread onto her face. All of a sudden there was the sound of horses and a carriage outside the institute.

“That should be them.” Tessa said and everyone rushed out the room except for James. He wasn’t quite ready to see Alastair's smug, prejudice face. He strode to the window and looked out to see his family piling out onto the steps outside the institute watching a carriage come. When the carriage turned to get ready to let the occupants out, James saw through the window a glimpse of red and had a strange thought that that might be one of his favorite colors, maybe it had been a long time ago and he just hadn’t realized that it had been till now.

  
  


When Cordelia and Alastair finally reached the institute, people were already outside ready to accept them. The carriage came to a halt and the door opened. The man who opened it was Mr. Herondale. He held out a hand for Cordelia to take and she did. She slid out of the carriage and just as she had, a boy with a mop of dark hair was jogging down the stairs to join the rest of the group. She didn’t even need to see his face to know that it was James. That dark hair was just like his father’s. 

"Cordelia Carstairs," Will said, after she let go of his hand. "How pretty you've become." Cordelia felt herself smile. If Will thought she was pretty, perhaps his son thought so, too. Of course Mr. Herondale was entirely prejudiced toward all things Carstairs. He even thought Alastair was perfect. Alastair slid out of the carriage and greeted Mr. Herondale. Cordelia looked to the rest of the people waiting on the steps. Cordelia looked over to where James was. He was staring at her with an intensity that she had never seen from those bright golden eyes. She then saw Lucie and Lucie rushed towards her and enveloped her in a hug. The rune on her shoulder pulsed and leaped. Cordelia felt as if she had been stranded in a desert for years and had finally had a sip of water. Lucie let go and took Cordelia’s hand in hers.

“I wish we were seeing each other under different circumstances.” Lucie said with sadness in her eyes “But I have missed you dearly Cordy”. 

“Me too, Luce.” Lucie led Cordelia to the others. 

“You of course know Mum and Dad and you remember Jamie?” She asked. As if Cordelia could have forgotten. Cordelia nodded and smiled at James. He was much taller now and broader, much like the pictures Lucie had sent her of her father when he was younger. James nodded and smiled a smile that made her breath hitch in the back of her throat. “And this is Matthew Fairchild, James’ parabatai. I don’t believe you've met before.” Cordelia looked at Matthew. He had golden blond hair, bright blue eyes, and a smile that Cordelia could tell, made him extremely good at persuasion. He extended and offered his hand to Cordelia, she placed her hand in his.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you” Cordelia said.

“The pleasure is mine.” Matthew replied and kissed the back of her hand. He released her hand when Alastair and Will joined the group. 

“Alastair, you remember James and Matthew? You three attended the Academy for a time if I recall.” Cordelia said to her brother.

“Before we got expelled.” Matthew interjected with a nudge towards James and they laughed. Alastair, however, only looked annoyed. 

“Why don’t we go in for some breakfast?” Tessa suggested trying to diffuse the tension. 

“Wonderful idea, Tess” replied Will and offered his hand to Tessa to help her up the Institute steps. Alastair followed immediately not wanting to be left behind with the rest of them. 

“Please excuse my brother, he can be quite a-”

“Arse, pig, piece of someting that somes out of another animal?” Matthew suggested lightheartedly as if he hadn’t come up with three different insults for her brother. 

“I was going to say a twat, but yes, those work as well.” Cordelia said and Matthew and James began laughing.

“I like you Cordelia Carstairs,” said Matthew offering his arm to her, “I believe we are going to be very good friends.” Cordelia took Matthew’s arm and the four of them strolled up the steps of the Institute that would become Cordelia’s new home. Whether she wanted it to be or not. 

 

“We were wondering how a trunk full of dresses and suits made it mysteriously into the Institute.” Tessa said as she was spreading butter onto her slice of toast. 

“Sorry about that,” Cordelia said with a sheepish grin, “and we apologise for having you wait for us last night to arrive. I suppose Mr. Clack was a bit put out with Mr. Fell for not answering his fire message.” The dining hall was bright and full of windows letting in the morning light. Will was having a conversation with Alastair about a sort of demon brawl he had. Matthew was imitating the way that Alastair spoke to Will in his posh voice and James was laughing at him. Lucie was writing intensely on loose pieces of paper with a scone half eaten laying on one of the papers. And Tessa was eating her toast and sipping her tea while watching Cordelia as she took the scene in.  

“Don’t worry about that dear, we can’t control everything.” Tessa said reassuringly. Cordelia smiled to herself. If it had been her mother in Tessa’s place she would have been twenty minutes deep into a rant about the importance of punctuality. Cordelia scolded herself for having these not so generous thoughts about her mother. She would give anything to have her mother yell at her for not being lady like if it meant she’d have her family back. 

“How was Ragnor’s flat? No one alive has ever seen the inside. He keeps it quite private.” Matthew spoke as he shoveled oatmeal into his mouth. 

“It was-” Cordelia started

“Ancient.” Alastair finished. Matthew and James looked confused.

“Not exactly the apartment building but rather his possessions,” Cordelia clarified, “All of them looked as if they should have belonged in a museum.” 

“ _ He _ should belong in a museum.” Alastair murmured. Cordelia shot him a look that if could kill, Alastair would have been shredded into a million different pieces by Cortana which, admittedly, would have been difficult considering it was currently strapped to Alastair’s hip. But it was doable. 

“He took us in and gave us a place to sleep instead of walking however long it would have taken to the Institute. Besides, you didn’t have to sleep there,” Cordelia took a sip of her tea, “you could have slept in a ditch, perhaps you would have woken up in a better mood.” James choked on his scone. Cordelia could feel his eyes on her but she continued to drink her tea and look innocently at Alastair. It was Alastair’s turn to give Cordelia a death stare but Cordelia just smiled and brushed her hair back with her hand.

“Lucie, why don’t you show Cordelia where her room is.” Tessa said trying to change the subject. However Lucie was too enthralled in her writing to hear her mother. Cordelia took the hand that held Lucie’s pen and pulled her to a standing position Lucie protested but Cordelia led her out of the dining hall. 

“You know, I was in the middle of a dialogue” Lucie said clearly annoyed that Cordelia had interrupted her. 

“With who? Because from where I was sitting, it looked as if you were busy writing another story instead of preventing me from murdering my brother.” Lucie rolled her eyes but smiled. Lucie could never stay upset at Cordelia. 

“I don’t think anyone could keep you from doing anything Cordy.” Lucie said laughing. It was true. Cordelia didn’t enjoy taking orders, she and her mother had thousands of fights about it growing up. 

“But if anyone could, it would be you.” Cordelia said trying to sound happy but she couldn’t help herself from thinking about her parents. She wanted to lock herself in the nearest room and never come out. But that wasn’t how shadowhunters dealt with death. They handle it with respect and dignity and move on as quickly as possible instead of wallowing in it like she currently was. Lucie saw the change in her expression.

“Come on, your room is up here.” They walked through the halls and up one of the staircases. “This is Matthew’s room” Lucie pointed at a door on their right. “This is Christopher’s room and here is Thomas’.” Lucie pointed to two rooms side by side to the left. “Christopher is James and I’s cousin and Thomas is Christopher’s cousin but he is as much a part of our family as Christopher.” Cordelia nodded not listening but instead waiting for the name she knew was coming. “And this is Jamie’s room” she pointed to the room on her right. Cordelia looked at the door and couldn’t help herself from wondering what was behind it. Would his room be messy or tidy? Would he have dozens of books on his desk and on his bed? Or did he do most of his reading in the library like her? She shook her head trying to shake the thoughts from her mind. They kept walking through the corridors. Cordelia had no idea the London Institute was so large. The walls were lined with witchlight which cast a white light on the walls. Cordelia missed the yellow light from the gas light in her paris home. “Anna, Christopher’s older sister’s room is here.” she pointed at a door ahead of them. “She doesn’t stay here often. Too busy stringing naive girls around the city.” Lucie said laughing. Cordelia remembered from Lucie’s letters the adventures Anna had throughout London and immediately wished to go into London and ignore everything that was happening in her life. But was it fair to do so? To ignore her parent’s death. It seemed to be working for Alastair.  “And here are ours.” Lucie led Cordelia to the right of the corridor which led into the entryway of two rooms across from them. 

“They’re right next to each other.” Cordelia spoke in a quiet voice.

“I didn’t want to be away from you again.” Lucie smiled at Cordelia. Lucie opened the one on the right. “This is your room, Bridget placed your trunk in here and emptied the dresses into the wardrobe for you and put the suits in Alastair’s room.”

“Which is?”

“Fifth floor” Lucie said with a mischievous smile. “I figured it would be hard to run into him that way.” Lucie walked into the room and sat on the bed. 

“See, you are the only one who could stop me from murdering him.” Cordelia walked into the room and Lucie shut the door behind her. 

“So are we going to finally speak about it?” Lucie asked looking at Cordelia with her eyebrows raised. Cordelia walked to the window and looked out to the park that was next to the Institute. 

“What do you mean?” Cordelia asked innocently. Lucie huffed. 

“I know you aren’t alright. I could tell,” Lucie pointed to her shoulder, “Here.” Cordelia looked down at her dress. It smelled of ash. 

“I just wish the Silent Brothers would tell us what caused the fire.” 

“Do you think it was something other than a horrible accident?” Lucie asked.

“My mother was exemplary when it came to her house. Nothing was ever out of place. No candle or gas light was ever out of place and the fireplace was never used without it being spotless afterwards.” Cordelia had begun pacing in the room with Lucie staring after her. “I just don’t understand how it could have started.” Cordelia sat on the edge of the bed beside Lucie. 

“Are you sure you aren’t just upset that your parents died, and in a mundane accident nevertheless that prevents their ashes from being spread in the Silent City?” Lucie questioned good naturedly. 

“Of course I am, but I also believe that there is something the Silent Brothers aren’t telling us.” Cordelia sighed and laid back on the bed putting her hands to her face. “I know I sound mad but everything is happening so fast and there is so much that I don’t know. There’s more.” Cordelia said hesitantly. Lucie turned her body so she was facing towards Cordelia. “Alastair and I weren’t even supposed to be out patrolling last night. Mother said she wasn’t feeling well so Alastair and I volunteered to go so Father could take care of her.” Neither of the girls said anything for a minute. 

“I’ll talk to mum about the Silent Brothers and see if she could talk to Uncle Jem.” Lucie stroked Cordelia’s long hair that was sprawled on the bed. “In the meantime let's get your mind off this topic and take a walk outside. Some fresh air would do you well.” 

 

Lucie and Cordelia walked toward the entrance of the Institute when they ran into Lucie’s father and James.

“We are going to take a walk to the park so I can show Cordelia around.” Lucie announced.

“Take your brother will you, there have been strange demon sightings lately and you are behind in your training because of all that writing you do.” Lucie looked down at her dress and Will put his arm around her. He understood her need to write down the stories that came into her head and couldn’t make her feel bad for them. Cordelia looked to James who smiled at her and went back to reading the book that was in his hands. 

 

Lucie and her walked arm in arm through the park that was next to the Institute. Cordelia glanced over her shoulder. 

“Is it — I mean, are we being dreadfully rude asking your brother to walk behind us?”

“Not a bit,” Lucie assured her. “Look at him. He’s quite distracted, reading.” And he was. James was still calmly reading while he walked. Though he seemed entirely caught up in whatever he was perusing, he nevertheless skirted oncoming passers-by, the occasional rock or fallen branch, and once even a small boy holding a hoop, with admirable grace. Cordelia suspected that if she had tried such a stunt, she would have crashed into a tree. 

“You’re so lucky,” Cordelia said, wistfully, still looking over her shoulder at James.

“Goodness me, why?” Lucie looked at her with wide eyes. Where James’ eyes were gold, Lucie’s were a pretty pale blue, a shade lighter than her father’s. The famous dark blue Herondale eyes had gone to Will’s sister’s children. Cordelia’s head snapped back around. 

“Oh, because —“ Because you get to spend time with James every day? She doubted Lucie thought that was any special gift; one didn’t, when it was one’s family. “He’s such a good older brother. If I’d asked Alastair to walk ten paces behind me in a park he would have made sure to stick by my side the entire time just to be annoying.”

“Pfft!” Lucie exhaled. “Of course I adore Jamie but he’s been dreadful lately, ever since he fell in love.” She might as well have dropped an incendiary device on Cordelia’s head. Everything seemed to fly apart around her.

“He’s what?”

“Fallen in love,” Lucie repeated, with the look of someone enjoying imparting a bit of gossip. “Oh, he won’t say with who, of course, because it’s Jamie and he never tells us anything. But Father’s diagnosed him and he says it’s definitely love.”

“You make it sound like consumption.” Cordelia’s head was whirling with dismay. James in love? With who? The look he had given her when she stepped down from the carriage, perhaps she had imagined that?

“Well, it is a bit, isn’t it? He gets all pale and moody and stares off out of windows like Keats.”

“Did Keats stare out of windows? I don’t recall hearing that.” Lucie plowed on, undeterred by the question of whether England’s foremost romantic poet did or did not stare out of windows.

“He won’t say anything to anyone but Matthew, and Matthew is a tomb where James is concerned. I heard a bit of their conversation once by accident, though —“

“Accident?” Cordelia raised an eyebrow not believing a single word of it.

“I may have been hiding beneath a table,” said Lucie, with dignity. “But it was only because I had lost an earring and was looking for it.” Cordelia suppressed a smile.

“Go on.”

“He is definitely in love, and Matthew definitely thinks he is being foolish. He does not like her.“ Cordelia’s heart felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.

“And he still loves her? Even if his parabatai doesn’t approve?”

“Jamie loves Matthew to death but he is stubborn and if he puts his mind to something” Lucie paused and looked behind her to make sure James was out of earshot. “Nothing will stand in his way. He’s a bit like you in that way.”  Cordelia didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say anything. She felt like her life couldn’t get any worse. “What is it like?” Lucie asked startling Cordelia out of her thoughts.

“What is what like?”

“Waking up to an entirely different life?” Lucie asked in half sadness half daydreaming. 

“It’s not something I would wish on anyone.” Cordelia said and squeezed Lucie’s arm. “But at least I have you.”

“My family is your family.” said Lucie, Cordelia wished she could believe it. 


	4. Shadow in the Library

#  Chapter 4: Shadow in the Library

The rest of the day was spent with Cordelia trying to find some normalcy by training with Lucie. She kept training even after Lucie returned to her room to finish the dialogue she was working on at breakfast. Throwing daggers, falling from the beams in the training room roof, and practicing with Cortana made Cordelia forget her troubles for a short time. Training always cleared her head and got her to stop thinking. When her mother was being unbearable, her father too busy to notice her, or Alastair being his irritating self, training always made her feel as if the world was right and everything would be okay.

Later that night after dinner, Lucie walked Cordelia down the corridor of the Institute. 

“So are you ever tell me where we are going?” questioned Cordelia. 

“You’ll see.” laughed Lucie. She was smiling at Cordelia and but Cordelia couldn’t quite smile back. 

“Because I think I’d rather like to go to my room, take a bath, and sleep for the rest of my short shadowhunter life.” 

“I know and I don’t blame you but I think I know what might cheer you up.” Lucie took Cordelia’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly. They approached a door and Lucie reached to open it. 

 

After dinner Matthew went to his room to write his mother and father one of his weekly letters so James went to the library. His hand brushed against the hundreds of books his mother and father worked hard to maintain. Oscar Wilde, Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters. All of them he had read thousands of times and all of them were like old friends that kept him company. He picked up  _ A Tale of Two Cities _ , it was one of his mother and father’s favorite books. They had two copies of the book but James took the one that on the inside cover had an inscription that his father had written to his mother when they were his age. When he was a child he would read the love letter his father had written his mother and dreamed about writing one to a girl he loved. However, now that he was in love he wished he never had that dream. Grace Blackthorn was the coldest person he had ever met but he was irrevocably in love with her. If he could turn back the clock and never meet her he would have done it. She probably wouldn’t even care if someone wrote her a love letter in a book. He set the book on the chair when he heard someone at the door. He deeply didn’t want to have a conversation with anyone so he changed himself into a shadow and slipped to the far side of the room. 

 

Lucie pulled Cordelia into the library.

“Lucie I truly wish to go to my bedroom-” Cordelia looked around her and saw the thousands of books that lined the walls and went all the way to the high ceiling. 

“I remembered you telling me how the library in your home was the one place that could comfort you.” Cordelia was overwhelmed by the thousands of titles in front of her eyes. Her library in her home had been a small room that was also her father’s study. This room seemed a hundred times the size of the one she grew up with. Cordelia tore her eyes from the titles and looked at Lucie and smiled. 

“Now that may have been the first real smile I’ve seen from you all day.” Lucie said proudly. “Go ahead, take it all in.”  Lucie plopped herself in a chair by the fireplace to read a book that had been lying on the chair. Dickens, Bronte, Collins, Beckford, Shakespeare, books that she recognized from her father’s library, books she had never seen before, books that she had never heard of before, and books that were in languages she couldn’t read despite being fluent in English, French, Farsi, and half decent at Latin. A cold feeling pricked at her neck and she suddenly felt as if she was been being watched. She turned around and looked to Lucie who was still flipping through her book, she looked at the book cases across the room but she didn’t see anyone. She was surely mad. She couldn’t explain it but she felt as if someone else was in the room. Someone she couldn’t see. She shook her head. Lucie had told her of the ghost who was their Auntie Jessie. Maybe it was just her keeping a watchful eye on Lucie. 

 

James shifted himself to sit on the floor when Cordelia turned her head and looked around the room. James held his breath. She continued to look around the room by where he was sitting. She couldn’t see him could she? No. It was impossible. Nobody could see him. Well, except for Matthew, but Matthew was special, he was his parabatai. Cordelia turned back to the books. She looked at the books like she was admiring a piece of art or a orchestra that was playing her favorite music. What was Cordelia’s favorite music? He shook his head to get rid of the thought. James wished he could reach out and grab a book from one of the shelves next to him but then it would look as if a book was floating and being read by a shadow. And then how was he supposed to explain that he had wanted to hide from his own sister and her parabatai. 

“What book are you looking for?” Lucie asked without looking up from the book James had thrown on the chair. 

“There was a book I remember from when I was younger, one that was written in Latin. I can’t remember the title though and the last time i saw it, it was in Idris so it’s most likely not here.” Cordelia babbled. James strained his brain trying to think.

“You speak latin? I mean other than all those quotes we are meant to remember, ‘pulvis et umbra sumus’, ‘sed lex, dura lex’, Et cetera, et cetera”. 

“I’m fairly sure that last one wasn’t one of them.” Cordelia said while pulling out Dante’s  _ Inferno _ along with Dicken’s  _ Great Expectations _ and  _ The Underground City  _ by Jules Verne. “Thank you Luce, for everything that you and your family are doing for me and my brother.” Cordelia walked to where Lucie was sitting and sat on the arm of the chair.

“Well I don’t think we were necessarily doing it for Alastair, but you're welcome Cordy.” She grabbed Cordelia’s hand, “ For whither thou goest, I will go, And where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people . Remember?” Lucie smiled and so did Cordelia. 

James then began thinking of Matthew and the day they became parabatai. It was the best day of James’ life. The day when somebody had chosen James to be best friends, more than best friends, even more than brothers, for the rest of their lives. And not just somebody, Matthew Fairchild. Charismatic, funny, intelligent Matthew who had the infamous smile that could get him in or out of anything. 

Cordelia and Lucie were talking amongst themselves and James looked at them. He hadn’t seen Lucie this happy in a long time. But Cordelia, she was beautiful, but he looked at her eyes and they were sad. Her parents had died and her home gone. James couldn’t think about what he’d do if that happened to him. He believed his life to be in ruins over a broken heart and he felt like it was. But his parents, _dead_? James had heard Lucie talking to their parents about Cordelia’s relationship with her family and it hadn’t seemed like one he would want. James knew his relationship with his family was rare and unique because for most of Lucie and James’ lives they were isolated at the Institute, they only ever had their family. 

Cordelia and Lucie made their way to the door and James stood up, relieved to finally be able to leave. Cordelia turned back one last time and looked back at the room where James was and then turned back and followed Lucie out the door. The last thing he saw was long, red hair. 


	5. Two Fires

#  Chapter 5: Two Fires

It was morning and Cordelia was lying on her pillow staring up at the ceiling. The wallpaper on the walls were peeling off at the top. She wasn't sure how long she had been lying awake but she could see the sun peaking through the curtains. It wouldn’t be long till Bridget came in to help her bathe and dress. Her mother kept servants in their home but those who worked in Institutes were different. They were of families who had the Sight and who had worked alongside shadowhunters for generations. She heard footsteps coming towards her door. She turned to her side and looked at the stack of books on her bed stand. She had tried to read some of them last night but there were too many thoughts inside her head keeping her from giving the books the full attention they deserved. There was a knock at her door and Bridget came in. She filled the tub and helped Cordelia into it.

“Bridget, could you bring me one of the books on the stand.” Bridget stopped washing Cordelia’s hair for a moment to reach over and grab randomly at the books.  _ A Tale of Two Cities _ , she took it from Lucie in the library a week ago. Cordelia had read it years ago but could barely remember it as she flipped through it. She knew Lucie was named after the main character because it was one of Will and Tessa’s favorite book. She always thought it was peculiar the ways that people named their children. Cordelia could imagine Lucie or James naming their children after a favorite character. But how was a parent to know if the person their child grew up to be could live up to whom they were named after. 

Cordelia was named after Queen Cordelia in Shakespeare's  _ King Lear _ . She was a christ-like figure who was one of the only people in the entire play to have a strong set of principles. She knew what was right and what was wrong. As a child, Cordelia loved when her father would read her sections of the play about Cordelia and her father waging a war against those who took his crown. But now, Queen Cordelia’s set of morals seemed like they were taunting her, a constant reminder that she will never be the daughter her parents wanted, she’d never be Queen Cordelia.

She got out of the bath and Bridget helped her dress in a yellow skirt and before long she was off to the dining hall. 

The dining hall was in chaos when she walked in. She had kept to her room and Lucie’s during the week and had no idea what was going on. 

“Good morning Cordelia, how are you doing?” Asked Will looking up from the documents he was reading.

“I’m well thank you, Mr. Herondale.” Cordelia spoke while looking at the documents scattered across the table.

“Cordelia, how many times have I told you to call me Will.” He said with a crooked smile. “Makes me feel as if I am an old man like my father.” Cordelia smiled and reached for the tea and oatmeal.

“Will, what have I told you about business at the dining table.” Tessa announced collecting the documents in a pile and gave them to Cedric who was one of the butlers in the Institute. She mumbled something about making her sound like her aunt which Cordelia didn’t understand. Cordelia looked to Lucie who was seated next to her. 

“What happened?” 

“Two shadowhunters who had gone missing a month ago were found just found burned in the countryside.” Cordelia stared at Lucie.

“Burned?”

“That’s what Charlotte Fairchild, the Consul, told mum and dad last night.” Cordelia’s head was spinning. A fire. Two fires, four dead shadowhunters found a week apart. She looked to James and Matthew who were reading a document they had kept hidden from Tessa. Cordelia looked around the table and noticed Alastair was nowhere to be found. Cordelia finished her tea and excused herself. Lucie looked to Cordelia with confused eyes and she saw Matthew and James looking at her the same way. She walked down the corridor which was lit by the cool, fall sun coming through the stained glass windows. The tapestries draped down the halls showed the famous scene of the angel Raziel rising from Lake Lyn holding the mortal instruments and Jonathan Shadowhunter below him. 

Cordelia looked in the training room and in the drawing room but Alastair was nowhere to be found. She looked out one of the windows in the library and saw something move in the courtyard on the side of the Institute, so she made her way to it. 

 

When she finally reached the courtyard, she saw nobody there. She walked to a gazebo that was in the far corner of the courtyard. The ground was covered with fallen leaves and the gazebo had vines twisting up the archways, she could picture colorful flowers blooming on them during the springtime. London was probably beautiful in the springtime. Even in the fall London had her days. But with winter quickly approaching she could see how unforgiving London could be. 

She heard footsteps behind her and cursed herself for not bringing Cortana or some weapon with her. On the side of the gazebo a piece of heavy looking wood was sticking out. She broke it off at the base and whipped around about to take a swing at whoever was behind her until she saw James walking towards her. He held his hands out in defense and smiled.

“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on hurting you.” She sighed in relief since her  _ weapon _ probably wouldn’t have done much harm to an attacker or a demon. 

“You startled me James. Hasn’t anyone warned you about sneaking up behind a Carstairs?” She asked him raising an eyebrow and throwing the piece of wood to the side.

“It seems my father left that part out.” He walked closer to her. “I saw you walking out here alone and with the investigation going on I didn’t think it to be safe.”

“I was only looking for my brother and besides, I can take care of myself.” Cordelia looked at him trying her best to look fierce, but while looking into those gold eyes of his she felt herself sinking into them.

“I don’t doubt that for a second, but the shadowhunters who were killed were older and more skilled than I imagine you are and they still managed to be killed.” James looked at the plants that Cordelia suspected were once a beautiful garden before the coldness of fall came. 

“What do you know so far about their deaths?” Cordelia asked still looking at the dying plants while trying to sound only mildly interested.

“Not much, father is going to talk to Uncle Jem soon to find out more. But as of now, we only know that it’s rather rare for shadowhunters to go missing, especially for a month, without having any reason to leave the Clave. And then find them dead in a fire, it just doesn’t make much sense.” Cordelia nodded. “I hope you don’t find me too blunt or rude but,” James hesitated while he searched for any signs on Cordelia’s face that she may be offended. “Do you believe your parent’s deaths to be just a mundane accident?” Cordelia took in a breath. She wasn’t sure what James would think of her if she told him she didn’t. 

“That’s what the Inquisitor believes.” Cordelia shrugged.

“But is it what you believe?” Cordelia hesitated and sighed. 

“All that I know is that it wasn’t like my mother to make mistakes or accidents.” Cordelia said. She walked a few paces away from James to try to think more clearly. 

“Matthew thinks that it is more than just a coincidence that there have been two fires in one week to kill four shadowhunters.”

“And what do you believe?”

“I believe you.” Cordelia’s heart skipped a beat. “I remember Lucie saying how courageous and brave you are and I see that with the way you have handled this past week.” Cordelia scoffed. 

“You mean locking myself away in my bedroom, yes that’s real courageous, James.”

“It takes courage to show emotion. ‘Common experience shows how much rarer is moral courage than physical bravery’.” 

“ Clarence Darrow , right?.” Cordelia asked. James looked impressed and then nodded at Cordelia. “I don’t think that really applies to my actions. But anyways, I am much more comfortable with physical bravery.” James laughed and then offered Cordelia his arm which she took.

“As am I.” He replied and with that they walked back to the Institute. “Alastair has been confined to his room by the way.” James looked behind them. “I don’t think he fancies me very much.” It was then Cordelia’s turn to laugh which James smiled at.

“Oh James, I don’t believe you are much his type.” 

  
Cordelia spent that night thinking about the fires and how they were connected. She knew they were connected, they had to be, she just needed to find out how. Cordelia took out a piece of paper from her bed stand and a pen. She wrote down everything she could remember about the day of her parents death. What they ate, who they saw, who had been in the house, who was outside the house, when her mother had become ill, what Cordelia and Alastair had seen on their patrol, and who she had seen when they got back to their house. She laid the pen down and tore out the pages she had written on. She folded them up and placed them behind a painting in her room.  _ Now she had definitely gone mad. _ She laid herself back on the bed and waited till morning came. 


	6. Tea for Two

#  Chapter Six: Tea for Two

“Have we ever met the Landscarths?” Lucie questioned waking Cordelia up. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep but Cordelia had been having trouble falling asleep at night for the past week and a half and anytime she could manage to fall asleep, she tried to take it. Lucie, Cordelia, James and Matthew were sitting around the fire in the library going over documents that could be tied to the second fire. Cordelia looked curiously at Lucie. Lucie caught the look and explained.

“Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve been saying?” 

“Sorry Luc-” Lucie waved her off knowing that Cordelia sleeping at all was something they should not take for granted. 

“We might have during Christmas.” James said staring out the window. 

“We haven’t gotten any new information in days and we have gone through every document the Institute has a dozen times. We need to clear our heads and come back with a fresh start.” Lucie tossed her documents to the side of her. 

“And what do you suggest doing to clear our heads?” asked Matthew lying lazily on his back, his documents pushed away from him. 

“Training.” Cordelia said standing up. Matthew groaned. Lucie got up as well and the others followed suit. 

They walked out of the library when Tessa walked by. 

“I’ve been looking for you all, Cordelia do you mind if we speak in the drawing room,” she looked at her children and at Matthew before adding, “alone.” Cordelia nodded and followed Tessa down the corridor. As fall was soon disappearing into winter, it became colder especially in the Institute with it's stone walls and floors, Cordelia hugged herself nervously. She didn't know what Tessa wanted to speak to her about and Cordelia hated walking into situations blind. 

They made their way to the drawing room, Tessa sat down in one of the chairs and offered Cordelia the one across from her along with tea which had been waiting for them. Cordelia took the seat and then took her tea. 

“Lucie made me aware that you were unsure with what could have caused the fire in your home.” Cordelia nodded and prepared herself for Tessa to tell her how foolish she was for questioning the Inquisitor and the Silent Brothers. “I spoke with Jem and he informed me that the fire was caused by a candle catching the curtains in the entryway on fire.” Cordelia, in the middle of taking a sip of tea, paused. _A candle?_  Her mother never used candles down stairs except in the dining room. How could a candle have made it into the entryway? “Is everything alright, dear?” Tessa asked noticing the look on Cordelia’s face. 

“I’m alright, however," Cordelia paused trying to gain strength in her voice before she spoke, "I’m just confused as to how a candle could have caught one of the entryway curtains on fire since my mother only used candles in the dining room which is on the other side of the house.” Tessa looked at Cordelia a moment and set her tea down. 

“Do you believe the fire to not be an accident?” There it was, the question that Cordelia always dreaded. The one that would absolutely make her sound mad or foolish or both. 

“I’m just not sure how a candle could have ended up in the entryway.” Cordelia repeated. 

“Perhaps your mother used it and had forgotten it in the entryway.” Tessa reasoned. 

“You know- knew my mother, Tessa.” Cordelia looked down at her skirt. “She didn’t forget things and she surely never left anything out of place. Especially a candle that would have caused a mess in an entryway where people would have seen.” Tessa had a strange look on her face, as if she was deciding whether or not to tell Cordelia something. 

“Cordelia, dear, do you think the fire was an accident?” Tessa asked staring intently. The silence was interrupted with a knock on the door. The door opened and Cedric stood in the doorway with a letter in his hand. 

“Mrs. Herondale, Miss Carstairs, sorry for the interruption but an invitation has been received for Miss Carstairs.” 

“For me? But I don’t know anyone in London.” Cordelia said confused as Cedric handed Cordelia the invitation. She saw that it was in fact addressed to her. She looked to Tessa and Tessa nodded for her to open it, Cedric left the room. Cordelia opened the invitation and read it. 

“Who is it from?” Tessa asked politely. 

“Anna Lightwood, she wishes to have tea with me. But why would she wish to have tea with me? We’ve never met. And how did she know that I was here?”

“I’m afraid news travels quite fast in London and Anna enjoys meeting new people.” Tessa said. “Perhaps it would be a good idea for some fresh air.” Cordelia thought about it. She had many friends in Paris but in London she felt as if she had no one but her parabatai. She could never be lonely with Lucie around, but perhaps it would be a good idea to meet more people. 

“Alright.” Tessa smiled.

“I’ll fetch Cedric.” Tessa said standing up. “I would like to finish our conversation later if that is alright.” Cordelia nodded and Tessa left the room. 

Cordelia set down her tea and left the drawing room to find Lucie. She walked through the hall till she was at the training room and heard voices. She opened the door and looked up to see where the voices were coming from and saw Matthew and James sparing on one of the beams in the roof. She looked around and saw Lucie practicing throwing daggers but Cordelia could tell she was distracted by something else. She walked up to Lucie and spoke as not to startle her, especially since she was holding daggers.

“Lucie?” Cordelia spoke which made Lucie jump out of her daydream.

“Cordy! What did mum say to you?” She asked, at the same moment Matthew fell to the floor next to them with James jumping down and landing next to him. 

“I told you I didn’t need that balance rune.” James said proudly. Matthew rolled his eyes and took the hand James was offering, him lifting him up off the floor. 

“Nothing really just about the fire. But I recieved an invitation to tea.” 

“From who?” Lucie asked surprised.

“Anna Lightwood.” Matthew and James laughed and Cordelia looked at them confused. 

“Anna invited you to tea? Just you?” Lucie asked suspicion rising in his voice. 

“The invitation was addressed to only me. Is there a problem?” Cordelia asked not sure why Matthew and James were still laughing.

“Oh nothing,” Matthew said through his laughs, “Only be careful, Anna can be quite-” Matthew paused searching for the right words “interested in fresh meat.” Matthew finished. 

“Oh stop trying to scare her, Anna is full of adventure and vise but Anna is family and we adore her, always have, she’d never get Cordelia into trouble.” Lucie said reassuringly to Cordelia.  _ Into trouble? _

“Anna can seduce anyone,” said Matthew. “But don’t worry Delia, Anna wouldn’t be too offended if you declined.” 

Cordelia rolled her eyes and began walking to the door, “I’m going now, but don’t worry Matthew,” Cordelia turned to look back at the three of them “It wouldn’t be the first time someone’s tried.” Lucie laughed and Matthew and James stared after her with curiosity as she left the room. When she closed the training room door Cedric was outside of it.

“The carriage is ready to take you to Miss Lightwood’s.”

“I’ll only be a few minutes, Cedric.” Cedric nodded and walked towards the entrance of the Institute. Cordelia hurried up the stairs till she found the room she knew to be her brother’s and knocked on the door. After a minute the door opened. Alastair’s blond hair was ruffled and his suit was wrinkled.

“Are you alright Al?” asked Cordelia. Alastair’s appearance was always pristine thanks to their mother’s conditioning growing up and when it was anything but, it always took Cordelia by surprise.

“Yes. What do you want?” Alastair asked annoyed. 

“I’m going into the city to take tea with Anna Lightwood.” 

“Fine.” Alastair was about to close the door but Cordelia stopped it with her hand. 

“May I take Cortana?” Cordelia hated asking for permission to use her favorite weapon but Alastair was the oldest and it was rightfully his. Alastair rolled his eyes and walked to the wardrobe where Cortana was leaning. 

“Tomorrow I was thinking maybe we could train together.” Cordelia surprised herself by saying this. She hated training with Alastair but something about the tired look in his eyes and his wrinkled suit made Cordelia think that maybe he couldn’t sleep at night either. Maybe Alastair wasn’t taking their parent’s death as well as she thought. He shoved Cortana into her arms. 

“Because training with  _ you _ would help me.” He said with a scoff and shut the door in her face. Cordelia should have been mad but there was something about his voice that didn’t sound convincing. 

She descended the stairs and felt someone behind her. She whipped around and searched the empty, dimly lit stairwell with Cortana unsheathed but nobody was there. She made it to the stairs out front the Institute and strapped Cortana underneath her coat. She hadn’t planned on asking for Cortana but standing in front of a rumpled Alastair, she hadn’t known what to say. Cedric helped her into the carriage and she was off to meet Anna Lightwood.


	7. Percy Street

#  Chapter Seven: Percy Street

(snippets used belong to Cassandra Clare)

 

Anna Lightwood lived on Percy Street, a small byway near Tottenham Court Road. It was made up of long rows of houses of red brick that all looked very much the same. Each had sash windows, white-painted doors, brick chimneys, a shallow set of steps and a fence about the servants’ entrance made of black wrought iron. The carriage stopped and she got out. The sun was going to set soon Cordelia thought but it was unsure to tell since one couldn’t exactly see the sun from behind the dark gray clouds. 

On the stairs in front of No. 30, a girl sat crying. She was a very fashionable girl, in a walking-dress of blue foulard with lace trimmings and acres of flounces about the skirt. She wore a head-band trimmed with silk roses, and they wobbled as she cried. 

Cordelia checked the address on the invitation again, hoping the driver had made a mistake. No, definitely Number 30. She sighed, squared her shoulders, and approached. 

“Pardon me,” she said, as she reached the steps. The girl was blocking them completely; there was no way to politely edge past. “I’m here to see Anna Lightwood?” The girl’s head jerked up. She was very pretty; blond and rosy-cheeked, though she’d been crying. She gave Cordelia a deeply wary look. 

“Who are you, then?”  

“I, ah…” Cordelia peered more closely at the girl. Definitely a mundane. No marks, no glamour. “I’m her cousin?” 

“Oh.” Some of the suspicion went out of the girl’s face. “I — I am here because —“ She went off in a fresh spate of tears.

“Might I enquire as to the problem? Is there something I can do?” Cordelia asked, though she rather dreaded finding out why as it seemed the sort of thing where she might have to come up with a solution.

“Anna,” the girl wept. “I loved her — I love her still! I would have given it all up for her, all of it, polite society and all its rules, just to be with her, but she has thrown me out like a dog on the street!” 

“Now, Emmeline,” drawled a voice, and Cordelia looked up to see Anna leaning out of an upstairs window. She was wearing a man’s dressing gown in rich purple and gold brocade, and her hair was a cap of loose, short waves. “You can’t say you’ve been thrown out like a dog when you’ve got your mama, two butlers, and a footman coming for you.” She waved. “Hello, Cordelia.”

“Oh, dear,” said Cordelia, and patted Emmeline gently on the shoulder.

“Besides, Emmeline,” said Anna. “You’re to be married Wednesday. To a baronet.”

“I don’t want him!” Emmeline sprang to her feet. “I want you!”

“No,” said Anna. “You want a baronet.” Anna disappeared from the window and Cordelia wasn’t sure if she should leave the weeping girl who apparently was named Emmeline or ring the bell to the apartment. 

“Are you coming up?” Anna was leaning out the window again. “The door is open.” Cordelia shot Emmeline an apologetic look and climbed up the steps. She opened the door and bounded the stairs up to the third floor where she had seen Anna’s window. She walked down the hall and the door to Anna’s apartment was opened. She heard music playing from inside. She knocked on the opened door but she didn’t hear anyone speak. 

“Anna?” Cordelia called as she entered the apartment. 

“In here.” Cordelia wasn’t sure where  _ here _ was but she shrugged off her coat and laid it on the coat rack along with Cortana and closed the door. She wandered through the apartment till she found the drawing room and saw Anna. Anna had changed from her dressing gown to a man’s black jacket, black trousers, and a purple silk shirt. Her hair was short and slicked back in a man’s style. She was standing next to the window smoking. “Sorry about Emmeline, some people just can’t take a hint.” Anna shrugged and walked to a tray which was set on a table. She gestured to an empty chair which Cordelia accepted. Anna poured two cups of tea and sat down across from Cordelia. There was an awkward silence which Anna took the opportunity to look Cordelia up and down. Cordelia cleared her throat.

“Thank you for inviting me to your lovely apartment, Anna.” Cordelia said looking around her. “It’s very kind of you.” Anna smiled.

“I enjoy knowing everyone in London, especially the beautiful ones.” Anna took a drag from her cigarette. “So tell me, what is the latest gossip going around in the Institute?” Cordelia looked confused.

“Well everyone has been quite busy solving the case on what happened to the Landscarths-” 

“Oh yes,” Anna said uninterested. “The mysterious fires. I’m sorry about your parents, they died in another  _ mysterious _ fire, correct?” 

“I’m not sure most would agree with the word  _ mysterious _ to identify the fire, but yes, they did.” Cordelia said and forced the tea down her throat. 

“Well most people can go lie down in a road and get hit by oncoming carriages.” Anna said nonchalantly and took a sip of tea. Cordelia almost choked on her tea. She looked at Anna thoughtfully and curiously. “Anyways, what I meant by gossip, I meant is anyone you know of doing  _ anything _ ? Preferably secretly?” Cordelia thought for a moment. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Me, at the moment, considering I just lost my parents, lost my home, and moved to another country, I haven’t had much time to think about courting.”

“To hell with courting Delia, what you need to do is go out and have a bit of unsupervised escapades.” Anna said setting down her tea and leaning forward. “Come out into the city with me.” Cordelia thought for a minute. She didn’t know Anna, she didn’t even know when the Institute’s carriage would be back.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good ide-”

“Oh come on Delia, I can tell from looking at you that you have had your share of adventures.” Anna raised her eyebrows. Cordelia smiled and shook her head. There was something about Anna that was refreshing and it was that  _ something _ that made her say what she did next. 

“Alright fine. But I thought I was only being invited to tea, not to an adventure.”

"No one ever just wants to have tea," said Anna. "Tea is always an excuse for a clandestine agenda." Cordelia laughed.

“Well I’m glad I’ve been made aware of that small detail.” 

“Then let’s go, the night has been born and we must stay out till it dies.” Anna took Cordelia’s hand and she barely had time to grab her jacket and Cortana hanging on the coat rack before her and Anna were flung into the night.

 

“Another pint my friend?” Matthew asked his parabatai in the crowded tavern. 

“Might as well.” James was nursing an ale and barely listening to Matthew and his latest rant about Alastair.

“-I’m only saying, you’d think that since he has no one else, he would at least talk to us.” Matthew said returning with more alcohol.

“That's because you’re drunk," said James. They were both sprawled at the same round table in an upper room of the Devil Tavern on Fleet Street. “He doesn’t want to talk to his sister, why would you think he would want to talk to us.” James replied not thinking about what he was saying.

“What do you mean ‘he doesn’t want to talk to his sister’?” Matthew asked suspiciously. James continued staring at his ale. He could feel Matthew’s eyes on him. “Have you been spying on our lovely new guests, or maybe just  _ one _ in particular.” Matthew said with a mischievous smile. 

“I didn’t mean to, I was hiding in the library when her and Lucie came in and I had no choice but to change.” James said without looking up at Matthew. He could still feel his eyes on him. 

“Was that the only time?” Matthew asked and James knew he was found out, and James could never lie to Matthew.

“I may have followed her to Alastair’s room after she told us about taking tea with Anna.” Matthew looked at James thoughtfully. 

“And?”

“And what?”

“Did it fulfill your peeping tom foolery needs?” James threw his empty mug at Matthew. Matthew laughed.

“I’m only teasing Jamie, what did Cordelia say to him”

“It was strange, she let him know leaving to Anna’s and even asked him if he wanted to train with her and all he did was shut the door in her face.” 

“Well he’s like that with everyone isn’t he?” Matthew filled James’ cup that was thrown at him and handed it back to James. 

“I suppose, and I know Cordelia enjoys teasing Alastair as much as we do, but I thought he would have at least acted like a brother to her. Especially now that he has no other family left.” 

“Well Cordelia deserves much better, I quite like her. She adds a bit of excitement to the Institute.” Matthew watched James closely. “Don’t you think.” James was highly intoxicated but he could see what Matthew was doing. But at the moment his mouth had a mind of it’s own. 

“She does. But I don’t think we should mention that to her since she had to lose her parents to a fire to come stay with us.” Matthew nodded. 

“She’s pretty too.” Matthew added staring and James.

“Of course.” James said taking a big sip of ale. “Very pretty.” He mumbled.

“You could ask to escort her to the Christmas party.” James spit out his ale and choked. 

“What?” James said in between coughs. Matthew looked at James as if he was an idiot.

“She’s a pretty girl who has a sparkling personality, Jamie, what more could you want.” 

“You  _ know _ what I want.” James was scowling and focusing on the Herondale ring on his finger. 

“You want someone who can’t love, she’s _ ice _ , Jamie and Cordelia is the sun that could rekindle your broken heart.” James could hear frustration rising in Matthew’s voice. Matthew had hope that James would love again but James didn’t. He knew the only person who could save him was the person who had broken his heart.  _ Grace.  _ James shook his head and shrugged his jacket on. “Don’t be ridiculous Jamie, don’t leave.” But James was already out the door.


	8. Long Nights

#  Chapter Eight: Long Nights

Anna and Cordelia rode in the Lightwood carriage till they reached Drury Lane in front of a brick walk-up. Anna said she knew the couple that lived there but as the two arrived at the party it was clear Anna didn’t. Anna took Cordelia’s arm and walked through the party as if she had been there a thousand times. Cordelia held her head up and tried to be as convincing as Anna. They made it into the kitchen unscathed and Anna poured them both a drink. Cordelia took a sip and and it burned her throat but she welcomed it and took another sip. Anna looked at her impressed. The apartment they were in was small. The kitchen that they were in had a view of the main room which was filled with dancing and drinking mundanes,there was a hall which most likely led to a bedroom and a washroom. 

“What do you think?” Anna asked. Cordelia shrugged and continued to sip on her drink. Anna analyzed the room. “What do you think of him?” Anna directed Cordelia’s attention to a tall man in the corner. He had light brown hair and was wearing an expensive dark grey suit. She could only see a profile of the man but she could tell he was attractive. Especially since the women in the main room near him were swooning just looking at him. The man looked up and into Cordelia’s eyes. They were bright blue which were made even bluer by his grey suit. Cordelia held his eye contact for a few seconds and then turned her attention coyly to Anna. 

“He’s alright.” Anna raised an eyebrow and then smiled. “What about her?” Cordelia nodded to a girl with raven hair and deep green eyes. Anna tilted her head looking the girl up and down. 

“You have good taste Miss Carstairs.” Anna said before stalking to her prey. Cordelia couldn’t help herself but look to the corner of the room where she saw the man but he wasn’t there. She looked to the women who were once swooning over him and they were looking at Cordelia disappointedly which confused her. 

“They do look a bit put out don’t they?” Cordelia whipped around to see the man with the blue eyes standing behind her. 

“Do you often have that effect on women?” The man smiled and offered his hand to Cordelia. 

“Dominic Blaunch. And as long as I don’t have that effect on you it doesn’t matter.” Cordelia extended her hand and placed it in his.

“Cordelia Carstairs.” Dominic bowed and kissed her hand. 

“Well Miss Carstairs, I’m assuming you have never been to one of these parties. Particularly, because I would have remembered.” He smiled a crooked smile which gave him a charming aura. 

“You know what they say about people who assume things.” Cordelia said. She took a sip from her cup and gave Dominic a mischievous smile. They walked towards the corner of the main room where Cordelia had first seen Dominic. There was a window near them and Cordelia peered out of it. 

“So what’s the real reason why I haven’t seen you before?” Asked Dominic standing next to Cordelia looking out the window. She saw the different apartment buildings and factory buildings, but above them all she saw stars and moon peeking through the thick clouds. No matter where she was, London, Paris, Institute, or a mundane apartment building, the sky was always the same. She was thankful for at least that.

“I recently moved here from Paris.” Cordelia didn’t elaborate and Dominic took the hint. 

“Do you ever wonder if there’s anything else out there?” Asked Dominic looking out at the city. Cordelia turned to look at him and squinted, looking him up and down. He looked as if he was searching the streets, trying to find something that he could never see. He was definitely a mundane.

“No.” she said looking back out the window. Dominic laughed and shook his head. 

“You’re a terrible liar.” Cordelia looked at Dominic but he kept looking out the window smiling. She noticed he was constantly smiling. Not in a strange way, but in a way that made him seem as if he was constantly enjoying life. 

“Delia! There you are!” Anna exclaimed as she saw Cordelia. Cordelia wasn’t sure how Anna couldn’t find her in the small apartment. She looked next to Anna and saw the pretty, raven haired girl. 

“Dominic this Anna, my-” Cordelia looked to Anna and Anna shrugged, “my cousin.” 

“Charmed, I’m sure.” Anna said while lighting a cigarette. Dominic nodded.

“This is Lilya” Anna said referring to the raven haired girl. “We should return home though, Del.” Anna said taking Cordelia’s arm and pulling her towards the door of the apartment. Cordelia took a last look at Dominic and smiled when she saw his crooked smile across the room. They made it down the stairs and out onto the street before Cordelia heard her name being called. She turned around and saw Dominic running towards her. When he reached her Cordelia was smiling and shaking her head. 

“This is my address, if you ever need anything. Or if you ever wonder if anything else is out there.” He put the piece of paper into her hands and walked back to the apartment. 

Cordelia watched him walk away and then turned back to Anna and Lilya who were hanging onto each other trying to walk. 

“He fancies you Miss Cordelia.” Anna shouted towards her. Anna took Cordelia’s arm and the three of them walked together giggling and falling over. 

“I forgot to ask, how are my cousins?” Anna asked.

“They are doing well.” Cordelia said 

“James as well? He’s always been, well  _ peculiar _ .” Cordelia’s heart sped up.

“Yes, I suppose. Lucie told me that they think he’s in love, but Matthew doesn’t like her.” Anna perked up when Cordelia said this making her think perhaps she shouldn’t have said anything. 

“Now,  _ that _ Del, is the kind of gossip I was looking for.” Anna said laughing which made Lilya laugh. Anna turned to Cordelia, “Do you think he's in love?" Anna said. "People can be rather awful when they're in love.” 

“I’m not sure, if he is he hasn’t said anything to me about it.” Cordelia said. Wrapping her coat around her tight and felt the familiar hilt of Cortana. 

“Most likely never will. Boys like James can hold secrets till the day they die.” Cordelia shivered. They were outside the Institute. 

“Lilya, you wait here alright.” Anna set Lilya down on the sidewalk. She walked back to Cordelia. “Follow me, so you won’t wake up the whole institute.” Anna led Cordelia to the side of the Institute where the servant’s entrance was. “I had fun tonight Delia, be ready for our next tea party.” She grabbed Cordelia’s hand and squeezed it. Cordelia smiled and Anna left her alone in the dark . 

“I can still see you, Jamie!” Matthew shouted as he ran out of Devil’s Tavern. James was walking down the street pulling his coat around himself, dodging oncoming walkers since they couldn’t see him.The walkers were laughing and drinking gin. James felt the miserable feeling rising up in his body. An aching in his bones, in his muscles, in his brain, in his heart. He felt as if he was suffocating. Matthew was his parabatai, but he didn’t understand, couldn’t feel what James was feeling. He was utterly alone. His parents never prepared him for this feeling. They showed him what it felt and what it meant to be loved and to give love, but they never warned him about the hollow emptiness of not being loved back. 

James quickened his step. The worst part about his heartbreak was that he could blame no one but himself. It wasn’t Grace’s fault she did not love James, it was James’ fault for giving his heart to someone who did not want it, who  _ couldn’t _ love it. He had for years thought of ways he could get her to love him, but they had all been useless. 

And then one night, a month before, James had lost all hope. Matthew was staying with his mother and father in Idris and James felt more alone than he ever had. He was self destructing. Taking ridiculous bets at the Devil’s Tavern, drinking till he couldn’t feel anything. He had met Magnus Bane that night and Magnus had taken it upon himself to try to keep James out of trouble. However, at the end of the night, when the liquor had started to wear off James had found himself in a park. Losing his balance, James fell into a shallow pond he was standing in. He felt the cold water seep into his suit, and rush around him. James felt water rushing into his lungs and his lungs burning, begging for air. But James stayed where he was staring up through the clear water making the stars and the trees look like a kaleidoscope of darkness. James knew that he should stand up and walk out of the shallow water but it was so much easier to just lie in the cold comfort of the water flowing around him. James was suddenly yanked from the cool embrace of the pond and brought to lie on the grass beside the pond. With a mind of their own, James’ lungs burst to life gasping for the night air. He turned over to lay on his stomach to face the pond where he wished he’d stay. The pond started fading in and out of his vision. White began sprinkling his vision, it was a beautiful white that reminded James of  _ her _ , her hair, her skin, her dress.

“ _ Grace _ .” it was the last thing James said before becoming unconscious. Magnus had somehow gotten James home and alerted his parents to his indiscretions of the night. James, despite being angry then, was glad to not have drown in that pond that night. It surprised James to admit that, but it was true. He had told Matthew about that night and he knew it killed Matthew.

“ _ You carry my life in those careless hands. _ ” Matthew had said to him. James knew he couldn’t end a life that was linked so closely to Matthew, but he also wasn’t afraid to die. 

A hand shook James out of his reverie. He didn’t have to look back to know it was Matthew.

“I’m sorry, alright? I shouldn’t have dismissed your feelings. I know that if you could stop loving Grace, you would. I just hate seeing you live your life in such heartache and pain.” James turned to face Matthew. 

Matthew held out his hands. "Pax," he said, wheedlingly. "Let it be peace between us. You can pour the rest of the pint on my head." James' mouth curved up into a smile. It was impossible to stay angry with Matthew. It was almost impossible to  _ get _ angry at Matthew. James saw that Matthew really was holding a pint in his hand and was holding it out to him. James took the mug and poured it down his own throat. He clasped a hand on Matthew’s shoulder and the two walked back to the Institute. 

As they reached the Institute they saw two girls crossing the road arm in arm. Matthew opened the door to the Institute quietly as to not wake everyone on up. They walked to the stairs when they ran into someone they were not expecting to.

“Cordelia?” Asked Matthew. She was dressed in the same clothes she had for Anna’s in. Her hair was coming out of the clips holding it back and her face looked wind kissed. “Did you just get home?” Matthew asked with a smirk rising on his face. 

“Did you?” She asked crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at the two of them. Matthew leaned up against the banister crossing his own arms and matching her face. 

“And drinking have you? Anna’s really corrupted you hasn’t she.” 

“Who said  _ she _ corrupted me?” A laugh erupted out of James’ mouth after seeing the look on Matthew’s face. “How come you two can drink but I can’t.” Said Cordelia staring smugly at James. James held out his hands in defense and couldn’t help himself from smiling. 

“I don’t believe my parabatai meant to insinuate that you couldn’t drink,” James put his hands down to rest, “I believe he meant we didn’t know you were so-” 

“Fun.” Matthew interrupted with a laugh. Cordelia blushed. “We would have invited you to come.” Matthew added which shocked James. He could never picture Cordelia in the Devil’s Tavern. 

“So, what mess did you two create tonight?” Asked Cordelia. She bent down to sit on the stairs and began taking off her heels. Matthew sat on the steps above her and James sat down a step below her. 

“No bets tonight, I’m afraid, my lady.” Matthew said loosening his collar. “Just endless pints, what about you? What trouble did Anna get you into? I  _ did  _ warn you, didn’t I?.”

“Well, Anna took me to an apartment a few blocks away from hers.” Cordelia said smiling to herself. “and we didn’t get into any trouble, I might add.” 

“I surely hope not.” The three of them looked up and saw Lucie at the top of the stairs. “I’m also offended that I was not invited to whatever is going on here.” Lucie took a seat beside Matthew. She was wearing a light pink dressing gown and was barefoot. 

“Just sharing war stories, my dear Lucie, I was just about to ask Cordelia for her’s.” Matthew was leaning back against the stairs on his elbows. James shot Matthew a warning glance that said  _ proceed with caution _ . Cordelia was finally feeling beginning to seem comfortable here in the Institute and the last thing she needed would be for Matthew to make her uncomfortable.

“You  _ wish _ you could know Cordy’s exploits.” Lucie said yawning shooting a smile at Cordelia. 

“Alright, well I think I’ve had my limit of fun for one night.” Cordelia said standing up and picking up her skirts. She took a last look at Matthew and James, “Goodnight, boys.” and her and Lucie climbed up the stairs. Her dark eyes, James could still see them behind his eyelids as he laid in his bed that night. That and her dark, red hair. 

“Okay, now you must spare no detail.” Lucie said jumping onto her bed Cordelia had changed into her night dress and was in the midst of taking the clips that were tangled in her out. Cordelia smiled innocently still feeling the buzz of liquor in her head. 

“We only went to a party a few blocks down from Anna’s.” Lucie narrowed her eyes and was silently thinking.

“And who did you meet at this party?” Lucie said still narrowing her eyes. Cordelia tried to keep her tone neutral.

“Nobody interesting.” 

“You lie!” Lucie exclaimed and threw one of the pillows at her. Cordelia clamped her hand over Lucie’s mouth.

“Shhh, you’ll wake your mother and father.” Lucie rolled her eyes. 

“So who is he?” Lucie said taking Cordelia’s hands off her mouth. Cordelia never hid anything from Lucie. Lucie knew about all the boys she had kissed and all the parties she went to in Paris. Lucie loved hearing about things she would do in Paris, she thought her life was was like the novels Lucie grew up reading. Going to parties, sharing secret kisses in the city streets of Paris, flirting mischievously with boys and then never speaking to them again. 

“His names is Dominic Blaunch, he’s a mundane which is why I said he’s nobody.” Cordelia said yawning and lying down on the bed next to Lucie. 

“But you lied about the interesting part.” Lucie said rolling onto her side and raising an eyebrow. 

“He’s very handsome. But it was something he said to me.” Cordelia rolled onto her side to face Lucie. “He asked me if I ever wondered if there’s anything  _ else _ out there.” Lucie’s eyebrow furrowed.

“Do mundanes typically think about things like that?” Lucie asked and Cordelia laughed.

“Some do, of course, the authors you love so much do.” Lucie rolled her eyes

“Well they aren’t normal mundanes, they’re  _ visionaries _ .” It was Cordelia’s turn to roll her eyes. “And you’re sure he didn’t know what you were, he didn’t have the sight?” 

“No, I don’t think so.” Cordelia’s eyes felt heavy. “But I suppose he could make for a kind distraction.” Cordelia could tell Lucie was falling asleep because all she did was murmur in response. Cordelia closed her eyes welcoming the sleep she had been longing for for weeks.

 


	9. Brocelind Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bit of hiatus! Make sure you bookmark and subscribe to this story so that you know when I post a new chapter!

#  Chapter Nine: Brocelind Forest

Lucie was sat at the desk in her room. She was scouring her brain for a synonym to mischievous, but nothing was coming to her. Lucie turned her head to look over her shoulder. Cordelia laid curled up on her bed under the blankets fast asleep. Her long, curled, red hair was spread around her like fire contrasting against the white sheets. 

The sun was rising fast in the morning sky. Lucie was always an early riser. Most shadowhunters were. She figured Cordelia was still asleep due to the liquor she had drank the night before with Anna. 

Lucie turned back to the stack of papers on her desk.  _ Scapegrace. _ Lucie scribbled the synonym and a few more lines on the paper. She sat the pen down and placed the page with the rest of the stack of papers.  _ The Beautiful Cordelia _ was a novel that Lucie had begun when she was twelve. All of the stories Cordelia had told Lucie about her life were written in this stack of papers, along with the adventuress they had in Paris and Idris. 

Cordelia had always gotten Lucie out of her shell of books and writing. It was one of the ways Cordelia and Lucie were such great parabatai. Lucie calmed Cordelia’s storm, and Cordelia lit a fire in Lucie. 

Lucie neatly set the stack aside and opened a drawer in her desk. She sifted through loose pages until she found the ones she was looking for. The ones she only took out when she knew no one was watching, even Cordelia. It was the only thing Lucie had ever kept to herself. The day she met the boy in Brocelind Forest. 

 

_ 1897, Idris _

_ Lucie was ten when she met the boy in the forest. Her mother, father, and Jamie were staying in Herondale manor. In a few days Jamie would be attending the Shadowhunter Academy and her mother and father thought it would be nice to spend the week in Idris away from the fog in London which during this time of year was most dreadful.  _

_ “Jamie, why don’t we play with the old ball I found in the courtyard. It’s a beautiful day!” Lucie said admiring the sun from James’ bedroom window. James was propped on his bed in his usual manner, with a book in his hand.  _

_ “Maybe after lunch, Lucie.” James said without looking up from his book. Lucie tilted her head slightly to read the title of the book, it was Dicken’s  _ Oliver Twist _.  _

_ “But Jamie!” Lucie exclaimed disappointedly while plopping down on the bed. “I won’t see you for months while you are at the Academy!”  _

_ At that, James looked up. All their life, Lucie and James only had each other and mother and father. The Institute in which they called their home was always empty, save for their annual Christmas parties. _

_ “I’m sorry, Lucie. Why don’t you go outside and I’ll meet you when I’ve finished the chapter.” Lucie’s face brightened and she excitedly ran out of the room. She ran down the stairs and almost barreled into her father. _

_ “Woah there, my love. Where are you off to in such haste?” Will asked, a smile creeping up onto his face.  _

_ “Jamie said he’d play with me outside in a bit.” Lucie was still hurrying towards the door. Will shook his head smiling, admiring his daughter’s excitement.  _

_ Lucie went to the courtyard and spent a few minutes searching for the ball which she could have sworn she saw right outside the door at breakfast. Something caught Lucie’s eye toward the forest that lined the manor. She took a quick look back at the manor. James wouldn’t probably be done for another few minutes so Lucie decided to go check to see if the ball had happened to roll towards the forest.  _

_ Her mother would have warned her against going into the forest alone but Lucie had always been a curious girl. Lucie walked up to the edge of the forest and to her right she saw something move in between the trees. She walked deeper into the forest. The smell of pine filled her senses and the light shining through the trees made Lucie feel dazed.  _

_ A branch broke behind her and she whirled around to see a boy standing in front of her. He had the blackest hair and the brightest green eyes she’d ever seen. He was very pale, almost sickly. Lucie couldn’t tell exactly how old he was but he was a few years older than her and James.  _

_ “Is this your’s?” The boy asked while picking up the ball from the ground. Lucie remembered that was what she had been looking for.  _

_ “Oh, yes, thank you.” Lucie said as she watched the boy walk toward one of the trees. He set the ball down and knelt down to the base of the tree where a bush with pink flowers were growing. He picked one and stood up, striding towards her.  _

_ “A beautiful flower for a beautiful girl.” said the boy handing Lucie the flower. Lucie blushed and accepted the flower. She was about to ask the boy for his name when she heard her own. _

_ “Lucie? Where did you go?”  _

_ She turned her head back to the manor and saw James looking around the courtyard. Lucie turned back to the boy but he was gone. She looked around through the trees but saw nothing. _

_ “Lucie there you are, why are you in the forest? You know mother wouldn’t want you getting lost in here.” James said walking to his sister. He picked up the ball beside the bush with the pink flowers and started walking back to the manor. “Are we going to play a game or not?” Asked James looking over his shoulder at her. Lucie took one more glance around the forest before following her brother back to the courtyard.  _

 

_ The entire rest of the day Lucie could not stop thinking about the boy she had met. She’d stare at the beautiful pink flower and ask herself questions that she would never be able to answer. Who was he? Why did he look so sick? Why was he wandering around alone in Brocelind Forest? Lucie looked for him in the forest after that, but she never saw him again.  _

_ Lucie even asked her mother and father if they had ever seen a boy that matched her description, but they said they had not. He was a mystery Lucie could never solve. So, she wrote about him. She wrote everything she knew about him, which wasn’t much, and everything she did to try and find out who he was.  _

 

It was one of the first works she had ever written and the only one she ever kept hidden. Lucie wasn’t exactly sure why she kept it hidden, perhaps she didn’t want her family wondering why she had been writing about a boy she had met six years ago. 

Lucie heard stirring coming from the bed behind her and she shoved the pages back into the drawer of her desk.

“Lucie?” Cordelia asked groggily sitting up in the bed. “What time is it?”

“Time for breakfast, how are you feeling?” Cordelia rubbed the sleep from her eyes and squinted at the witchlight lamp. She reached for the stele on the bedside table. 

“Will you do me the honors of curing my fatigue, parabatai?” Lucie rolled her eyes and smiled. She got up from the desk and sat on the bed across from Cordelia. Cordelia pulled the collar of her dress down and turned around letting Lucie have access to an empty space on her shoulder blade. Lucie took the stele and pressed the adamas to her parabatai’s shoulder. She drew an awaken, a clarity, and a equilibrium rune. Lucie felt Cordelia stiffen under her touch while drawing the intricate lines. 

“I’ve missed having sleepovers with you.” Lucie said reminiscing on the times they shared over the years. 

“Everyday is a sleepover, Luce. I live with you.” Lucie chuckled. She still kept expecting Cordelia’s parents to walk through the door and take her back to Paris. Lucie let the sadness of Cordelia’s situation wash over her. Her parabatai would never get to see her parents walk through the door again. Cordelia had never enjoyed showing true emotion, but Lucie knew she was still mourning. 

“All done, let’s get dressed, I am famished.” Lucie said setting the stele back on the table while Cordelia pulled her dress back up.

“Thank you, Lucie, for letting me sleep in your bed. I wasn’t expecting to go to a party with Anna. I really thought it was just tea.” Lucie laughed. 

“Anna is always secretive and mysterious. It’s her joy in life to be that way.  Don’t worry about it.” Lucie and Cordelia walked to the door.

“Besides, I think Matthew and James enjoyed seeing your intrepid side.” Lucie saw blush rising in Cordelia’s cheek. Lucie saw the way she would look at James when she thought no one was looking. The way she brightened when he came into the room and the longing gazes she would have when he left. Lucie also knew however, that as of late, James could be cruel, brooding, and deceitful. 

She tried to explain to Cordelia that James was in love with someone else and she saw the look on Cordelia’s face when she told her. But Lucie also couldn’t dismiss the looks James gave Cordelia in return. When they were in the same room, James was almost his old self again. Laughing and joking with the four of them. It was a side of James Lucie hadn’t seen for what seemed like forever. Perhaps Cordelia and James could help each other. 

“Well, I will get dressed and we’ll walk to breakfast together.” Cordelia said walking out of her room and into her own. 

Once Cordelia was gone, Lucie couldn’t help herself. She walked over to the small bookcase on the wall. She pulled out the novel  _ Anna Karenina  _ from the bottom shelf and flipped it open, inside was an old, dried pink flower. 


	10. Blood of the Covenant

#  Chapter Ten: Blood of the Covenant 

“Cordelia, I was wondering if you and I could continue our talk from yesterday in the drawing room.” Tessa called out to Cordelia from behind. Everyone had finished eating their breakfast and Cordelia was on her way to the training room. The runes Lucie had put on Cordelia were working tremendously and she thought training for a few hours would put them to good use. Cordelia felt anxiety rising up in her. She was desperately thankful for their talk the day before being interrupted by Anna’s invitation and Cordelia knew she wouldn’t be so lucky again. 

“Of course.” Cordelia said politely. They walked together down the hall of the the Institute. Tessa was making small talk but Cordelia couldn’t focus on it. She was only thinking about what she was going to say to Tessa to get her to leave the topic of her parent’s death. 

They entered the drawing room and Tessa and Cordelia took the same seats they had taken yesterday. Tessa looked deeply into Cordelia’s eyes, which for some reason made Cordelia’s anxieties slip slightly away.

“Like I said before, I don’t wish to be blunt but I’m afraid that I must ask you for your sincere belief. I would never judge you, Cordelia. It is not my place. I am no Shadowhunter and what we speak of will not be repeated to the Clave without your permission.” Cordelia took a deep breath. She knew what was coming. Should she lie to her parabatai’s mother despite her being nothing less of supportive and motherly? Should she tell Tessa the truth with the chance of her looking at Cordelia as if she was mad? She said that she would not tell the Clave or judge her but then why else would she ask her the question that was on the tip of her tongue? “Do you believe that your parent’s death was anything but an accident?” Cordelia swallowed and surprised herself by answering. 

“Yes.” Cordelia said and she searched Tessa’s face for pity or even anger but she found none. Instead Cordelia heard the last thing she expected to come out of Tessa’s mouth. 

“Will and I didn’t want to say anything to you or your brother about this because you two had been through enough and we of course didn’t want to upset or disturb your mourning.” Tessa paused and Cordelia was on the edge of her chair waiting for Tessa to continue. “I thought it was odd of your home to catch fire from a single candle as well, especially knowing your mother’s  _ particularness _ . So I asked Jem what he thought and he said that through the Silent Brother’s investigation, they found that the fire catching the first floor on fire would have been unlikely, from their perspective, since there was no evidence of the candle ever having a place to burn where the candle was found.  No candle stick or even residue of wax where the candle would have been placed in in the first place was found.” Cordelia’s eyes went huge and they began to sting and water. Not because of the mention of her parent’s death surprisingly, but because  _ finally  _ someone was on Cordelia’s side. 

“If that is what the Silent Brothers found, then why does the clave still believe that the fire was an accident?”

“The clave’s official reasoning is they believe that since your mother was ill, it was not hard to assume she would have forgotten placing a lit candle where it didn’t belong.” 

“But that’s not what  _ you _ believe?” Asked Cordelia. Tessa smoothed out her skirt. 

“The clave does not wish to believe that there could be something larger at play. To believe that something or someone is murdering shadowhunters is not something the Clave wishes to advertise or cause panic.” 

“But what if something  _ is  _ murdering shadowhunters? Shouldn’t that be investigated?” 

“Yes. Will and I can’t ignore that the Landscarths were also killed in a fire ‘accident’. Which is why we also asked Jem to investigate the Landscarth’s death further.”

“And has he found anything?” Cordelia asked. She couldn’t hide the hopefulness in her voice and it sounded like screeching in her own ears.

“He’s still investigating but we should know soon. When we do, we will let you know as soon as possible.” Cordelia nodded. The idea that the Herondales not only didn’t think she was mad but had the same suspicions and had been hard at work trying to find a connection between the fires made Cordelia’s head spin. “Are you alright, dear? I know I probably shouldn’t have sprung all this information on yo-”

“No, I’m fine I just want you to know how thankful I am to you and Will for not only taking my brother and I in but for making me feel as if I’m not mad.” Cordelia chuckled nervously. Tessa reached out and took Cordelia’s hand.

“I know what it is like to feel as if you have no one in the world. To feel as if you are going mad inside your head, that no one could possibly understand. When I was around your age, the woman who took care of me after my parent’s death died. All I had was my brother and not much laterI realised that I didn’t have him either. You don’t have to have the same blood as someone to be a family, and I found one in this Institute and so did Will and your cousin Jem.” Cordelia’s heart was pounding through her chest. “I want you to feel that you are a part of our family, Cordelia, because to me you are. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Those of us who have made families with those who have shared the same struggles know this.” Cordelia didn’t know what to say. There wasn’t anything she could say and the look in Tessa’s sky grey eyes said that she didn’t need to say anything. Maybe that was how families were supposed to be. 

 

“Lucie, you’ll never believe what your mother told me-” Cordelia stormed into the library with a fiery explosiveness that she hadn’t felt in a long time. But Lucie was not there, instead her brother was. His head of dark curls shot up at the sound of Cordelia’s voice. “Oh, James, I’m sorry. Lucie told me she’d wait for me here, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Cordelia could feel the heat rising to her face. 

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t say you startled me, more  _ surprised _ .” He closed the book that was on his lap. “What did my mother tell you?” 

“She said that Brother Zachariah believes that the fires weren’t an accident and that-” 

“Your parents death wasn’t a mundane accident.” James finished her sentence. They locked eyes and Cordelia had to shake herself out of the trance which was James. 

“Yes.”

“So you  _ did _ think that it wasn’t an accident.” James said smirking. Cordelia rolled her eyes and sighed while turning towards the books on the book cases. 

“Of course I did, they were my parents.” She heard James stand up and walk towards her. 

“Where do we start?” Cordelia turned around confused, afraid she had misheard him.

“Excuse me?” James took another step towards her so that he was in front of her. Her heart started beating rapidly despite Cordelia’s effort to take calming deep breaths.

“To uncover what truly happened to your parents,  _ where do we start _ ?” Cordelia thought for a moment. It was hard to hear her thoughts because the only thing she  _ could _ hear was her blood rushing through her veins. That  _ and  _ James’ voice. 

“Where the Landscarths were killed. If there is any connection to my parents death, we’ll find it there.” James nodded and walked to the bookcase. “I’ve been wondering about something, a book, I can't remember the title but-” She looked up at his eyes and she became distracted. The eyes whose color put pure gold to shame. They were brighter now than they were last night. Cordelia wasn’t sure how that was possible since even in the dim light of the Institute’s staircase they had  _ glowed. _

James noticed her staring at his eyes and turned away from her taking a few steps away. 

“Don’t-” Cordelia closed the distance between the two of them and grabbed his arm pulling him back to her. James, not meeting her eyes, spoke in a hushed tone. 

“I apologise if my eyes are horrifically distracting.” Cordelia, suddenly brave, reached her hand to his face and moved it so he was looking at her. The distance between them was so scarce that if either of them decided to take a deep breath, their bodies would be touching. 

“You should never apologise to anyone for your eyes, especially to  _ me _ because they are  _ beautiful _ .” James looked quizzically at Cordelia, wondering if she truly meant it. She knew that she should break away from him. That it would be indecent and embarrassing if his parents were to walk in, that they could at any moment. But Cordelia couldn’t take her eyes away from his. She saw James’ eyes flick to her lips and it made her body shiver. Cordelia had kissed boys before, but she knew kissing James would be different. Because to her,  _ he _ , was different. 

The creaking of the library door broke their trance and Cordelia and James spang away from each other. Lucie and Matthew walked into the room laughing then noticed the tension in the room. They looked between James and Cordelia who was bending down to pick up a book that had dropped from the two of them springing away so hastily. Neither Lucie nor Matthew said anything about it but their eyes told them that they knew something had just happened. 

“Sorry about making you wait, Cordy. I had to get Matthew away from Alastair before one of them hit the other.  _ Or worse _ ” Lucie said rolling her eyes at Matthew. 

“I’d like to put on the record that he would definitely be the one wanting to punch me because I am an  _ expert _ at keeping composure.” Matthew said plopping down on a chair. James laughed. 

“Yes of course you are.” James took a seat next to Matthew. He looked back to Cordelia but Cordelia was looking at Lucie who walking towards her, her hair was in braids but she still wore her day dress which was a lovely light green. 

“Are we going to go train?” She asked Cordelia.

“There’s something I need to tell you both.” She said looking to Matthew who had his feet kicked up on the table and began twirling a stelle like a pencil. Cordelia took a seat across from James and Lucie sat next to her. “Tessa told me that Brother Zachariah found some evidence that that could point to my parents death as not being an accident, apparently there was a candle found but nothing to hold the candle while it was burning or wax where a candle was left burning unattended.” Cordelia said in a rush, she wasn’t sure why she was nervous saying this outloud to all of them. 

“Cordelia thought it’d be a good idea to start looking at where the Landscarths were found.” James added. Cordelia met James’ eyes and he smiled a crooked grin that could break Cordelia’s heart in two if it wanted.

“Perfect, when do we leave?” Matthew said springing to his feet. 

“Wait, are we sure this is a good idea? Doesn’t Uncle Jem have everything under control? Should we be involving ourselves? What if we mess something up?” Lucie said nervously.

“Lucie, calm down. We are shadowhunters and dad was doing missions when he was even younger than us.” James reassured his sister. Lucie looked to Cordelia who was fiddling with a ribbon on her skirt.  

“Are you alright? Are you sure you want to do this?” Lucie asked concerned. Cordelia took a deep breath. She knew what she had to do and she knew where she had to start. 

“Yes. I will do whatever is necessary to find the truth about my parent’s death and I will do whatever I can to make sure my parents’ deaths are paid for  _ in full _ .” She stood up and strode to the door of the library clutching her hands together so that the others could not see them shaking. She opened the door and turned to the group. James and Lucie were sitting and Matthew was still standing, all three of them shared a combination of surprised, shocked, and a touch of proudness from Matthew. “Are you all coming?” She said and the others followed suit out the library. 


	11. A Glorious Day on the Train

# Chapter Eleven: A Glorious Day on the Train

“I’m not sure why you and father are so apprehensive of us going.” James said to his mother who was pacing in the drawing room. Cordelia, Lucie, and Matthew were sitting in their seats on the couch  trying to stay as quiet as possible while James argued with Tessa.

“Because you aren’t eighteen yet and this has turned into a murder investigation, a murder investigation into _nephilim_ deaths. I apologize that I don’t want my children involved in it.” Tessa said sounding tired.

“Then let Cordelia and I go. We aren’t your children and Delia is almost eighteen, she has a right to do something proactive about her parents _murder_ than just wasting away in a cold, dark prison.” Cordelia couldn’t help but crack a smile and look to Matthew with appreciative eyes.

“Settle down Matthew, this isn’t _Jane Erye_. Besides, you and Cordelia may not be my children but you are under my supervision while you are here, making me just as responsible for you as Jamie and Lucie.” Matthew sank into his seat looking put out. The door to the drawing room flung open and Will strode in.

“Dad! You were our age when you rescued mum from that Dark House, and that was much more dangerous than taking a train to the countryside to look at a burned piece of Earth.” Will looked at James and then to the three sitting on the couch before he turned to Tessa.

“I didn’t know there were going to be mad warlock sisters and a beautiful captive inside the house,” he winked at Tessa who tried to force down a smile. “But maybe Jamie is right, perhaps it’s time to let them have more responsibility.” Will walked to Tessa and put his hand on her shoulder. She sighed and looked at the four of them.

“Alright, fine. But you must be home for the picnic tomorrow.” Tessa stood up and walked to the door. “So you’d better hurry if you are going to catch the 9 o'clock train.” The four of them followed Tessa and Will out the door and went to get ready.

 

Alastair had always strived for perfection. His suits were pristine, his hair was perfectly dyed, his speech was immaculate and free of any accent that could tie him down to any one place.

Looking in the mirror, it was hard to see that version of himself. His suit was wrinkled, his hair was grown out and the dark brown roots of his hair were showing. There were times when Alastair thought he was invincible. His angel heritage only encouraged his need for perfection. These were not those times.

Alastair had a secret and his secret along with his parent’s death was tearing him apart. Piece by perfect piece.

Alastair slipped out the door of his bedroom, silently moved through the Institute, and out the back door.

He kept his head low and carved a rune of invisibility into his arm. He couldn’t be bothered with mundanes running into him at the moment. He walked to the park next to the Institute. It was practically deserted because of London’s cruel weather. Every tree was bear and the ground was covered in mud and dead leaves making Alastair’s own despair feel manifested through the scene.

When he saw red hair gleaming against the grey background of London. Alastair’s heart sped forward and he had to make a tremendous effort to catch his breath. Charles’ bright eyes met Alastair’s dark ones and Charles stood to greet him.

“Al, are you alright? You look-”

“Thank you for meeting with me, it’s been… difficult.” Alastair kept his voice neutral. He sat beside Charles as Charles studied his face searching for a true answer. Alastair sighed and leaned forward resting his head in his hands. His fingers pressed into his eyelids making shapes dance behind them.

“What do I do, Charles?” Charles bent down on the ground so that he was in front of Alastair. He took his hands into his own.

“I’m here for you, you know this don’t you?” Alastair looked up. His heart was still pounding, he knew it wouldn’t stop till he was far away from the man across from him.

“I just want to be far away from here, from everyone we know.” mumbled Alastair. Charles rested his hand on the back of Alastair’s neck running his thumb along his stubbled jaw.

“I do as well, but we both have a duty. You have a duty to your sister to be there for her and I have a duty to-” Alastair had a sudden moment of anger and disbelief wash over him. He stood up without giving any warning to Charles. Charles had to lean back so that Alastair wouldn’t knock him over.

“ _Duty?_ Is that what we are going to talk about now?”

“Al, please you know that-”

“I know what? That you _love_ me? That if you _could_ be with me you _would_?” Charles stood silent for a moment before speaking again.

“I’m proposing to Ariadne at the picnic tomorrow.” Alastair felt like his heart was being wrenched from his chest. “I thought you should know.” He turned his back to Charles. Alastair couldn’t stand the thought of Charles proposing to that airhead of a girl. He turned back around and stared at him.

Charles was a walking model of what a consul should look and act like. He never strayed from the rules, not once. Alastair loved that about him. Alastair’s obsession with rules began as a small child and flourished when his sister did not share the fixation. And of course Charles should marry Ariadne, that was practically the next step in becoming consul after his mother. But for the first time in his life, Alastair no longer cared for the rules of the game and he was frustrated that Charles still did.  

He walked up to Charles not stopping until their faces were mere inches apart. Alastair could smell the intoxicating cologne that he wore. The one that Alastair had picked for him from a small shop in Pairs a year ago.

He leaned in closer so that their lips were centimeters apart. He could feel Charles loosening around the edges, leaning towards him. Alastair let their lips brush for a moment before pressing them against Charles’. He reacted immediately to Alastair's lips and they kissed like they were fighting for air. They crashed into each other like waves against the rocks of a cliff.

Alastair took his time to remember the curve of their lips together, the way Charles held his lower back with one hand and how the other caressed the back of his neck pushing them together closer. The way their bodies fit together like perfect molds of the same person. Charles let out a throaty moan and Alastair swiftly stepped away. It killed Alastair to pull away from him, but he did. His eyes raked over Charles one last time before walking away back towards the Institute.

“Does Ariadne make you feel like that?” Alastair called from over his shoulder.

 

Cordelia wasn’t sure what she was doing or thinking but she knocked on the door in front of her anyways. After a moment of hearing nothing, she knocked again. Nothing. She tried to open the door to Alastair’s room but it didn’t budge.

“Alastair, open the door, it’s only me.” Cordelia said but she still heard nothing. “Fine, be rude, I’m going into the countryside for a mission. Just thought you should know.” Cordelia thought for a moment. “And I’m bringing Cortana.” She still hadn’t given it back to her brother since going to Anna’s. After still no reply, she huffed and made her way down through the stairways and halls to the stairs that led away from the Institute.

Matthew was speaking with Cyrill who was to be driving the carriage and Lucie was speaking to her mother and father by the carriage. She heard the heavy Institute door close behind her and she turned around. James was climbing down the steps bear headed. He looked up and when he saw Cordelia he smiled.

“Ready for a train ride that will last many hours of this, as Matthew would say, _glorious_ day?” James said cheerfully. Cordelia looked at him sideways making James laugh, “Why are you giving me a look of suspicion?”

“Because you look happy instead of-”

“Handsome?” James said cheekily while smiling even wider and raising an eyebrow. Cordelia’s heartbeat quickened and she turned her back to James and towards the carriage to hide the blush rising to her cheeks.

“I was going to say sullen.” Cordelia continued towards the carriage towards her parabatai and heard James continue walking behind her. When Lucie saw Cordelia approaching she hugged her parents goodbye and walked to meet Cordelia at the carriage.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Lucie asked studying Cordelia’s face. Cordelia took a deep breath and nodded.

“It’s the most logical place to start.” Lucie furrowed her eyebrows.

“That’s not what I meant.” Cordelia knew she meant, _Is investigating your parents own murder a smart idea?_

“I’m fine Lucie, I’m not some delicate flower.” Cordelia climbed into the carriage but not before a hand stuck it’s way beside her to help her up. She looked back to find the bright gold eyes she had dreamed about for years. She took it and with the other hand picked up her dark green dress so that she would not trip. She sat down on the upholstered bench of the carriage. Lucie slid in next, followed by James and Matthew sitting on the opposite bench.

The carriage ride was filled with talk of strategy. They would take the train to Cornwall, the Cornwall Institute would be waiting with a carriage to take them to where the Landscarths were found, and then the carriage would take them back to the train station to return to London. When they arrived at the station, they took their bags and boarded their train.

“Do you know that man, Cordy?” Lucie asked nodding to a man dressed in a black and grey suit who was walking at a distance behind them. Cordelia stared at the man and when he saw her staring, he turned into a cabin next to him and slid the door closed blocking her view of him.

“I don’t think so. Why?” Cordelia answered in a hushed tone. Matthew and James were walking down the train aisle ahead of them still talking of their plan. Who knew just taking a look around the area took so much planning.

“I don’t know, I kept feeling like we were being watched and whenever I turned back he was there staring at us.” Cordelia looked down at herself, they had used glamours to hide the runes from their skin so she knew he wasn’t staring at them for that reason unless he had the Sight.

“Perhaps he has the Sight?” Cordelia shrugged. Lucie nodded but Cordelia could tell she was unconvinced. They reached an empty cabin and the four of them piled into it and shut the door. After getting settled in for their long train ride Cordelia reached into her bag which concealed Cortana. She grasped the cool hilt and she felt her body relax. She wasn’t sure what she was going to find in Cornwall, but if she did find something to tie the Landscarths murder with her parents, she knew she wouldn’t stop looking till she found the truth.

After hours of Lucie scribbling in a leather bound book, Matthew snoring loudly, and James writing marks on a map of Cornwall, Cordelia could no longer take it. She got to her feet and opened the door.

“You should stay inside the cabin, it’s better if we blend in as much as we can.” James said looking up from his map. His reading glasses were slipping down his nose and he had to push them back up. Cordelia felt herself smile, the gesture reminded her of when they were children.

“I can’t be confined in this cabin any longer or else I believe I’ll go mad. I won’t draw attention to myself, I’ll be back soon.” James was about to reply but Cordelia slid out the door and shut it before he could say anything further. She knew she was probably being rude but she desperately needed space.

Cordelia walked down the aisle of the train till she was at the very end. There was a giant window which displayed the countryside they were riding through. She had always wondered what living in the countryside would feel like. Having so much space you could do anything you wanted.

Idris was the closest Cordelia got to living in the country. Along with London, her mother looked down on those who lived in the countryside. She believed that, that was where the poor dwelled and Sona hated being wherever the poor were.

Cordelia knew that her grandparents spoiled her mother to no end as a child which was the reason for her mother’s haughty actions and words. It was most likely the reason Alastair was such idiot.

Her mother was a good person though, a good shadowhunter at least. She didn’t show it very often, but when she had to, her mother was the fiercest, most beautiful warrior Cordelia had ever seen. When Cordelia was a young girl, her and her family were walking in Luxembourg Gardens when a swarm of demons invaded the park. Her father with Cortana and her mother with a shamshir killed every one of them.

She remembered the way her mother’s long, dark hair splayed around her as she soared through the air, leaping to vanquish the demons who threatened her city and her children. Cordelia thought she looked like the Greek goddess Athena.

Her mother always thought the reason for Cordelia’s constant training was due to her father. But after the incident in the park, Cordelia aspired to be like her mother in combat. It was one of the many things, she had never told her mother. Cordelia could feel her throat begin to ache and her chest contract. She shook her head and focused on the rural land that was in front of her. She felt a tap on her shoulder and whirled around drawing cortana out of it sheath.

“Woah, woah, I wouldn’t have disturbed you looking longingly out at this drab country scene if I knew you were going to be pointing a sword at me.” Matthew said putting his hands up in defense while smiling. “But might I say, you still look quite fetching while ready to kill me.” Cordelia put Cortana back in it’s sheath quickly before anyone saw.

“I’m so sorry Matthew, you caught me off guard. You don’t like the countryside?” Cordelia asked hoping to not have frightened Matthew too badly. However, it seemed as if hadn’t affected him at all, only humored him. Did this happen often to him? Girls pointing their swords at him. Probably more like boys _and_ girls pointing their swords at each other at the chance to be graced by that award winning smile of his. Matthew shrugged his shoulders.

“It is beautiful, don’t misunderstand me. But there isn’t much excitement in plowing weeds and milking cows is there?” Cordelia chuckled but she understood what he meant. She loved the hustle of La Défense, a business district in Paris. She usually had a hard time sitting still, especially as a child, but in La Défense, she could sit for hours and watch the mundanes run to and fro from work, go into restaurants, talk to one another, make business strategies. Everything was so much faster in La Défense. It was actually fairly similar to London. “Anyways, we are practically to Cornwall, we should start making our way to the head of the train.” Cordelia walked behind Matthew as he led them back to their seats in their cabin.

Lucie had filed her novel away in her satchel and James was folding up his map when Matthew opened the cabin door.

“Ready?” Matthew asked leaning up against the door.

“Yes. Everyone have your belongings?” James said packing the rest of his bag. Cordelia clutched her bag and made sure Cortana was hidden in her coat before leaving the cabin with the rest of them. The train came to a stop and they got off. They looked around at the few people passing them. The train station was almost completely deserted.

“I guess not too many people travel in and out of Cornwall.” Lucie said shrugging.

“I believe that is an overstatement, my dear.” said Matthew.

“Isn’t the carriage supposed to be here by now? What is the time?” Cordelia asked. James looked at his pocket watch.

“Almost 2 o'clock. They should be here.” James tucked the pocket watch back into his pocket. Out of the corner of Cordelia’s eye she saw horses and a carriage coming towards them. She nodded to the other three to where the carriage was approaching. They all shared a look of uneasiness but approached the carriage. The man that got out was tall, he had broad shoulders, a mop of curly dark brown hair, and as they got closer, Cordelia could see that he had a pair of almost startling green eyes.

“You must be from the London Institute. My name is Robert Blackthorn, head of the Cornwall Institute. You may put your bags in th- _Colette_?” The man stopped talking and was staring confused at Cordelia. The others also turned to look a Cordelia also confused.

“ _Cordelia_ ,” Cordelia said apprehensively, “Cordelia Carstairs.” The man, Mr. Blackthorn, shook his head in disbelief.

“My apologies, but you reminded me of someone I knew a long time ago.” Mr. Blackthorn stepped aside. “We should be going now, let’s get in the carriage, it looks like it might rain.” Cordelia looked to the sky and saw dark clouds beginning to block out the sun. They piled into the carriage and Cordelia noticed that Mr. Blackthorn kept sneaking glances at her. She couldn’t help but feel self conscious and began fiddling with her skirt. _Who was Colette and why did she remind Mr. Blackthorn of her?_


	12. Three Fires

#  Chapter Twelve: Three Fires

“It’s not much further.” said Mr. Blackthorn. Cordelia could tell that he was uncomfortable sitting in a carriage with a group of juveniles. 

“Did you know the Landscarths, Mr. Blackthorn?” asked Matthew inquisitively. 

“Not personally. I’ve heard that they traveled frequently.” Mr. Blackthorn replied haughtily, jutting his chin out. Cordelia supposed he didn’t enjoy being questioned by people younger than him.

“So when no one heard from them for a month, no one questioned.” James added.

“I suppose. I’ve spoken with the Clave and they confirmed that there was no evidence left behind at the crime scene and no witnesses.” 

“A perfect crime.” Matthew spoke furrowing his brow. Mr. Blackthorn rolled his eyes.

“I don’t understand why the London Institute felt the need to send their persons to investigate when the Clave already has.  _ Children  _ especially.” Three pairs of eyes found their way to Cordelia. Her own told Lucie that they should most definitely  _ not  _ tell Mr. Blackthorn the true reason they were there. Lucie’s eyes shifted in understanding and cleared her throat.

“For experience, Mr. Blackthorn. James and I’s parents, the Heads of the London Institute, thought it would be good to visit a real crime scene.” Lucie said confidently tilting her head up high.

Lucie was an excellent liar, mostly because she was good at twisting and manipulating the truth and partly because she was a writer and could come up with extensive stories on the spot. Mr. Blackthorn huffed but didn’t say another word. The Cornwall Institute answered to the London Institute so there wasn’t much that he could do. She even felt herself feel a bit sorry for him. 

The carriage stopped once they approached a dead end in the trail up one of the cliffs of the coast. 

“This is as far as the carriage goes. I’ll wait here.” said Mr. Blackthorn with a slight smile on his face. The four of them got out of the carriage and began to walk up the hill. With each step Cordelia’s feelings of sympathy for Mr. Blackthorn faded to agitation. 

“We should have worn gear.” Lucie said while trudging alongside Cordelia. Cordelia nodded in agreement. They had decided against wearing any because they hadn’t wanted to draw attention to themselves while on the train. Matthew looked over his shoulder at the two girls.

“And  _ that  _ is why I am  _ so  _ glad I am not a woman.” Lucie rolled her eyes.

“But you’d make such an attractive housewife.” Cordelia said while carefully stepping over puddles of mud. She heard James let out a surprised laugh and saw Matthew push him almost down the hill. 

“You mean it wasn’t the social injustice, sexism, ageism, and shaming women go through that made you not want to be a woman?” Lucie said indignantly. 

“You’re right Luce, I am but a mere male whom could never bear such atrocities.” Matthew said while cleaning invisible dirt from his immaculate nails. 

“How much further do you think?”

“According to the map, not too far.” James got out the map and put his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “We actually should be here.” They continued walking till they came to a patch of scorched land. 

“This is it.” James said looking at the map. He tucked it away and the four of them stood staring at the black, dead grass. 

“This is it?” Matthew said in disbelief. The four of them looked around the surrounding grass for  _ anything  _ but they found nothing. 

“I guess the Silent Brother’s didn’t miss anything. There’s nothing _ to  _ miss.” James said defeated. 

“I’m sorry Cordy, I thought we would find something.” Lucie said reaching to take Cordelia’s hand, squeezing it. 

James and Matthew sat on the edge of the nearby cliff looking out to the ocean and Lucie walked over to join them. Cordelia felt foolish. She had inconvenienced her friends and Mr. Blackthorn for  _ nothing _ . She knew she should move on from her parent’s death like her brother but she couldn’t. There was something holding her back. 

She looked out at the vast hills and squinted at the sun when something caught her eye. She put her hand to her head shielding the sun from her eyes and saw what looked like a small house in the distance.

“What’s up there?” Cordelia pointed, everyone's heads turned. James took out the map and shook his head. 

“The map doesn’t show anything there.” The three stood up and walked to Cordelia. Matthew shrugged.

“It’s worth a shot.”  They walked for a while and as they got closer they saw that the small house wasn’t a house at all but an old barn. 

The door was knocked off it’s hinges and the walls had scorch marks. Matthew, James, and Lucie looked hesitant to go into the partially burned down barn. She took a deep breath before Cordelia slid beneath the door whilst trying not to make it fall. 

Inside, it was dark except for light shining down from the middle of the barn. She looked up and saw that the roof was badly burned creating a hole allowing sunlight to shine in. 

“What happened here?” Cordelia looked to the side of her and saw Lucie looking up at the roof as well. She looked behind her and saw Matthew and James looking around the barn. 

“It still smells like fire. It was burned recently.” Cordelia walked to the far edge of the barn and saw burned scraps of material. It reminded her of the dresses in her closet back in Paris. 

“And death.” Lucie said under her breath. She took out a pocket Kodak and started taking photographs of each wall of the barn. 

“By the angel.” Matthew muttered to himself. Everyone turned their heads and walked over to where he was. There were chains secured to the wall and they were bloodied. 

Cordelia walked away trying to steady her breathing. Do people _chain_ animals? _Or perhaps they were not used on animals_. She distantly heard the sound of Lucie taking more photographs. A fog had entered Cordelia’s head and she found it hard to steady herself. _Did someone die here?_ The fog drifted from her head down to her lungs making it feel like a weight was constricting them. She tried to take deep breaths the way her father had taught her to do when she was angry with her mother or Alastair. _Did her parents die in the fire or was the fire only to cover up their tortured bodies?_ Through the haze, she saw a pile of rags and Cordelia forced herself to walk to them.

They were covered in soot but Cordelia began looking through them. The roughness of the fabric helped her to focus back to the present and she was able to catch her breath. The fog dissipated and left her breathing heavy and mind anxious. At the bottom there was one rag that was heavier than the others. She took it and spread it open. On the rag she saw that there was a white, waxy substance dried on it. She touched it and realized that it was candle wax. _ A candle _ . 

James walked over to where she was kneeling and saw the rag in her hand. 

“Candle wax.” Cordelia said handing it  to James. James took it and inspected it. 

“Three fires. Two had a candle on site and one was only a mile away from the other.” Cordelia studied his face to see what he was thinking but there was no emotion. 

“What are you thinking?” She asked. Her heart began to race again but not from the haze she previously experienced. She cursed herself mentally for this happening in an eerie abandoned barn.  _ You are talking over a pile of soot filled rags that belonged to the angel knows who and you are blushing, get a hold of yourself. _

“I think that we should take the chains back with us, and the rag.” Cordelia nodded and stood up, both thankful and sorry to have a reason to put distance between her and James. Shaking her head to rid the blush on her face she walked to Matthew and Lucie and told them about the rag. 

They continued looking around the barn but is was nearly empty. Matthew tried to cut the bloodied chain with his seraph blade but wasn’t having much luck.

“Damned chains.” He said exasperated while hitting it a last time with his blade. Cordelia saw that there was a rune that was preventing the chains from being cut and a strange thought came to her mind. She took Cortana from it’s sheath. 

“If a seraph blade can’t cut it-” James was interrupted by the sound of the chains breaking. Cordelia led Cortana’s blade into the chains and they broke away at once. Matthew picked them up as Cordelia sheathed Cortana and looked flabbergasted, which Cordelia could tell was very rare for Matthew.

‘You were saying?” Cordelia turned to James and saw the surprise on his face as well. Which made her smile to herself. Lucie shook her head.

“How did it break the chains when a seraph blade couldn’t?” Lucie asked looking perplexed at the sword in its scabbard at Cordelia’s side. Out of habit she touched the hilt of Cortana. 

“I’m not sure. My father used to tell Alastair and I that it could cut through anything.” They all stood there for a moment looking at Cortana and the chains in Matthew’s hands.

“These smell god awful,” Matthew said looking distastefully at the chain in his hands, “might we leave this morose place before we end up like whatever was here before us?” They agreed and the four of them found their way back to the carriage. Mr. Blackthorn was reading the newspaper when they piled back into the carriage. He looked at them smugly. 

“Did you figure out the mystery?” he asked with fake enthusiasm which made Cordelia have to fight back the urge to tell them what they found. The four looked between themselves and tried to look glumly. Matthew shifted his pack which held the bloodied chains, Cordelia’s held the waxed rag. 

Mr. Blackthorn chuckled to himself when no one replied. She studied him while they rode back to the train station. It bothered her that she apparently looked so similar to someone she could be mistaken for them. She couldn’t take it anymore, after the barn she needed to know. They were halfway to the train station when Cordelia asked Mr. Blackthorn the one thing she had been wanting to ask him since she met him. 

“Who is Colette, Mr. Blackthorn?” The tension was palpable in the carriage. Mr. Blackthorn took a deep breath as if he had been expecting the question.

“Colette  _ Verlac _ . Her husband was Theodore Verlac.” Mr Blackthorn said solemnly. 

“Was?” Lucie asked intrigued. 

“He died years ago, there were rumors that his wife poisoned him. But of course, there was no proof.” 

“How did you know her?” asked Matthew equally intrigued. 

“Her and my son Rupert were friends.” Mr. Blackthorn said. There was an edge to his voice. A rising anger. 

“That was Tatiana’s husband wasn’t it? She’s our cousins’ aunt.” James said. 

“Ah yes _ , Lightwoods, _ anyways, my son was infatuated with Colette. He would have done anything for her,  _ and he did _ .” Mr. Blackthorn looked down at his lap. Cordelia, for the second time that afternoon, felt sorry for him. She wondered how long that would last. Cordelia knew that Rupert Blackthorn died by getting ripped apart by Benedict Lightwood when he turned into a giant worm. Tatiana Blackthorn saw it happen while pregnant with their son. Lucie had told Cordelia that Tatiana never came out of her house in Lightwood manor ever since. 

“Why did I remind you of her?” Cordelia asked shaking her head.

“Because you look just like her, I met her when she was in her twenties and besides the color of your hair you looked  _ just  _ like she did.” He leaned across the carriage towards Cordelia. “You even have her  _ eyes _ .” The carriage came to a stop and Cordelia was thankful. The jerking of the carriage shook Mr. Blackthorn from his memories and he leaned back. “But you are a  _ Carstairs  _ of course.” He said under his breath. The carriage was silent until James broke the uncomfortable silence by clearing his throat.

“Thank you for accompanying us and we are sorry if we inconvenienced you. Good day to you.” They got out of the carriage and boarded the train to London. 

The entire ride back to London Cordelia kept wondering who Colette Verlac was. She had heard the name Verlac in Paris but never Colette or Theodor Verlac. What did she look like? Why did she look like her? Lucie reached her hand to Cordelia’s and squeezed it reassuringly. Her parabatai rune felt warm and pulsed with comfort. 


	13. Maria Landscarth

# Chapter Thirteen: Maria Landscarth

No one talked much on the train. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts. Cordelia’s head felt like it was going to explode. The chains, the rag full of wax, Colette. It all felt like too much. It had also begun to rain sometime during the ride back to London, Cordelia wasn’t sure when.

“So what do we tell Uncle Will and Aunt Tessa?” Matthew asked leaning forward. “And my mum, she’s the Consul, I don’t think we should tell her yet until we have more information.”

“I agree, Aunt Charlotte doesn’t need to know yet, but my parents do. We should tell them as soon as possible.” James said. Everyone nodded in agreement. “Do you have any idea who this Colette Verlac woman is?” James questioned looking intensely at Cordelia. Cordelia forced herself to look away.

“No.”

“Maybe there will be something in the library about her.” Lucie said full of hope. “Maybe she’s your doppelganger.”

“Doppelgangers are obviously not real Luce.” Matthew said lazily. His legs were propped up against the wall of the cabin and his head was next to James’ lap.

“She sounded terrible, she strung Mr. Blackthorn’s son around for years and then killed her husband. Who would do that?” Cordelia shiverd.

“The same person killing shadowhunters randomly in fires?” James suggested.

“ _Seemingly_ random.” Matthew corrected. “There could still be a connection between them all.”

“My parents didn’t even know the Landscarths.” Cordelia said exasperated. “Or at least they never talked about them. _Ever_.”

“How much do you know about your parents before they had you and your brother? Or even before they married?” James asked. She shrugged.

“My mother grew up in Persia till she turned eighteen and then she traveled for years until she met my father. He lived in England and when they married they moved to Paris.” Everyone looked at her like they were waiting for more information. “That’s it I suppose.”

“That’s all you know? Where did your mother travel to after she left Persia? Has your father only lived in England? How did they meet? Where did they meet?” Matthew asked, he kept rambling off questions that made Cordelia’s head spin. Was she supposed to know all these things about her parents?

“My father has traveled and lived all over the world.” Cordelia answered the only question she knew something about. “Do you all know these things about your parents?” Cordelia asked.

“Mum lived in New York till she left to live with her brother when her aunt died, her and dad met when he rescued her from the Dark House. Da grew up in Wales until he left home to live in the Institute to become a shadowhunter. Neither of them have lived anywhere else because they’ve been running the Institute since Charlotte became the Consul.” Lucie said. It sounded like she had been studying for a history test and she was regurgitating facts about capitals.

“My mum has always lived in England until she had to move to Idris when she became Consul. My parents got married when she was sixteen. She thought he was settling a debt for their families and he thought she just wanted to be in charge of an Institute but they always loved each other. Very romantic if you asked me. Way more than saving someone from a warlock’s house.” Matthew said smiling smugly and looking up at James. James rolled his eyes. Lucie looked over at Cordelia, her eyes held sadness.

“Is that truly all you know about your parents?” Cordelia shrugged again. The more she heard her friends talking about their parents and their adventures, it made her feel as if she had lost more of her parents, a part of them she had never got the chance to see. Will never see.

“I guess my mother never thought it was our place to know. Maybe Alastair knows more.” She didn’t want to believe that her parents would have told Alastair more about themselves than they did to her. But it was a possibility. James and Matthew kept talking but Cordelia couldn’t stand to listen. She laid her head back against her seat and closed her eyes.

 

They had gotten back late at night so Bridget heated up dinner for the four of them. They ate dinner while they explained to Will and Tessa what happened in Cornwall. Will and Tessa looked surprised but proud when they had told them about finding the burned and abandoned barn and wary when the bloodied chains were mentioned.

“We were hoping that you could tell us what happened to whoever was chained so we brought it with us.” James said looking at Tessa. Cordelia knew that Tessa had the ability to change into someone once she held a piece of something that belonged to them, everyone knew. Tessa nodded and they all stood up from the dining table and followed her into the drawing room.

Matthew brought the bag that held the chains and laid it on the table in front of Tessa. She took a deep breath before reaching out and taking the chains into her lap. She touched the parts where it looked like the chains were rusted, but Cordelia knew better, she had seen them up close and knew it was dried blood.

She closed her eyes while holding the chains. Cordelia looked to Lucie who was staring at her mother with worried eyes. She wondered if she had ever seen her mother change into somebody else. Her eyes moved to James’ next. His gaze held the same worried expression Lucie’s did confirming her previous thought. They hadn’t. Glamouring herself was one thing, it was something Tessa 

Cordelia’s eyes fell onto Will’s but his face said something different. His face was more cautious than worried and more expectant, like he knew what was coming. He did, but their children didn’t and Cordelia certainly didn’t. She wondered if it hurt changing into someone else. If it felt different changing into someone alive or dead. A shiver ran along Cordelia’s spine and she grabbed Lucie’s hand. Lucie’s face softened and squeezed Cordelia’s hand gratefully.

The change was slow at first, hardly noticeable. Then, Tessa’s brown hair turned darker and grew longer and thicker till the pins in Tessa’s hair could not longer support the weight of it. Her cheekbones protruded from her face and her dress fell limply around her body like he had been starving. Her eyes flashed open and the grey in her eyes had turned dark brown and looked almost lifeless. Before Cordelia knew it, she could no longer recognize Tessa at all. She wanted to look to Lucie to see what she was feeling but Cordelia couldn’t take her eyes away.

“What is your name?” Will asked softly his eyes were filled now with sympathy.

“Maria Landscarth.” Said Tessa, except that it was no longer Tessa’s voice either. Cordelia felt Lucie stiffen. So the barn was where the Landcarths were kept. It was as if they were really talking to Maria Landscarth, they were.

“How did you die?” Maria looked confused and then she said in a slow, low voice.

“Fire.” The room was quiet for a minute before she spoke again. “We were chained inside of a barn for so long. He gave us scraps occasionally, he’d throw it to us like he was feeding pigs.”

“We?” Asked Will. She looked thoughtfully again before answering.

“My husband and I.”

“Who was keeping you locked in a barn?”

“It was a man, I never saw his face because he would only come in the night.” Will was about to ask another question but Maria spoke first. “And a woman. I heard her voice once from outside the barn.”

“Did you recognise the voice?”

“No.” She shook her head.

“Where did you die?” Asked Will remorsefully.

“In the barn.” She answered. Maria began to shake and suddenly just as quickly as the change happened it fell away and she could see Tessa again. She looked pale and tired. Will stood up and knelt by her chair. He picked up the chains and set them back on the table before taking Tessa’s hands in his.

“Are you alright, love?” He asked tenderly. Cordelia saw how much love there was between them and she found herself wanting that for herself. She wanted to be looked at the way Will looked at Tessa. Like she was the center of his universe. Her eyes wandered to James’ before realizing what she was doing. She tore her eyes from him. She was being ridiculous. _He is already in love with with somebody else_ she tried to tell herself. She tried to reason with herself that once she turned eighteen in a few months she would be able to travel the world and she would meet lots of men who weren’t already in love with someone. You can’t reason with your heart though. The heart heart doesn’t listen to reason or facts.

Cordelia was snapped out of her thoughts when Will begun helping Tessa out of the chair.

“It’s late, you should all return to your rooms for the night. We’ll talk in the morning.” Will said. They all began to walk out the door when Tessa turned around.

“Where is the rag with the candle wax?” She asked looking at Cordelia. Cordelia opened the bag she had brought with her and handed it to Tessa.

“I’ll make sure Jem takes a look at this.” Tessa smiled at her and left the room.

 

“Will she be alright?” Cordelia asked Lucie while walking up the stairs to their rooms. Matthew and James were behind them.

“Da says that when the person is alive it’s easier to come back from the change. But when they are dead, it takes a toll on her emotionally, especially if they died tragically or were in a lot of pain which Mrs. Landscarth was.” Cordelia nodded. She could hear the pain in Lucie’s voice of having to see her mother emotionally drained and weak. Cordelia took her hand. It had become their way of comforting the other. Holding her parabatai’s hand was like forming a link between their bodies mirroring the one they had in their hearts, in their souls.

The boys went to their rooms and Cordelia and Lucie went to their own. She laid awake that night trapped in her thoughts. Cordelia didn’t know when she was going to tell Alastair what happened. She didn’t want him going to the clave but she knew he had a right to know that their parents may have been murdered. Wouldn’t he want to know? Would he care? She focused on the window.

There were only a few days before December was here. The fog was like lead against the window making the gas lamps outside look like yellow glowing stars in the distance. When she finally fell asleep. Her dreams were filled with fires, of a woman who looked like her, and Maria Landscarth’s voice.

 

Neither Matthew or James could sleep so they retreated to the Library. They had retrieved a number of dust ridden files and books on subjects pertaining to shadowhunter families, properties owned by shadowhunters, and other miscellaneous, boring facts about shadowhunter families. Matthew pushed the book in front of him aside with a frustrated huff and rubbed at his eyes.

“The books can’t tell that your sulking.” James said without looking up from the comically large book in front of him.

“Perhaps if I groan loud enough they will realize my pain and show us what we are looking for. What are we even looking for anyways? I think I’ve just been reading the same sentence over and over for half an hour.” James let out a tired laugh.

“We are trying to find anything pertaining to the Landcarths, properties owned in Cornwall on the hill we visited today, and anything about a Collette or Theodor Verlac.” Matthew groaned at the long list and his eyes darted to the clock on the wall. James saw his eyes and groaned himself.

“Don’t even think about it.” James said returning to his book. Matthew could feel a smile beginning to leach out onto his face.

“Only for an hour, please Jamie?” James shook his head

“Last time we went we got thrown out by werewolves.”

“That was only because your scowl was making them nervous. Perhaps I’ll go by myself.” James looked up at Matthew and gave him a very serious look.

“Last time _that_ happened you joined a fairy can-can line and we didn’t see you until the next afternoon.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Matthew tipped back in his chair. “Come with me Jamie, the night is still young. We can get some drinks, have a few laughs, buy a few things and then leave.”

“We aren’t supposed to _buy_ anything Matthew.” Matthew waved his hand dismissing the statement.

“I can’t believe you are making me go _by myself_.” Matthew said standing up and striding to place the books back on the shelves.

“ _I_ am not making do anything. Can’t you stay out of trouble for one night.” Matthew looked up from the bookshelf and tried to give James an innocent smile.

“I’ve stayed out of trouble for many nights.” James rolled his eyes.

“Fine, do what you want. I’ll stay here and finish _investigating_ while you go off and leave behind your parabatai.” Matthew tried to swipe the book James was reading but James was faster and lifted the book as if to hit Matthew with it if he came any closer. Matthew raised his hands in defense and smiled to himself while backing away towards the door.

“I’ll give Merridia your best.” James groaned and returned to the book in front of him. Matthew closed the door, quickly retrieved his coat, and slinked out the back door of the Institute.

The air was cold and stug like a knife. Matthew couldn’t help the smile on his face. He knew if he pressed James enough to come with him that he wouldn’t. Not when he could do something to help _Miss Cordelia Carstairs_. Matthew laughed to himself at his parabatai’s blindness. James liked familiar, and familiar was Grace. He clung to his love for her for about as long as Matthew had known him. But Matthew could see the way James behaved around Cordelia. It was hard to describe, even with Matthews exuberant vocabulary. But he was different around her. Happier, calmer, more himself than he had seen James in almost a year.

Slowly, Matthew could hear voices the further he walked and then he could see the colorful lights of the Shadow Market. He picked up his pace and let the sounds draw him towards the colorful tents. He let his eyes slip the glamour away like falling silks. He leisurely began walking through the aisles of stalls and merchants. The sea of downworlders and glittering perfumes made Matthew’s head go wonderfully dizzy.

“Hello again, nephilim child. Where’s ya handsome brother ‘n arms?” Matthew smiled at the voice and looked at the old mundane.

“Hello Merridia, it seems my parabatai has decided to be a bore and not accompany me tonight.” Merridia scowled and returned back to her stall. Matthew guessed she was a mundane because she definitely was not a vampire or werewolf and her old age made Matthew think she was not likely a warlock. She sold old trinkets claiming to contain magic. Whether they did or not didn’t interest him. At least not tonight. No, tonight, Matthew was here without his parabatai for a reason.

He continued strolling through the stalls. Multicolored fey lights were strung above the stalls and tents. The tents were colored beautifully by warlock magic. Matthew loved the Night Market for all it’s color, vice, and secrets. If his parent’s knew he was here, or Uncle Will and Aunt Tess, Matthew wouldn’t be able to leave the Institute by himself ever again. But he didn’t dwell on that outlook. Not until he had to at least. As he walked he scanned the tents. A group of female werewolves flirted with him and he cast them his signature smile and winked which had left them swooning as he continued down the aisles.

“You’d make an excellent guest in faerie with that talent.” Matthew turned at the voice behind him, although he didn’t need to to know who it was.

“Don’t tease me at the prospect,” Matthew let his gaze settle on the faerie in front of him. Smooth, dark, brown skin whose arms tapered into long, slender hands. Hands that Matthew knew well. His normally gleaming eyes were replaced with disapproval. Matthew walked closer to the faerie. “Adaon.” Matthew whipered the faerie’s name but he turned away and began to walk to the back of the market.

“You shouldn’t have come.” Matthew followed Adaon through the downworlders and pushed him into an empty stall.

“But I did.” Matthew’s green eyes searched Adaons’ dark ones for something more. He slid his hand up Adaon’s sleek skin. It felt like when you ran your fingertips over the top of a pool of water. “And it’s my last night.” Matthew drew him in closer and set his lips at the crook of his neck. He could feel Adaons’ resolve crumbling.

“For how long?” Adaon raised his hand to the back on Matthew’s neck and tangled it in his hair. Matthew smiled against Adaon’s skin.

“Until Christmas Eve.” Matthew knew he’d find the use of the mundane holiday humorous as a marker of time. He felt it as Adaon laughed silently. “A few months.”

“A few months for you is different for me.” Matthew’s lips travelled up Adaon’s neck and to his jaw.

“Yes well, while I’m in hell, you will be enjoying the revels and court.” Matthew felt the other boy’s stiffness at the mention of his father’s court. “Well, perhaps not the Unseelie Court but I am sure there are a whole slew of doting members of the court who wouldn’t mind to enjoy what a prince has to offer.” Adaon removed his hands from Matthew’s hair and cupped face, bringing him to look in his eyes. It was Adaon’s turn to search Matthew’s eyes. He pushed the horrid feelings of jealousy deep inside himself, hoping the Unseelie Prince would not see.

“I do not care to see what they have to offer.” He brought Matthew’s face to his and they kissed. He tasted like how spring smells, crisp and light and of sweet flowers. Matthew wondered how _he_ tasted. Did he taste like the hearty soup he had for dinner or like smoke from the train. By the angel, he hoped not. But whatever he tasted like, Adaon seemed to like it. Matthew knew that being _involved_ with downworlders was something not even to be spoken about. The act so  _incredulous_ that a shadowhunter would stoop themselves down to a downworlders level and let themselves be _violated_. It was something a majority of the clave wouldn't like to believe would ever happen. It angered Matthew to have these thoughts loose in his head, especially when said downworlder was the only person Matthew thought about while lying awake at night. Matthew plunged even deeper into Adoan hoping to silence the prejudice of his own people and they drowned in each others embrace. Adaon bit at Matthew’s lip which earned him a gasp. In return Matthew pushed Adaon up against the brick wall in the back of the abandoned stall. This was a game they played to see how long one could hold out against the other. It was a game that ended with the two boys in heap of hot breath and discarded clothing. 

 

When Matthew returned to the Institute and to his room James was sitting on the bed holding a book. Not just a book, an even bigger one than Matthew had seen him reading earlier that night.

“Please don’t tell me you had nothing better to do than to wait adamantly for me to return.” James rolled his eyes and studied Matthew. Matthews clothes were fairly disheveled and James raised his eyebrows at him. Matthew walked to the other side of his bed and flung a pillow at him. “Nosy.”

“I’ve been waiting here because I found something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and for the kind comments! I love reading them and they motivate me to post more! Let me know what you guys think and if you like this story it would mean so much to me if you bookmarked, subscribed, and shared it!  
> Follow me on tumblr @cordeliaheronstairsx !!


	14. The Picnic

# Chapter Fourteen: The Picnic

Cordelia woke up to Bridget knocking on the door and pulling her curtains fully open. She groaned before getting into the wash basin. She felt exhausted and mentally drained after the day she had yesterday. After her bath and dressing, Bridget did Cordelia’s hair in intricate braids and put in tiny flowers throughout. Cordelia felt a bit silly having flowers in her hair when shadowhunters from throughout London would be here for, of all things, a picnic. She always thought flowers were delicate and frail and she didn’t want people thinking she was too. Her mother would have _loved_ her to be delicate and frail. Forever submissive and forever boring. The tiny red flowers almost blended into her hair so they were not too noticeable, thank the angel. She wore a dark green satin dress. Cordelia looked at herself in the mirror and took in a breath. How many people would give their regrets to her for her family? How many people would look at her with pity? She smoothed out her dress and schooled her features to portray a cool sense of nonchalance. It probably wouldn’t convince Lucie or her parents but it would fool the others.

When she left her room, Lucie was outside of hers waiting. She was wearing a light blue dress that made her eyes shine. They walked down to the hall which was in mild chaos. Linen was being dragged everywhere. Baskets of food were being passed from one servant to the next. Cordelia hadn’t even seen most of these servants before. Had they always been there? They got to the dining hall which was contrastingly quiet from the loudness of the hall. James and Matthew were eating their breakfast while huddled over an old book. Will was talking animatedly with Tessa, a woman with her hair in a neat updo, and a man with streaks of red and grey in his hair.

“Lucie, Cordelia, good morning” Will said looking up at them. Lucie leaned in to give her father a kiss.

“Cordelia, you of course know Charlotte and Henry Branwell.” The woman and the man smiled at her. She had met Charlotte a few times in Idris. Alastair and their oldest son were friends but for some reason she had never met Matthew or Henry before coming to the Institute. She hadn’t thought it was strange till this moment and she shook the stray thought from her head.

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Cordelia.” said Charlotte and Cordelia said so as well. Her eyes traveled to their eldest son Charles who smiled at her politely. She found herself wondering where Alastair was. She couldn’t believe he wouldn’t see the only person he would deem worthy of his time. Lucie and Cordelia took seats across from Matthew and James.

“What are you two reading?” Lucie asked leaning over the table curiously trying to get a look at the book. It was huge and the pages where thin and yellowed showing it’s age. One wrong flip of a page could tear it into pieces. There were hundreds of stray pages stuffed in between adding to the size. Matthew looked up and smiled at them like he was up to something. He probably was.

“This book contains records of all shadowhunters; births, marriages, deaths, all of it. We are trying to find out if there is anything in here to link your family and the Landscarths.” Matthew looked at Cordelia and she nodded. “Also we wanted to see if we could find a Colette Verlac but so far we haven't found the Verlac family yet.” Matthew returned to looking at the book.

“So it’s a family tree of shadowhunters?” Cordelia asked looking over the table as well.

“A giant, complicated, misleading, old family tree that takes up thousands of pages.” James replied. It looked like him and Matthew had been up all night. Had they been reading this book all night? Without Lucie and Cordelia?

“You should have told Lucie and I sooner, we could have helped.” 

“You had quite a day yesterday, I- we just wanted to take some weight off your shoulders. You aren’t in this alone.” James’ eyes bore into her own and her heart fluttered- no, soared. Had he meant to say I? Realistically, it was probably just a slip of the tongue. But it made Cordelia’s heart fill up with hope, too much hope. It blinded her vision and thinking of all things rational. His eyes held sincerity and something else, Cordelia wasn’t sure what, but it made his eyes look darker, richer, like dark gold treacle. Finally Cordelia nodded and James’ lips twitched up into a smirk.

 

The four of them left the dining room to help set up for the picnic. Lucie went with Matthew to make sure Bridget was doing well with the food which left James and Cordelia with the flowers.

James and Cordelia were at the park next to the Institute making sure the flowers were arranged how Tessa wanted. They were walking together in silence through the rows of blankets and benches set up for the picnic.

“We didn’t mean to not include you and Lucie in the search last night.” Cordelia looked to James. He looked rather miserable or maybe just sleep deprived. It was always hard to tell with James. Nothing like he was yesterday morning.

“I know.” Cordelia said simply. James looked over at her mildly amused.

They walked to one of the tents set up. Cordelia reached down to a barrel filled with beautiful flowers and began hanging them. James walked to Cordelia and leaned against the tent watching her. She continued hanging up flowers until she couldn’t go any further with James blocking her.

“I think you need to cheer up.” Cordelia said smiling at James. James rolled his eyes so Cordelia began to twist her face in a strange way.

“Very funny.” James said looking out to the rest of the park. When he turned back Cordelia scrunched her brows and stuck out her tongue in another silly face. James tried to force down his smile but when she crossed her eyes he couldn’t help but let out a laugh. It lit up his entire face. When he laughed, his eyes shined bright and boldly. Cordelia relaxed her face and couldn’t help herself from smiling.

When James caught his breath he reached into the bucket and began pulling out a few daisies and placed them in her hair while she continued hanging flowers.

“Do you miss Paris?” Cordelia stopped in the middle of hanging the strand of flowers. The question caught her by surprise but she answered honestly.

“I do.”

“What’s it like?” Cordelia laughed.

“Why didn’t you ever accompany Lucie and Tessa. You could have found out for yourself.” James shrugged.

“I guess I was too busy reading and misbehaving with Matthew.” Cordelia laughed. “Don’t change the subject.” Cordelia narrowed her eyes at James, feigning annoyance. She continued hanging the flowers and shrugged.

“It rains more than it does here, but it’s warmer during this time of year until winter comes. The food is definitely better along with the music.” James snorted at the last comment.

“What is wrong with our music?” James asked amused.

“Nothing.” Cordelia shook her head before smiling again. “It’s just better in Paris.”

“Alright, does that mean everything in Paris is better?” Cordelia looked into James’ eyes and didn’t answer for a few seconds. _Not everything._ She shook her head out of it’s reverie and shrugged.

“I’ll admit though,” James raised an eyebrow at this, “London is growing on me.” 

The rest of the morning was filled with a blur of helping prepare for the picnic. People had started to arrive when Cecily and Gideon Lightwood came into the Institute holding a small child. Lucie introduced Cordelia to Cecily, she was beautiful and looked like her brother Will in so many ways it was a bit strange.

“So _this_ is your parabatai.” Cecily said looking Cordelia up and down.  "I am pleased - it is high time I think more girls became parabatai with each other." Tessa and Will walked into the hall and when they saw Cecily, their faces lit up.

“Cecy!” Will exclaimed with a smile overtaking his face.

“I know, I know you missed me, what else is new.” She said sarcastically but her face was just as bright and she couldn’t hide the smile on her face. Tessa pried the baby out of Cecily’s arms looking like she was in heaven to have a baby to hold.

“Missed _you_ ? Of course. _Lightworm_? Not so much.” Will said while enveloping his sister into a hug. She pulled away and hit him hard on the chest but their smiles didn’t fade. Gabriel looked annoyed.

“Always lovely seeing you Will.” Will narrowed his eyes at Gabriel but there was a softness to the look, almost a fondness. _Almost_.

“Where’s Christopher and Anna?” Lucie asked looking past Cecily and Gabriel.

“Christopher is at the park helping James and Matthew finish setting up. Anna should be here soon, _hopefully_.”

Lucie and Cordelia went down the steps and passed Sophie and Gideon Lightwood. Lucie introduced Cordelia to them as well and to their children Thomas, Eugenia, and Barbara.

“Come with us Thomas, we are going to find the boys.” He nodded and walked with the two of them to the park.

“So you live in Idris, Thomas?” Cordelia asked breaking the silence.

“Sometimes. We stay in London the majority of the time though. How are you taking to London?”

“Well it’s quite different than Paris, except for the weather, those who say London is always raining had obviously never been to Paris.” Thomas smiled. He had a nice smile, it reached his eyes which were a pretty hazel color.

They hadn’t realized how many people were already there in the park, they politely greeted people and moved past searching for the three boys until they finally saw them. They were by the pond but they were joined by five other boys and they did not seem to be friends.

 

Matthew and James had finished setting up the last tent when they heard voices behind them. They turned around and saw Laurence Dearborn, Frances Trueblood, and three other boys who looked vaguely familiar from the Academy looking mischievous.

“How are you goatface? Having a lovely afternoon?” Laurence snickered. The other four did as well.

“Piss off Dearborn.” Matthew said annoyed. James flinched at the old nickname Alastair had giver him years ago.

“We haven’t seen you two lovebirds in a while.” James’ hands tightened into fists.

“Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and leave us alone.” He tried to keep his voice down as to not cause a scene.

“Isn’t that what _we_ are supposed to say to _you_? Go back to your demon family, your shadowhunter one doesn’t need or want you.” Frances sneered.

“Do you _really_ want to do this here? In front of the Council and the Enclave? You aren’t a bright lad are you?” Matthew laughed but he was fuming on the inside. James could see it building. Matthew was always nonchalaunt until it came to the people he loved.

“Perhaps his sister is also a demon but is like their mother and has no demon mark _visible_. Perhaps we should check for her mark ourselves.” Frances laughed to the other boys. A pain shot through James. He thought it was anger at first but it continued and became stronger and stronger.

James fell to his knees. His eyes felt like they were burning his whole body did. There was shouting and when he looked up the five boys were gone. James looked down at himself and saw that he was turning into a shadow.

 _No. this can’t happen, not now._ James tried to slow down his breathing like Jem taught him and he began to see his legs again. The pain shot back and they disappeared again. With the pain came memories that were resurfacing in his brain. They whirled around making him dizzy. Grace and her loneliness, her wanting for a friend. Matthew and the look on his face when he found out about the night with Magnus. _You carry my life in those careless hands_. His mother’s face. His father’s face. Red hair.

James cried out. Lightning seemed to fork behind his vision, and suddenly he was back in Regent’s Park, kneeling on the grass. There was a firm grip on his shoulders. “Jamie, Jamie, Jamie,” said an urgent voice, and James, his breath tearing in and out of his chest, tried to focus on what was in front of him.

_Matthew._

Everything was blurred in that moment but Matthew’s face, his green eyes wide and dark and steady. Behind him moved other figures; they seemed in that moment like the shapes James had been finding in the clouds of his mind inchoate and untouchable.

“Jamie, breathe,” Matthew said, and his voice was the only steady thing in a world turning upside down. It had been years since this had happened. Years. The horror of it happening in front of a crowd of people .

“Did they see me?” he said in a cracked voice. “Did they see me turn?”

“You didn’t,” Matthew said, “or at least, only a very little bit — perhaps just a bit fuzzy round the edges”.

“It’s not funny,” James said through his teeth, but Matthew’s humor acted like a slap of cold water; he opened his eyes fully, saw Thomas and Christopher looking down at him. They had positioned themselves so as to block him from the crowd at the lake’s edge.

“Get up,” Thomas said. “It’s the best thing you can do, James, we’ll tell them you tripped or fell.” His hazel eyes were anxious but his tone was reassuring. “Honestly all the attention was on Ariadne.”

Matthew’s hands on James’ shoulders turned into a grip on his arms, and James was hauled upright by his three best friends. Christopher produced a handkerchief from somewhere and began to dust his lapels.

“ _Chris,”_ said Matthew. He was the only person who ever used that nickname for Christopher besides Anna. “Stop. Who cares if he’s dusty? He was just _invisible_.”

“But he isn’t any more,” Christopher pointed out.

“We need to get you back to the Institute,” said Matthew to James in a low voice. “If you’re going to start suddenly going all — shadowy — for no reason, then the Silent Brothers —“

“Not the Silent Brothers,” said Thomas. “Just Zachariah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Let me know what you guys think and if you like this story it would mean so much to me if you bookmarked, subscribed, and shared it!  
> Follow me on tumblr @cordeliaheronstairsx !!


	15. Shadow Problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer- All snippets and characters used belong to Cassandra Clare

# Chapter Fifteen: Shadow Problem

Cordelia and Lucie rushed up the steps to the Institute. Luckily, Charles proposed to a girl named Ariadne he had been courting which allowed the boys to sneak James away back to the Institute unseen. As they entered the Institute Matthew was hurrying down the stairs.

“Is he alright?” Lucie asked worriedly.

“Yes, Uncle Jem is on his way but he needs ingredients.” Matthew said in a rush of words. Cedric was standing at the door waiting for him.

“The carriage is ready.” An old looking carriage was waiting next to the nicer ones of the guests. 

“Thank you Cedric.” Matthew said in a rush heading to the carriage.

“We are coming too!” Lucie called following Matthew to the carriage, Cordelia right behind her.

The three of them barely had any time to settle into the carriage before it sped away from the Institute.

Cordelia clutched Lucie’s hand as they jolted through the streets in the carriage, surrounded by the blurred traffic of omnibuses, motorcars, and pedestrians. She was worried and so was Cordelia.

Advertisements whirled past. _THE HORSESHOE HOTEL. THREE GUINEA STOUT. NEW PALACE STEAMERS._ Signs advertising tailors and fishmongers, hair tonic and cheap printing. Matthew, sitting across from them on the upholstered carriage seat, was muttering and swearing to himself, his hair sticking out madly.

“Hidebound,” he muttered. “Weasels.”

“What?” said Lucie.

“I think he said hidebound weasels,” said Cordelia. “But who do you mean, Matthew? Are you angry at us?” Matthew flung himself sideways so his long legs were pulled up on the bench seat in front of him, and his profile was presented to Lucie and Cordelia. It was a fine profile: he was much more delicate-featured than his brother, who had a broad, strong face. Matthew had a face that looked as if it had been meant to be painted on china. She hadn’t noticed it until she saw Charles this morning.

“Of course not,” he said. “It’s just appalling how they all treat James.” He glanced at Cordelia, and then at Lucie. “She knows, doesn’t she?”

“Not exactly.” Lucie looked nervously at Cordelia.

“Do I know what?” Cordelia hated the way they were both looking at her. Like she was left out of a secret. Alastair always gave her those looks as a child and it drove her mad.

“You saw what happened to James?” Lucie asked. Cordelia shook her head confused.

“I don’t know _what_ I saw.” Cordelia said quietly.

“James and I have demon blood from mum.” Lucie said quietly as well. “It allows James to disappear.” She said slowly looking at Cordelia's face trying to tell what she was thinking.

_“Invisible?”_

“A shadow really.” Matthew interjected looking stressed.

“A shadow?” Cordelia asked. “What about you?” If James had this ability, didn’t Lucie?

“I don’t have any powers." Lucie replied. There was something in her voice that made Cordelia think that perhaps she was disappointed at the fact. "I suppose the demon blood doesn’t affect everyone.” Lucie looked down into her lap. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Cordy. We are supposed to tell each other everything because we are parabatai, and I wanted to tell you but-” Lucie was cut off by Cordelia interrupting her.

“Luce, it’s alright. I understand why you didn’t.” Lucie looked up at her. She had tears forming in her eyes and Cordelia squeezed her hand. “Does this always happen when he changes into -” Cordelia hesitated.

“Into a shadow? No.” Matthew kept pulling at his hair. “He usually is able to change in and out of a shadow seamlessly. But when he first learned he could, it was hard for him to control. For some reason he couldn't control the change this time.”

“Did it have something to do with why you were talking to those boys?” Cordelia asked raising an eyebrow. Matthew closed his eyes and rubbed them mumbling something under his breath.

“By the angel, you really must stop with the mumbling Matthew.” Lucie exclaimed. 

“They hate Jamie.” Matthew shouted. Lucie and Cordelia were quiet and the noises of London were echoing in the carriage. “They hate him for no reason, they don’t know him. They hate him for being different and they hate him because that scares them.”

“It’s been this way since he and Matthew went to the Academy. It started with- with your brother.” Lucie explained looking apologetically at Cordelia.

“You mean _Alastair_ was the one who started this?” Cordelia could feel anger rising up in her. She knew Alastair could be cruel and that he didn’t like James or Matthew. But she didn’t know Alastair was the one who made so many people hate James, made him feel like he was an outsider, like less than a shadowhunter than everyone else.

“Cordy, it was a long time ago. He was young and foolish like most boys are.” Lucie tried to justify, but Cordelia couldn't handle any more justifications of her brother's behavior. 

“That doesn’t give him an excuse to make somebody’s life _miserable_!” She knew she was shouting but she didn’t care.

“His life isn’t _completely_ miserable, he has _me_.” Matthew was regaining the humor in his voice but he still looked tense.

“But his life could have been different if Alastair never turned the Academy against him!” The carriage stopped abruptly and they piled out of the carriage when Matthew pulled Cordelia back.

“The truth is that if it wasn’t Alastair, it would have been someone else. Because of his eyes, it’s always going to be _somebody_ who only sees the demon blood.” Matthew eyes up close were full of pain, pain for his parabatai.

He let her go and led the way across the road. They walked into a small shop that had it’s entrance hidden on the side of a tavern. It smelled like stale ale, the smell wafted into Cordelia’s nose and she fought the urge to cover her nose. A woman was standing behind a counter looking at them suspiciously.

“No shadowhunters allowed.” The woman croaked. The three looked to each other for a beat before Matthew stepped forward towards the counter.

“We are meant only to pick up a few ingredients, they are for William Herondale.” Matthew gave her one of his award winning smiles. She rolled her eyes.

“William Herondale you say?” The woman said slowly like she was trying to recollect a  memory. “I haven’t heard the name in years.” A smile spread onto her face but it was a smile that made Cordelia’s gut feel warry. “He was quite the charmer if I remember.”

“Yes, if you’d let us have the ingredients we will be on our way. No more shadowhunters.” Lucie said sounding impatient. None of the three knew how serious James’ condition was so the sooner they got back to the Institute, the better. The woman huffed and walked into a room behind the counter. Cordelia looked to Lucie.

“I don’t like this place.” She said in a hushed tone.

“I don’t either, I can’t believe my father knew her.” The store was packed full of peculiar items. Colored liquids in jeweled and glass bottles, fangs and claws in jars, weapons of all kinds were stacked messily on shelves which took up the entire room. The woman came out with a bag which she set on the counter. Lucie and Cordelia stayed back while Matthew looked into it.

“This is all of it?” Matthew asked making sure. The woman nodded. Matthew set down coins onto the counter and took the bag,

“Tell William Herondale the dens miss him.” The old woman said as they walked out the door.

“Dens?” Cordelia asked as they were getting back into the carriage.

“Yin fen dens.” Matthew replied in hushed tones.

“Father used to buy Uncle Jem his supply when they lived in the Institute.” Lucie added.

“Brother Zachariah used yin fin?” Lucie nodded.

“Uncle Jem lost his family in a demon attack and was tortured using demon poison. It made him addicted to it so when he was finally brought to the London Institute, the only way for him to survive was to take yin fen.” Cordelia hadn’t known this about Brother Zachariah. He had lost his family and been _tortured_. Sadness swelled in her. “Da didn’t like Jem having to go into the yin fen dens because they were dangerous and unpleasant.”

“Is that why he turned into a Silent Brother? Because he was dying from the yin fen?”

“He had been dying since the demon attack, the yin fen just made the dying slower and less painful. But he couldn’t leave mum and da so he became a Silent Brother.” Cordelia couldn't imagine the life Brother Zachariah had lived. Reliant on a drug that was saving him while also killing him slowly. All while mourning the loss of his family.  

 

The ride back the Institute was just as rough and bumpy as before. When they arrived they flew out of the old carriage and ran upstairs to the Infirmary.

Cordelia had never been in the infirmary of the Institute, it was dimly lit and had rows of beds. Only one of them was being occupied at the moment. Will and Tessa were huddled on the side of James’ bed. Brother Zachariah was on the other side. He had come immediately when Will and Tessa needed him. Cordelia had a sudden realization that  _this_ was Brother Zachariah's family. The one he couldn't leave behind. She looked at the Herondales huddled around the infirmary bed and had another thought pop into her mind. That of all the families Brother Zachariah could have been found, this was one that had no shortage of love. 

Matthew strode to the bed and handed Brother Zachariah the bag. Brother Zachariah’s hand came out from under the robe and it was human, this shouldn’t have surprised Cordelia, Brother Zachariah was young for a silent brother so he wasn’t as ancient as the others, but it did. He took out the ingredients that were in the bag and set them on the table next to James.

Lucie moved to stand by Matthew at the end of James’ bed. She looked to the side at Cordelia and motioned her to come so Cordelia slowly walked to the bed. James’ chest was bare and Brother Zachariah was placing pieces of cloths soaked with the liquids from the vials onto him. Cordelia took Lucie’s hand, she was breathing deeply and when Cordelia looked up at her, her face was drowning in worry.

“How is he?” Cordelia asked cautiously for her parabatai’s sake. Will looked between Cordelia and Lucie and a faint smile spread over his also worried face.

 _His body is extremely tense and his muscles look to be exhausted. He will recover but he needs rest._ Brother Zachariah spoke into their minds. He was finishing placing all of the cloths onto James. _These will relax the muscles hopefully allowing him to control the change._

“He’ll be okay though, right Uncle Jem?” Matthew asked looking up at Brother Zachariah with hopeful eyes.

 _Yes, thanks to the friends and family he has._ Brother Zachariah looked to Will and Tessa and they were looking at him with love and longing.

 

Will and Tessa sent the three of them out of the Infirmary to make sure the guests wouldn’t become suspicious. They walked down the steps of the Institute and found Thomas and a boy with curly hair and glasses sitting on them. They stood up once they say the others coming towards them.

“Is he alright?” asked Thomas.

“Yes, just resting now.” Matthew said looking out to the crowd

“What made him become out of control, that hasn’t happened since-” Matthew interrupted Thomas.

“Since the Academy.” Matthew finished.

“Perhaps his emotions are why he couldn’t control the change?” The boy with glasses, who she assumed to be Christopher Lightwood, suggested.

“What do you mean?” Cordelia asked. They boy readjusted his glasses and looked at her like he hadn’t noticed her until just then.

“The boys that were talking with James were making him angry. It’s possible his emotions being out of control could have caused his change to be out of control.”

“That’s a nice theory Chris but I hate to say that altercation with Dearborn and his cult wasn’t the first and he never lost control like that before.” Matthew said looking tired.

“Whatever it is, Uncle Jem will figure it out.” Lucie reassured, however Matthew didn’t look it.

“Is something else wrong, Matthew?” Cordelia asked walking over to him. He sat on the steps and Cordelia sat next to him.

“I’m leaving for Idris with my mum and dad,” Matthew put his head into his hands, “now, when Jamie needs me the most, I’m supposed to go home.”

“Wouldn’t your parents understand? He is your parabatai.”

“Of course they would!” His hands shot out in front of him. “But I haven’t seen them in weeks and my father he’s-” Matthew searched for the right words “He needs me.” His voice went soft and it cracked. Cordelia knew his father was gossiped to be mad with his inventions but Lucie told her that he’s not mad at all but an eccentric genius. Cordelia took his hand into hers.

“James knows that you love him and that you will always be there for him. He also knows that you have to be with your family.” Matthew looked into Cordelia’s eyes and he slowly nodded and smiled.

“I’ll continue looking for answers about the fires and about Collette. You deserve to know the truth, Delia.” Cordelia was surprised. She knew Matthew thought of the fires as a mystery that needed solving and she thought that was all it was. But he was also doing it for her. “You’ll keep an eye on him, Jamie, won’t you?” Cordelia nodded. Matthew smiled at that.

“But he has Lucie and his parents to watch over him as always, so he doesn’t exactly need me.” She looked down at her hands, Matthew was still holding one of them.

“I think you two would be good for eachother.” She looked up at him confused. “Jamie needs someone in his life that can show him that there is more to life than what he already has.” He looked as if he wanted to say more but decided against it. And instead only said, “I’ll see you on Christmas Eve.” He pulled Cordelia into his arms, hugged her, and kissed her cheek.

Cordelia hadn’t realized how little she hugged people other than Lucie until now. It shocked her, but she let herself relax into Matthew’s embrace.

Charlotte wheeled Henry out of the side entrance of the Institute and they waited at the bottom of the stairs for Matthew to meet them. He said his goodbyes to Lucie, Thomas, and Christopher and met his parents at the bottom of the steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being so patient and kind to me. Sometimes I forget to update so comments help remind me!


	16. Daisy

#  Chapter Sixteen: Daisy

When James woke, the room was a myriad of shapes and colors. He couldn’t focus on anything for too long. Slowly the shapes and colors turned into faces, or rather one face in particular. 

“Cordelia?” She had been sitting in the chair next to his bed concentrating on a book, his eyes hadn’t adjusted enough to read the title of it, when she jumped in surprise.  James guessed she wasn’t prepared for him to wake up. He rubbed his eyes and saw that it was  _ A Tale of Two Cities _ , the one his father gave to his mother. 

“James! Brother Zachariah said you wouldn’t wake for another few hours, I’ll go tell your parents that you’re awake.” She got up to leave but James shook his head and tried to sit up. 

“No.” His voice croaked. “Water.” Cordelia stopped at the foot of his bed and turned around to the cart that had a pitcher of water. She poured a glass and brought it to him. Her hair was pinned with flowers that matched her hair but stray stands were escaping like she had been running. 

James lifted the cold glass to his lips and the water felt like heaven. How long had he been asleep for? 

“I should tell Will and Tessa that you’re awake.” James groaned.

“Please don’t. They’ll only fuss over everything and give me a headache which will only lead to my healing taking longer.” Cordelia looked at James carefully, probably trying to assess the extent of his injuries which, on the surface, were none.

“You’re lucky to have people who fuss about you. It means they care for you.” Cordelia retorted softly. James looked down at the blankets covering the lower portion of his body and nodded before looking back at her.

“I apologise, I know I am. Sit, please.” James wouldn’t exactly call himself lucky. Being so blind to heartbreak you never see it coming until your heart is in shatters at your feet. That’s not lucky, but compared to Cordelia’s life it was. She hesitantly sat back down in the chair. The look of hesitation on her face made his heart drop to his stomach for some reason. Perhaps the reason she wanted to retrieve his parents was because she was frightened to be in the same room as him. Surely they told her about his demon blood and what he could do because of it. Now, she didn’t even want to sit in the same room as him. He couldn’t even blame her, James wouldn’t want to either if he had the option. 

“Matthew left a few hours ago with his family.” Cordelia broke their silence. “But not before he drew fresh ones.” James looked down at his arms and saw new runes and immediately knew that his parabatai had drawn them. The chord pulling at his parabatai had begun to hurt for the first time in months. He missed Matthew already. 

“I’m sorry you had to see this- everything that happened today.” He tried to avoid her eyes but he sneaked a glance at her, Cordelia looked confused. Had they not told her? “Me losing control of my-”

“Shadow?” Cordelia finished. She still looked confused. “Why are you apologising, James? It wasn’t your fault that you couldn’t control it. It’s not even your fault that you  _ can _ turn into a shadow.” It was James’ turn to look confused. 

“You mean you aren’t- aren’t  _ frightened  _ by it?” James asked softly. 

“You think I’m  _ frightened _ of  _ you _ ?” Cordelia began to smile incredulously at him and shook her head. “Does that mean you think I’m frightened of your  _ mother,  _ of  _ Tessa _ ?” James didn’t know what to think. 

“Of course not of my mother. My mother-”

“Has more demon blood than you do.”

“Well, yes but she’s-” 

“Not a monster or frightening.”

“Of course not-”

“Then you aren’t either.” They were both silent for a beat. He looked at her face. Her dark eyes. He didn’t know what to think. Matthew, Christopher, and Thomas were the only ones besides his family who knew of his ability. When he first told them he thought they would run screaming but they didn’t. Perhaps because Matthew hadn’t and Christopher and Thomas followed suite. Now someone who he hadn’t even talked to a month ago knew and she wasn’t running away screaming either. How did he manage to find the only four people in the world who wouldn’t look at him like a monster? He thought for a moment, then James removed the blankets and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. 

“James! Slow down, you aren’t even supposed to be awake little alone walking around.” That made James smile. Cordelia leaped out of her chair and helped James stand. Once he was stable she looked up into his eyes and for once he wasn’t self conscious about what she might see or think. 

 

“Where are we going?” Cordelia asked as she followed James down the the staircases of the Institute. James’ suddenly burst of energy took an effort for Cordelia to keep up but she did.

“I’ve told you already, it’s a surprise.” There was humor in his voice that was usually reserved for whenever he was speaking to Matthew or Lucie. They approached the main hall when they heard voices. 

“Meet me in the Library.” James said quietly in Cordelia’s ear so that no one else would hear. She closed her eyes at the sudden close proximity and when she opened them he was gone. She looked around the corner where he should have been but there was no one there. Cautiously she crept quietly around the corner of the stairs and down the hall to the Library. Luckily who ever that was talking was gone now and she was able to sneak into the Library undisturbed. 

When she walked into the room it was empty. Did he get lost? Did he fall somewhere and was currently unconscious? And under her watch of course.  _ Perfect.  _ She felt someone behind her so she spun around quickly and found a pair of familiar golden eyes staring back at her. 

“How am I supposed to know when you are in a room if I can’t see you?” Cordelia asked keeping their eyes locked. He smiled but didn’t answer. Instead, he pulled a book from behind his back. It was an old, leather bound book. Even though Cordelia couldn’t remember the name of the book, when it was right in front of her, she remembered the memories she had with this book. She took the book from James’ outstretched hand and flipped through the pages. They were delicate and smelled the way she expected centuries would smell if they did. In a good way. She looked up at James who was smiling smugly.

“ _ Aeneid _ , it’s one of my favorite books written in Latin.” 

“You remembered?” Her voice was bewildered. Her eyes searched his for answers. 

“It was the first time we spent time together just us, and well one of the last before you arrived here. You probably didn’t even understand what I was saying but I had never read aloud to someone who wasn’t Lucie. I’m surprised  _ you _ remembered it.” Cordelia could feel her face becoming hot. 

“I didn’t know the words but I liked the sound of your voice, the way you made the words come off the paper and bring them to life.” 

James stepped closer, tentatively, beginning to close the the small gap between them. He placed one hand on her arm and the other was lifted to her face as he tucked a strand of her messy hair behind her ear. 

Their eyes never strayed. 

James leaned closer to her mouth. 

Cordelia’s heart was beating rapidly like it had the first day she saw him again on the steps of the Institute. 

She pressed her lips against his and was surprised when James didn’t back away.  _ He was kissing her. _

_ James _ . Was kissing her and holding her tightly. His hand let go of her arm and took her waist instead and the other hand was caressing her head. He tangled his fingers into her already tangled hair. 

He tasted of the medicine Brother Zachariah had given him. Cordelia couldn’t recall the moment their mouths opened, maybe they had always been opened. 

James walked them backwards until Cordelia’s back hit the bookcase making her gasp. She could feel James smiling against her mouth. She had dropped the book when they hit the bookcase and her newly freed hands found their way to his hair. She pulled slightly which made him groan making her smile in return. 

“ _ Daisy, _ ” He whispered against her lips. Her heart lept. She moved her head backwards so she could see him clearly. They were both breathing hard, cheeks flushed, lips swollen. It made her blush even more. 

“I didn't realize you remembered that old nickname.”

“ What,  _ Daisy _ ?” He was holding her close still. Both of his arms around her waist. “ Of course I remember it. I gave it to you. I hope you don't intend me to stop using it.” He smiled a smile that at the moment, would have given Matthew’s a run for his money. 

“Of course not. I’ve always liked it. Though I don't think it suits me.” She paused searching for words that were buried underneath the memories of the kiss that had just transpired. “Daisy sounds like a pretty little girl in hair ribbons.” He leaned down to kiss her again. Their lips moved in perfect harmony together.

Cordelia had kissed boys in Paris but it was always meaningless and fleeting. When she kissed James it was like a spark igniting her soul. Like he awakened some part of her that had been buried.

He began murmuring against her lips again which made the hairs on her body stand up."Well," he said. "You are at least -" 

They heard voices outside the door and James backed away from her, a rush of cold hit her body shocking her. He leaned against the door listening to the other side. Cordelia picked up the book James had given her and walked to him putting her head against the door hearing voices becoming quieter. 

“We should get you back to the Infirmary.” She whispered. There was a part of her that wanted James to decline and stay with her but he nodded and opened the door slowly poking his head out. He turned back to her and motioned to her that the hallway was empty. 

When they got to the Infirmary the room was no longer empty. Lucie sat on the James’ bed.

“There you two are! Where did you go? You aren’t even supposed to be awake.” Lucie said exasperated. 

“It’s my fault I didn’t want to be cooped in this room any longer and Cordelia stayed by me to make sure I didn’t feel ill.” He looked at Cordelia and smiled but it wasn’t like the one he had in the library. It was more orchestrated, contrived. She could see that now. She forced a smile and walked over to Lucie grabbing the book she had left on the chair. 

“So you are feeling better?” She asked skeptically. 

“Completely. Only a bit tired.” James got back to his bed and laid down closing his eyes to show Lucie that he wasn’t lying.

“Alright you lie down James, now that we know you aren’t going to stop breathing we don’t have to sit at your bedside all day.” James opened his eyes at that and mumbled something that resembled  _ Rude. _

Cordelia followed Lucie out of the room without looking back at James. She didn't know exactly why she was upset with James or if she even was upset or should be. He didn’t do anything wrong.  _ Not really.  _ It was more what he  _ didn’t _ do. She was being ridiculous and she knew it.  _ He’s in love with someone else.  _ The voice in her mind kept reminding her. She didn’t know what she was going to do when she had to see him again. Especially without the buffer which was Matthew. 

They got to their rooms and Cordelia faked a yawn. 

“I’m going to lie down. Today was a long day.”

“Oh, alright I’ll see you in the morning.” Lucie looked at her parabatai for a moment and Cordelia could have sworn that Lucie knew exactly what had happened in the library. But she only nodded and smiled. Cordelia smiled back and walked into her room. When she shut the door she slid down it and put her face into her hands. She didn’t cry, but she sat there for a while. Her brain was still buzzing from the library and she knew she wouldn’t sleep for a while. She didn’t know what came over herself. How could have James kissed her like that if he was in love with someone else? A nagging voice in her head reminded her that  _ she  _ kissed James, which only made Cordelia feel worse. 


	17. Of the Same Steel and Temper

#  Chapter Seventeen: Of the Same Steel and Temper

Cordelia woke up on the floor as the sun began to peak through the window. She reckoned it was finally an acceptable time to leave her bedroom.

She changed out of the clothes she was wearing yesterday, she had fallen asleep before she had the thought of dressing in her nightgown, and into gear. She picked the flowers out of her tangled mess of hair, not so gently, and threw them in the wastebasket in the corner of the room. Without brushing it, she tied it out of her face and grabbed Cortana before she left for the training room. 

Cordelia knew that the training room would be unoccupied so early in the morning which is why is she decided to spend her morning there. Perhaps she could sneak into the kitchen later so she wouldn’t have to attend breakfast with everyone. 

She threw daggers, fired bows, practiced with sabers, sharpened Cortana (although it surprisingly never truly needed it), and did everything in her power to not think of the previous night. Of _James_. She had more pressing issues to attend to. Like finding out the truth behind her parent’s death. Thinking about those two words sent her mind reeling back to the present. _Parent’s death._ _Madaram morte. Pedaram morte._

She whacked the mannequin she was practicing attack strategies with hard. So hard it flew off the stand that was holding it up.

“Your emotions are preventing you from controlling your strikes.” 

Cordelia's back was towards the person talking but she would always know her parabatai’s voice. Cordelia didn’t move to face Lucie, though. She was out of breath and sweating and she knew that Lucie was trying to talk sense into her but she didn’t want that. All she wanted to do was throw a dozen more daggers and arrows into the mannequin and then slice it up into tiny pieces. 

Lucie was right, her emotions were making her out of control. Her mother used to tell her how important control was and how even more important it was to give up control. She pushed down the urge to attack the already very deceased looking mannequin. 

“I’m training.” Cordelia said in not the friendliest tone. She knew Lucie didn’t deserve it, it didn’t make Cordelia feel any better either. 

“I can see that. You are going to miss breakfast if you don’t get dressed.” Cordelia was surprised, she looked up at the windows near the top of the training room. The clouds were in full force but it was much brighter now than it had been when she came into the training room.

She was contemplating on her earlier thought about missing breakfast but her stomach betrayed her when it began to make sounds. Cordelia nodded and walked out of the room with Lucie following her. 

“You don’t have to accompany me.” Cordelia wasn’t looking at Lucie but she could tell she rolled her eyes at the statement.

“I’m making sure you don’t turn into Alastair and begin to snub the dining hall.”

“How rude of you to accuse me of turning into my brother.” Her parabatai’s energy began to dissolve Cordelia’s anger. Some of the playfulness had returned to her voice involuntarily because of Lucie’s presence. 

Lucie laid down on Cordelia’s bed as she got ready for breakfast,

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Cordelia sighed. 

“I just need to figure out what happened to my parents.” Lucie looked at Cordelia with a sorry expression.

“I’m sorry Cordy, the other day was overwhelming and there wasn’t much time to talk about what happened in Cornwall. I don’t know why I thought it could be something else.” Cordelia finished dressing and she braced herself as they walked into the dining hall. 

 

It had been twenty minutes before Cordelia met James’ eyes. He had been hunched over a book for the majority of it which is why she lasted so long. 

She had ignored him when she and Lucie walked into the room and she had ignored him when he tried to meet her eye when she was sipping her tea. It wasn’t until he began to read his book when she thought it was safe for her to look at him. His hair was a mess of unruly black curls. She tried not to remember how soft they had been. As his eyes followed the words on the pages, her eyes ran over the lines of his face. He looked better than he had the day before but the bags under his eyes told her he was still recovering. She couldn’t pull her eyes away from James’ face. He truly was beautiful, especially when he was reading. He looked vulnerable and unmasked. No longer brooding or self deprecating. He looked so much younger than seventeen there. Like she was seeing him as he was when they met as kids. 

He looked up suddenly and when he met her eyes he smiled. It took her a second too long to realize that she had previously been trying to ignore him. Luckily, they were both distracted by someone entering the dining hall. 

“Cordelia could we have a word please?” Alastair said in a polite yet exceedingly condescending way to remind her that  _ he  _ was older and that  _ he  _ had more authority over her. But, she was thankful for her brother’s interruption so she met him in the hall outside. His suit was neat and polished which was strikingly contrast to how the last few times she saw him. She was busy noticing the change that she almost didn’t hear what he said.

“What do you mean you are leaving?” Cordelia asked raising her voice. He looked inconvenienced at her tone.

“I have some business to asses and take care of. You didn’t want me here in the first place, I thought you would have been relieved.” There was venom in his voice. She could tell that he was in a rush to leave which made her want to drag the conversation out further.

“ _ Business to  _ asses? Is this a joke, some trick? You can’t just leave Alastair you’re-”

“I’m what, Cordelia? You are seventeen, turning eighteen soon, and you have made it abundantly clear during those years that you don’t need anyone,  _ especially _ me, to tell you what to do.” 

He was having trouble keeping his composure. No one could get under his skin and ruin his cool, sleek demeanor like she could. He walked further down the hall when the dining hall doors opened. Cordelia turned toward them and saw Will followed by the rest of the Herondales at the table looking at her concerned. She turned back to Alastair and shouted after him. 

“You are being completely selfish, you are my brother! The only family I have left, and you are just going to leave? With barely a word?” He turned around abruptly, his face was red which made his dyed hair look even paler. 

“We barely speak words to each other now. I’m only giving you these because I  _ am  _ your brother _.”  _ His voice was hard but she knew the words  _ only family left _ had curled themselves around the demeanor of his. 

Cordelia was frustrated as well and her eyes were stinging with anger. “ _ Khāk to saret.”  _

She turned to walk away from him before he caught her arm. The last time he had done this was when their home was burning to the ground in front of them. She faced him and his face was no longer angry but saddened. 

“I’m sorry.” 

She blinked and shook her head in surprise. Alastair never apologised to Cordelia. They didn’t have to because they were siblings.  _ Hamshīr _ . They always got angry or annoyed with one another but they knew no matter what they said they were still family. Except they weren’t quite a family anymore. Not lately.

“ _ Bezār dare kuze ābesho bokhor. _ ”

His sorry meant nothing to her while they were like this. She didn’t even know what he had been doing for the weeks they had been in London. She didn’t know her own brother anymore. His black eyes which were perfect mirrors of her own looked defeated. He rarely spoke Farsi but he knew what she meant. That she couldn’t forgive him without action from him. 

He walked to the training room and when he came out he was holding Cortana. Her breath hitched in her chest. If he was leaving, Cortana was too. After her parents, after James, after this fight with Alastair she couldn’t bear thinking of being without it. But it was rightfully Alastair’s she knew it would always truly be his. 

He stood in front of her looking between her and the sword. He weighed it in his hand and then passed it to her. Cordelia shook her head. Even though the sword was one of the only things in her life that felt right, owning it when she was not the rightful owner felt like disrespecting the sword itself, or disrespecting her ancestors that held it before her. 

“This sword has never worked for me like it does for you. No matter how hard I try, you are more deserving of it than I am. It has chosen  _ you, _ Cordelia. Mother and father saw that it did and I do as well. Anyone who sees you weild it could tell this is yours.” He pressed Cortana into her hands. She shook her head again. 

“If I take this, I go against our ancestors and the blade itself.” She stroked the sword longingly before attempting to give it back. 

“Then take care of it for me, I will be back. I promise you,  _ khwāhar.”  _

_ Sister. _

“It will do a better job at protecting you than I ever did.” His eyes looked sad and tired. His mask that he cared for so well was falling off. Cordelia breathed deeply. 

“Mother and father were murdered.” She said quietly. Cordelia wasn’t sure why she said it to him but she didn’t know when she’d see him again. Alastair paused for a moment before nodding. 

“They wouldn’t want you to spend your days chasing ghosts and shadows.” He looked past Cordelia when he said this. He squeezed her hand before leaving her in the hallway clutching Cortana in her arms. 

The words carved into the blade  _ of the same steel and temper as Joyeuse and Durendal  _ gleamed under the witchlight chandelier above them. 

_ Of the same steel and temper _ . 

Just like Alastair and her were of the same steel and temper as their parents.  _ Hamshīr. Siblings.  _ _ Khânevâde. Family.  _

 

_ * _ _ Khāk to saret- an insult meaning explicitly “ _ _ May you be buried” _

_ * _ _ Bezār dare kuze ābesho bokhor- Your "sorry" doesn't mean anything to them _


	18. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an idiot who had this chapter saved as a draft instead of actually posting it so sorry for that guys! enjoy chapter 18!

# Chapter Eighteen: The Letter

A knock on the door of the library woke Cordelia out of her thoughts. Her and Lucie had been looking through the giant books of Clave records for anything that could link the Landscarths and her parents somehow before Lucie had left for the kitchen to find them lunch. James stepped from behind the door and walked to the table where Cordelia was.

“I come bearing gifts.” He said with a crooked smile. From behind his back he pulled out more giant books and set them on the table before taking a seat across from her.

“Thank you.” She said quietly returning to the book in front of her which was describing old claims of petty crimes committed by downworlders. James continued to look at her. She could feel his gaze on her and it was suffocating and intoxicating simultaneously.

“Daisy,” James started. He cautiously and gently slid the book Cordelia was reading away from her. “Are you angry with me?” His eyes were full of worry and pleaded her to speak. When she did not answer he spoke again with sadness. “I’m aware that I was quite forward a few nights ago but I thought-” Cordelia closed her eyes and moved her head to the side so that she was not tempted to look at him.

“I am _not_ a consolation prize.” Her voice was hard, she wouldn’t dare let it crack or waver. Neither would she let the tears building in her eyes escape. He reached for her hand but she moved out of his reach. She couldn’t risk him touching her and loosing her nerve.

“I know you are not. You could _never_ be a consolation prize, Daisy.” His voice sounded as if he was wounded. It took alot in her not to look at him to make sure he didn’t have an arrow sticking out of him. “Why would you think that?”

“You are already in love with someone else. I’m am no one’s secret. I am no one’s _second choice_.” He sounded as if he was about to speak before the door to the library was flung open. Lucie came into the room carrying plates with sandwiches and tea, extinguishing the conversation between James and Cordelia.

“Oh good, Jamie, you can help us look through old files.” She eyed the two slightly before sitting next to Cordelia. He only nodded and picked up the nearest book.

“Do you think a hundred years from now, people will be reading these dusty files and books from _our_ life and think ‘ _how dull_.” Lucie said leaning back in her chair, stretching. They had all been reading for hours and still, nothing.

“How merose.” James lifted his reading glasses and rubbed at his eyes tiredly.

“No, they’ll think ‘how _quaint_ it would be to live _back then’_ ”. Cordelia commented. “I need a break, I’ll be back.” She excused herself and walked out of the library towards the stairs and up to her room. As she closed the door she inhaled a deep breath. The Library usually was a place where Cordelia could breathe again but now, especially with James sitting across from her, it was only a reminder of how foolish she was. Falling in love and kissing a boy who was already in love with someone else. _How cliche._ Cordelia was not a cliche. She wouldn’t let herself _become_ a cliche.

She paced through her room slowly and stopped at the trunk at the base of her bed. It still had scorch marks and smelled like fire. She knelt down in front of it and opened it. Inside were the dresses that Cordelia didn’t wear often, mostly ceremonial gowns. She took them all out and laid them on the floor in front of her. Extra gear, the gown she wore at her parabatai ceremony, a white gown that was for mourning. She touched the fabric of the white gown, it was a soft satin with runes embroidered into it. She would have worn it to her parent’s funeral if they had been able to have one. You can’t ceremoniously burn a body on a pyre if it was already burned.

As she unfolded it and brought the gown to her chest when a piece of parchment fell out of it. She unfolded the paper and on it was her mother’s script writing.

 

_Cordelia,_

_My only daughter. I wish I could have told you this myself, but if you are reading this, it means that your father and I are dead. My life hasn’t always been how it is now. I wasn’t either. I was naive and scared when I was younger. I did things I am not proud of but I did them because I had no other choice. There are still people who want me to pay for my past. People who will hurt you and your brother if they have the chance. Stay with your brother, Cordelia, and don’t go looking for the ones who killed us. The Blackthorns keep grudges the size of Idris. You have always reminded me of myself, perhaps that is why I pushed you harder than your brother. But you are_ not _me. You are_ not _Cortana, even though you are_ _hâzer javâb,_ _you are_ not _a weapon to be wielded. You have a loyal heart. Just like your father. That is your biggest strength. Don’t hide it away._

_Kuh be kuh nemi-rasad; âdam be âdam mi-rasad._

 

For the first time since the night of her parent’s death. Cordelia allowed herself to cry.

 

“What does _hâzer javâb_ mean?” Lucie asked as her and James read the letter.

“It means to be ready with an answer like ammunition.” Cordelia kept reading and  rereading the letter in her mind.

“And _Kuh be kuh nemi-rasad; âdam be âdam mi-rasad?”_ James asked tentatively.

“It’s a Persian proverb.”

“The literal translation is a mountain never meets a mountain, but a man meets a man.” Lucie said. Cordelia’s heart warmed knowing her parabatai had spent years learning Persian for her.

“It’s supposed to mean there are some events that are impossible, like an encounter of mountains, but there is always a chance for people to meet, or as my mother used to say, one can always find a possibility for revenge.” Cordelia took a breath. “She would say that to me when Alastair would do something that would make me want to do something bad to him to prevent me from doing it.” Lucie took Cordelia’s hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

“So do we stop looking?” James asked. Cordelia looked up at him. She knew they should stop their investigation, that it was her mother’s last wish. She had hidden a letter for her telling her not to look for the people who killed them.

“My parents knew that someone was coming for them, it’s why they sent Alastair and I away. But in the letter she said that they would come for Alastair and I if given the chance. I have to find them before they find Alastair or I. I can’t live my life in _fear_.” She paused making sure that this is what was right. “We continue looking for who murdered my parents.”

“Then we’ll help you.” Lucie said without hesitation. James nodded in agreement.

“So we investigate the Blackthorns. It’s the only clue that was in the letter and as of now, the only suspects.” Lucie nodded and began rummaging through files. James looked strangely uncomfortable but continued looking in the book he had been reading before saying,

“Let’s tell Mum and Dad.”

“This is a very serious assumption, investigating the Blackthorns. They are a part of the Clave. Just because a family holds a grudge does _not_ mean they would kill a fellow shadowhunter.” Tessa was looking between the three of them very concernedly while holding the letter in her hands. Will paced behind her, running his hands through his hair. “If it was true, the majority of shadowhunter families would be murders.”

“Who did Robert Blackthorn call you again?” Will asked, still pacing the length of the drawing room.

“He thought I was someone named Sona Verlac.” Cordelia answered with a heavy heart. She didn’t like the comparison of her and a woman who had supposedly killed her husband and played with another mans heart at the same time. Will walked out of the room suddenly leaving the room quiet and listening to his footsteps down the corridor.

“Would your mother normally end a letter with no signature?” Tessa was bent over rereading the letter. Cordelia searched her memories for an answer.

“I suppose that it _is_ unusual for her not to write one.”

“Perhaps she didn’t want someone other than Cordy to know the letter was written by her?” Lucie suggested however James came with a rebuttal.

“Then why mention Cordelia as her daughter, that bit gives it away.” They sat in silence with Tessa still reading the letter when Will returned with files the three of them hadn’t looked through. He combed through pages of it without saying a word.

“We aren’t saying the Blackthorn’s killed Cordelia’s parent’s or the Landscarths, we just mean that the Blackthorn’s are our only lead and we need to follow that lead to see where it goes. Once we know for sure they had no part in it, we will move on to the next.” James said matter of factly. Tessa looked to her husband who had looked up at his son’s voice. They then shared a look that was hard to decipher what it meant.

“Alright, we will _cautiously_ look into the Blackthorns.” Will finally said and that was that.


	19. Two Views

# Chapter Nineteen: Two Views

_Idris, 1898_

_James had been reading in his favorite hiding spot in Herondale manor all evening which was in the very top crawlspace of the attic. The room was only tall enough for a child to stand which is why it was perfect for James. He knew his parents wouldn’t bother him and Lucie wouldn’t be able to reach the ladder that led to it._

_There was a window that looked out to a field between Herondale manor and the next. He could see that the manor across the field was completely dark except for a lone light in one of the windows. He came to this hiding spot frequent enough to know that the manor was always dark except for the lone light._

_For some reason, that lone light spoke to him. He thought of himself like that old, dark manor. Different, unknowable. It was not his fault he had no friends apart from his family. There were no shadowhunter children for miles in London and they hardly came to Idris long enough for James to work up the courage to let go of his books and talk to one of them. That light that shone bright against the dark manor mirrored James longing for a friend, for someone who would choose him over anyone else. Someone James could laugh with, confide in, share secrets with. It was not a hopeless dream. But sometimes it felt like it._

_Something in James stirred and he forced open the window. When he finally managed it open he felt the cold breeze hit him and numb his fingers. He climbed out of it and down the trellis of vines that climbed the walls of the manor._

_He began to cross the meadow to the dark manor adjacent to his and he let the breeze take away his fear and anxiety. It felt almost like James was in a dream, sleepwalking through the lush grass and wildflowers and following the beckoning call of the light in the window._

_He drew near the manor and noticed how unkempt it was. It felt wild just like James felt on this night. The wind blowing his hair and jacket in different directions._

_He heard a large crash come from the manor and in surprise he took a step back. A girl rushed out of the house a few moments later and he watched her run to a nearby tree. He stayed where he was for a moment before deciding to walk to her._

_The tree was a beautiful, an old willow tree whose branches encompassed and shielded the girl. He didn’t want to scare her so he said the first thing that came to mind. The first thing you are taught to say to a new friend._

_“Hello?” The girl turned at the sound of his voice. She was breathing hard and she looked as if she was shaking._

_“Who are you? Why are are you here?” She asked in a surprisingly fierce and authoritative tone. James was surprised at this and began to wonder if she was perhaps not a young girl at all. She looked his age but her eyes which were as cold as the night breeze seemed aged and wise._

_“I didn’t mean to scare you. I- I just was walking.” James cringed as he heard the excuse come from his mouth but he continued to face the girl’s ferocious stare, ignoring the rising anxiety bubbling through him threatening to eat him alive._

_“You didn’t_ scare _me!” She looked insulted which was even worse than her ruthless stare._

_“Oh- I’m sorry.” James didn’t know what else to say. Another crash filled the night making both of them jump. The girl shrunk down to sit on the roots of the willow tree and put her hands against her ears. James thought about turning around and returning to his house but he couldn’t bare the thought of leaving this girl alone with whatever was making the sound in the manor. He sat down next to her on the roots and neither of them said anything for what seemed like forever. The longer they sat there the more the girl seemed to relax._

_“I’m James.” The girl looked over her shoulder at him. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. The most beautiful, scary, sad girl he had ever seen. She stared at him long enough for James to feel self conscious and he felt heat rising on his face. He broke her gaze and stared out across the meadow. It was strange seeing the meadow from the opposite view he had grown used to. He saw that his own manor was still lit with light in many rooms. Such an opposite view. One view of complete darkness and another of complete light._

_“I’m Grace.”_

 

_ Every night after that first, James snuck out of a window in Herondale manor to visit Grace at the willow tree.  _

_ Sometimes he would wait for her there. Others she was already there waiting for him.  _

_ He learned that she was the ward of Tatiana Blackthorn. That the only mother she ever knew was Tatiana and Grace loved her very much but she took care of Tatiana more than Tatiana took care of her.  _

_ He learned that Tatiana had lost her husband very shortly after they were married and then lost her son. She was so filled with grief that she rarely left their home. They only travelled between Idris, Chiswick, and Pimlico using portals and Tatiana never left the house.  _

_ He learned that the crashing from within the manor was due to Tatiana’s mood swings. At night she often became enraged of her losses and would destroy different parts of the house.  _

_ “Does she scare you?” James asked her once.  _

_ “No one scares me.” Grace replied detached.  _

_ He learned that Grace was lonelier than he was. He had a loving family who had no mood swings or shown interest in breaking pieces of their home. James  _ had  _ a  _ home _. Grace had a shell of a house in which she clung to in every way possible.  _

_ “Tell me a story.” Grace surprised him one night by saying this. _

_ “I didn’t bring a book.” James went everywhere with a book but he never came to willow tree with any. His full attention was always on Grace.  _

_ “You don’t need a book to tell a story.” She laughed. Her laugh rang out into the night like music.  _

_ So James began telling her the story of Dicken’s  _ Great Expectations.  _ He described to her the story of a young boy living in poverty with his sister and her husband. How terrible the sister was to both of them. About the criminal chained in the warf threatening the boy to bring him food and a file.  _

_ “Was the boy frightened of the man?” Grace asked in wonder.  _

_ “Terrified.” James replied.  _

_ He continued the story by telling her how when the boy returned the next day he saw a second criminal and how both criminals were recaptured.  _

_ James noticed Grace’s slowing breath and her tired eyes and decided to stop the story for the night.  _

_ It continued like this for a while before the Herondales decided it was time to return to London. On their last night James snuck out to the willow tree to find Grace waiting for him. James didn’t want to leave Grace alone in that house with Tatiana. But what could he do? Grace had made it explicitly clear that their meetings were in secret. That if Tatiana knew about them it would be bad. James didn’t know what would happen but he didn’t want to find out.  _

_ He continued their story. Of the boy’s uncle arranging for him to play with an eccentric, reclusive woman’s beautiful daughter. How terrible the woman and her daughter treated him but how the boy continued to come to their nightmarish looking house.  _

_ “Why does he continue to play with the girl if she is so terrible to him.” Grace asked.  _

_ “I suppose because he fancies her.” He replied. James couldn’t help but remember the fierce way Grace had questioned and stared at him that first night and how he continued to stay with her.  _

_ He described how when the girl’s rude relatives visited them the boy punched one them earning a kiss from the girl. How from that moment on the boy tried to become someone the girl and her mother would be proud of.  _

_ “She doesn’t deserve him.” Grace was looking out into the meadow and spoke so quietly James almost hadn’t heard.  _

_ “Her mother raised her to cold and heartless towards men. It’s not her fault that’s all she knew to be.” Grace didn’t argue but James could tell she didn’t agree.  _

_ “How does it end, James?” He told her that the boy received a large sum of money from a mysterious benefactor and became a gentlemen. He finally became someone worthy of the girl. James decided to tweak the story and have the ending be that the girl and the boy fall in love and end up happily together. Grace seemed comforted that it ended well.  _

_ “Tonight is my last night in Idris, we are returning to London in the morning.” Grace nodded and leaned her head on James’ shoulder. They continued looking out at the meadow until the sun began to rise.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys I'm glad all of you are enjoying this story! I never imagined i'd get so many lovely comments!!  
> I may not be uploading for a week or two because I want to write more rough drafts of chapters before I post the ones I've already written, 1.) because when I become dead with writers block I don't want you guys to suffer and not have another chapter for the angel knows how long and 2.) in case i need to change anything in previous chapters to make the new ones I'm writing make sense. It's the curse of writing fanfiction.  
> I may post another chapter in a week but who knows, we'll see lol.


	20. Normalcy

#  Chapter Twenty: Normalcy

It had been two weeks since Cordelia found the letter from her mother and yet everyday she still read and reread it over again. 

Brother Zachariah, Will, and Tessa investigated Robert Blackthorn and found that he most likely had nothing to do with the two fires. Which left them only with the items they found at the site of the second fire; the candle wax cloth and chains. Brother Zachariah had taken them to the Silent City to see what he could do with them. 

It was late and the witchlight on her desk in her bedroom was hurting Cordelia’s straining eyes. She felt like she was being suffocated. In a rush, Cordelia put on a blue and white walking dress and grabbed a small piece of paper from the drawer of her bedside table. She also grabbed a pair of shoes before retreating down the stairs of the Institute as quietly as she could. 

 

The streets were iced due to the start of December. Cordelia took her stele and drew runes of invisibility and warmth on the inside of her forearm where it would be concealed by the sleeve of her dress. 

The two weeks before were filled with waiting. Waiting for Brother Zachariah to find out more from the chains and wax, waiting for Tessa and Will to return from investigating Robert Blackthorn, waiting, in vain, for Alastair to send her some message that he was alright. Waiting for James’ eyes to meet Cordelia’s and then wishing that they never had. She scolded herself for bringing James’ face into her mind. 

She walked till she reached the address scrawled on the piece of scrap parchment. Cordelia stood out front a brick walk up that was very much like the one her and Anna had visited weeks ago. Standing outside of it she made herself visible and realised how silly she had been. Walking here in the middle of the night in snow to a place she had never been to to see a man she had talked to once. She felt the handle of Cortana hidden in her skirt and relaxed a bit. 

She walked to the door that led to the walk up expecting to find a door man or the door locked but she found neither and walked in. She was greeted by warmth and light from the gas lamps and climbed the stairs till she reached the door of the apartment she was looking for. She knocked and stood outside for a while till giving up. He was either not home or asleep. Cordelia took a deep breath and decide to keep climbing the stairs until she found herself at a lone door. She pushed it open and was led to the roof. Cautiously she looked around and made her way to the edge. 

The view was beautiful. London was normally grey and soiled but tonight due to the snow it was white and pure. 

“I was wondering when I would see you again.” Cordelia whirled herself around and saw herself face to face with bright blue eyes. 

“I should have written to you before I came. I apologise for the intrusion.” Cordelia turned back to the view of the city and Dominic only laughed in response. 

“You are welcome on my rooftop anytime Miss Carstairs.” Cordelia smiled to herself. 

“You are too kind Mr. Blaunch.” They stood in silence for a while just looking out into the city before them. She was warm due to her rune but she felt heat radiating off from Dominic. It grounded her to this moment instead of her retreating into her mind. 

“You are quite a mystery, you know. You appear and disappear out of nowhere.” Cordelia looked over at Dominic and he was already looking at her. His sandy brown hair had snowflakes in it and it took quite a lot in Cordelia not to brush them out. 

“I like the thought of being mysterious.” She looked back out at the city. “A stranger in the night.” Dominic stepped closer to her. The heat of him was encompassing her like a blanket. 

“Are you a vampire? I only see you in the night.” Cordelia laughed at this surprised. She feigned offense. 

“Do I look like a vampire?” 

“Perhaps your hair is so richly colored due to the blood of your victims.” He stretched out his hand and caught a piece that had been disturbed by the wind. 

“Perhaps it’s from the blood of the men who I meet in the night.” He feigned a gasp and they both laughed. 

“Poor bastards never see it coming do they?” He continued playing with the strand of her hair. 

“Not until it’s too late.” They were silent for a while again. Dominic let go of the strand of her hair and turned back to the city. 

“What is troubling you Cordelia? I can see it in your eyes.” 

“Perhaps those are just my eyes.” Cordelia shot back sarcastically. Not ready to be serious. But Dominic just raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Now you look like Anna.” Cordelia rolled her eyes but let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “I have a very complicated life and I feel as if I am suffocating in it.” Dominic nodded. 

“Have you ever thought about leaving it?” The question surprise her.

“Never.” 

“Well then maybe you just need some normalcy to it to let yourself breathe once in a while. I’m guessing that is why you came  _ here _ .” He gestured to expanse of the rooftop. “Normalcy central.” Cordelia laughed. Had she laughed this much the entire time she’d came to London? 

“There’s also a boy.” Cordelia added looking out the side of her eye at him to catch his reaction. He nodded. 

“There’s always a boy isn’t there.” His voice sounded melancholy. “Tell me about him.” He swung himself up on the ledge of the rooftop to sit. Cordelia hesitated not know what to say.

“I- I’ve know him since I was young. He’s my-” she paused looking for the best word, “best friend’s brother. He is smart and he’s thoughtful. He makes me feel as if my heart may explode from being in the same room as him. And when he is not near my heart aches. He makes me think as if perhaps my complicated life may not be so bad if I could be with him.” She shook her head. “ When we look to each other our eyes are ablaze in nothing but each other.  And he’s in love with someone else.” She said the last sentence quieter than the rest. Dominic was staring at her, his head cocked to one side. 

“You do not strike me as someone who would fall in love with someone who was not worthy of your love.” Cordelia shrugged and turned her back to the city so she was leaning against the ledge. 

“I just feel so foolish about it. We kissed and I feel as if I am ‘the other woman’. Like he put me in this position where I will never be his first choice.” She heard her voice crack and she felt miserable standing here on this rooftop saying the words that have been circling her brain out loud.

Dominic jumped down from the ledge and stood in front of Cordelia. 

“ _ You _ ,” He reached out and stroked the side of Cordelia’s face, “Could  _ never  _ be ‘the other woman’. If I had the opportunity to choose you, I would.” He bent down and kissed her. 

His lips were soft and comforting but there were no sparks, there was no fire, there was no feeling of Cordelia wanting to burn in the passion that was their love. But it was sweet and it was nice and she could breathe. They broke apart and he held her in his arms while they looked out into the white city. 

She wondered if she would ever kiss someone again and not compare everything about it to James. A single tear begged to be freed but Cordelia blinked it away. 


	21. Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snippets used belong to Cassandra Clare and are only used in appreciation.

#  Chapter Twenty One: Christmas Eve

It was Christmas Eve. James was waiting on the Institute steps for Matthew and his family to arrive. Shadowhunters had already begun arriving and were passing James in their fancy dresses and tail coats. Their delicate fabrics contrasted with the runes carved into their skin. The steps were coated with ice and snow so James had to shovel out a seat using his shoes. Sitting with a book resting on his lap, James was half reading half listening for carriages and Matthew’s voice. This was always how James waited for his parabatai. Waiting on the steps for sometimes hours till he would arrive. James could feel the tug in his chest becoming looser with every minute. It made him anxious but when he saw his carriage the anxiousness slipped away. 

He saw Matthew’s blond head first and then his finest smile. 

“Jamie you will never believe what we just saw.” And it was as if Matthew never left. Matthew went on about the mundanes they saw on their way to the Institute. The way his eyes lit up when he told the story made James’ heart ache with missing him. With Cordelia barely speaking to him and Lucie constantly with her, James felt very alone without Matthew. 

“You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” Matthew noticed the dark circles under his eyes. James shrugged and got up from the steps. “Don’t tell me those are only from staying up too late reading, or actually, yes tell me that so that I don’t become jealous of the adventures you three have been having without me.” James laughed and clapped Matthew on the shoulder. 

“There have definitely been no adventures without you.” James replied. Matthew stared hard at him, squinting an eye in suspicion before turning away and smiling. They entered the Institute and were greeted with warmness and the sound of stringed instruments orchestrating a dance. 

They walked into the great hall where  James could see his mother moving like an anxious pale star among the guests in her lilac dress, greeting each of them warmly, welcoming them to her home. She had not glamoured herself to look her husband's age for the evening, and she appeared enormously young, though her hair was done up like a gracious older woman's, not a girl's. When Will materialized out of the crowd and came to put his arm around Tessa, smiling down at her, the gray at his temples flashed like silver. James looked away; he loved his parents for being extraordinary, but sometimes he also hated them for the same thing. With all the heartache he has endured, it was hard to see people so in love, especially his parents.

As he turned around he saw two girls descending the staircase but he was only looking at one of them. Her long, dark red hair draped over her like vines hanging from a willow tree. Her dress was a mix of dark blue satin and light blue chiffon. It clung to her body in ways that James wished he could. He tried to pull his eyes away from her but they wouldn’t leave the sight of her. It was like his body had a mind of its own. His brain was telling him to look away, to talk to Matthew, to do anything but look at Cordelia but his body wasn’t listening. 

She looked up and their eyes met. Her eyes were like voids of another universe where one could lose themselves in if not careful. She did not look away for several moments until Lucie spoke to her. 

“They are beautiful aren’t they.” Matthew said and James knew he was caught when he looked into Matthew’s eyes. 

“Matthew!” Both of the girls rushed to him and tackled him into hugs.

“If either of you mess with my hair, I will not rest until the savagery is paid for.” He tried to look sternly at Cordelia and Lucie until a smile finally broke free onto his face. “I believe our friends are here.” He offered Lucie his arm and shot James a glance before entering the ballroom. 

James risked a look at Cordelia, she seemed nervous at the idea of entering the ballroom for some reason. So with the risk of getting reprimanded, he asked her. 

“Why are you nervous? You look beautiful.” Her fasade slipped ever so slightly at his words. 

“I know that when I step into that room I am going to be only known as the Carstairs girl whose parents were killed by an accident.” James nodded. He knew that was probably true. They’d look at her with pitting glances and make small talk filled with sympathy for her. She’d hate every second of it. Because of his previous unreprimanded question, he did another foolish thing. He offered his arm to her. She looked at him warily before looking to the doors leading to the ballroom. 

“Do you promise not to leave me alone with any of them.” James let out a surprised laugh and nodded. She slipped her arm through his and let him lead her to the ballroom.

They entered and of course, all eyes were on Cordelia. She was stunning, her tanned skin, dark eyes, long red hair. Of course that was not the only reason they were staring. Her arm fastened tighter to James and James rested his free hand on top of hers. She let out a breath before relaxing. 

“Cordelia Carstairs.” They turned towards the voice and saw Anna Lightwood leaning against a pilar. She was wearing a man’s suit with her brown hair slicked back. 

“Anna!” Cordelia slipped out of Jame’s arm and hugged her. Anna laughed before petting Cordelia’s hair affectionately. 

“Hello James,” Anna spoke after Cordelia released her. “I didn’t get to see you at the picnic. Were you hiding from me?” James rolled his eyes but smiled. 

“Hide? From you? I believe you must be mistaking me for someone else. Why would I ever hide from you Anna Lightwood.” Anna shrugged.

“Because I’d tell you that you need a haircut.” James shook his head while looking out to the sea of people around them. He saw his father coming towards them. James looked to Cordelia, she was talking animatedly with Anna about something so James decided that it was safe to leave her for a moment. 

When Will got to his son they stood next to each other looking at the shadowhunters dancing. It was quite a sight. People who have trained their entire lives to killing; dancing, drinking, and socializing was a strange thing to see them do. 

“Matthew told me what happened at the park last month," Will muttered in a voice no one but James could hear. Even across the room he knew Matthew was looking at James. James shot a betrayed look at Matthew but he only shrugged and gave him a half-smile. Matthew could be relied on to tattle on James if he thought it was for his own good. 

“Thank the Angel for Matthew and Thomas and Christopher.” He touched James' face.” I regret ever having said that your generation was wasting its time with parties and boating and dancing. All I wish for you is to be able to amuse yourself in a pointless fashion during peace and never,  _ ever  _ be in danger.” 

“I wasn’t in danger, they were just foolish boys.” James said annoyed to be having to have this conversation during such a public event. 

“ _ Boys  _ can be just as dangerous as demons.” Will’s tone was even and low but James could hear the worry in it. 

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Don’t tell mum.” James looked to Will with pleading eyes. Neither of them ever told Tessa about how people treated James because of his eyes. She’d only blame herself. 

“I won’t. It wouldn’t do any good. Those boys would probably wish they’d never been born if your mother went at them.” Will and James laughed over the imaginary sight. 

“You two look nice together.” Will said after a beat. He was now looking at Cordelia laughing with Anna. “She’s quite a girl.” James nodded in agreement.

“I believe that I made quite a mess with her.” 

“You have a good heart, Jamie. Show her that. Your mother saw it in me when I never even saw it in myself. I thought there was no way that I could ever make it right with her. But I did, thank the angel.” Will put his hand on James shoulder before returning to Tessa and kissing her on display for the whole room of nephilim to see. 

 

Cordelia was stood against the pilar alone when James came back to her. Anna had gone to talk to a pretty blonde woman and left Cordelia alone with her thoughts. 

“You lied to me.” Cordelia said without looking at James. She was pretending to to scan the room of party guests. 

“Excuse me?” He asked with amusement in his voice. He leaned next to her on the pilar trying to follow her gaze. 

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me alone. You’re lucky I wasn’t mauled by gossiping nephilim.” James let out a laugh,the sound betrayingly made Cordelia’s heart flutter. She had been doing so well at ignoring James. But tonight, she had bigger anxieties than keeping face. 

“What can I do to make it up to you?” She looked at James. He was closer than she thought he had been. She was close enough to see the light spread of faint freckles that lived under his eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes could do murderous things to her. They looked happy for the first time in weeks. They looked like they had the night they kissed in the library. Cordelia looked away. 

“I suppose I’ll have to think about it.” James got off from the pillar and moved in front of her so that he was facing her. He bowed while offering his hand.

"Miss Carstairs," he said, with a slight bow in Cordelia’s direction. "Would you favor me with this dance while you think about it?” He looked up at her through his dark lashes. Cordelia couldn’t help it when she felt herself nod. 

The music echoing through the room was a waltz. Cordelia bit her lip. She certainly knew how to dance: her mother had engaged an expert instructor to teach her the quadrille and the lancer, the stately minuet and the cotillion. But the waltz was a seductive dance, one where you could feel your partner's body against yours, scandalous when it had first become popular. If she let herself admit it, she knew she very much wanted to waltz with James.

He led her to to the center of the ballroom. Where women were curtsying and men bowing to greet their partners. James let go of her hand and bowed. He raised an eyebrow and had a playful smile playing on his lips. 

Cordelia mirrored his smile and curtsied. He took her hand and together they spun their way through the ballroom. The dance was dizzying and being so close to James didn’t help. The people around them kept their distance from the two. What a sight they were. A demon eyed boy dancing with an orphan. Cordelia didn’t care though. Her previous worries drifted away as James held her close. 

When James looked at her, everything drifted away. The other nephilim, the investigation, it all vanished in the air with the music. His eyes were brighter than she had seen them in weeks and she felt her heart flutter over being the reason for it. 

“ _ Daisy _ , I want you to know I-” He broke off. She heard the click as he swallowed: he was looking past her, at someone who had just come into the room.

Cordelia followed his glance, and saw a tall woman, thin as a scarecrow and dressed in the black of mourning, with gray-streaked auburn hair done in the style of decades ago piled on her head. Tessa was hurrying toward her, a concerned look on her face. Will was following, and goodness, what did they both look so worried about?

As Tessa reached her, the woman stepped aside, revealing the girl who had been standing behind her. A girl, dressed all in ivory, with a soft waterfall of white-gold curls gathered back from her face. The girl moved forward gracefully to greet Tessa and Will, and as she did so, James dropped Cordelia’s hands.

They were no longer dancing. Cordelia stood, frozen in confusion, as James turned away from her without a word and strode across the room toward the girl. Her heart sank. It sank to the floor and if it could, all the way to the other side of the Earth. 

The girl greeting Will and Tessa was beautiful, more than beautiful,  _ ethereal.  _ James stood by his parent’s side. No one had to say anything to Cordelia, but she knew that  _ she  _ was the girl who had James’ heart. Cordelia spun on her heels and walked to the doors on the opposite side of the room. 

 

Tatiana Blackthorn came through the doors and there beside her was Grace. Lucie remembered Grace as a determinedly poised twelve-year-old but she was quite different, now. Cold and lovely and statuesque. 

But Lucie was staring at the boy who had come in with them. The boy who she had last seen in Brocelind Forest. He was standing a distance behind Tatiana and Grace but Lucie recognised him immediately. He looked  exactly as he had ten years ago. His long straight black hair was hanging over, partially obscuring a piercing green eye. Lucie took the opportunity to study eye not obscured by his hair and was surprised by the depth of it. 

He really did have a most arresting face, Lucie thought. She firmly believed it was all right to stare at people when you were a writer. Writers needed to gather material. That was all there was to it. At least that is what she told herself. 

When Lucie saw her brother appear by their parent’s side she turned her head to find Cordelia. She was standing so still Lucie didn’t think she was even breathing. Then she walked out of the ballroom with no expression on her face. 

She turned to Matthew who had seen the scene as well. His face was a mixture of emotions Lucie couldn’t decode. 

“Go to Delia, I’ll see what in the Angel’s name James is thinking.” Matthew said before adding, “and of course why the family nutcase has left the mad house.” Lucie nodded and stalked after her parabatai. 

The hall was empty making Lucie have to check every room before she finally found Cordelia in the music room. She was staring out the window at the snow falling. 

“Cordy-”

“I’m quite alright Lucie, you needn't have left the party.” Lucie rolled her eyes even though she knew Cordelia could not see. 

“Don’t think that I can not  _ see  _ you, Cordy. Because I do. I have seen the way you look at Jamie. Even if he doesn’t, I do. I even see the way he looks at you. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.  And I can see now, that you are hurting, that you have been for weeks. I’ve been patient. I’ve waited for you to tell me yourself but it seems that that day will never come.” Cordelia turned around and Lucie was startled by the tears that ran down her face silently. Lucie wasted no time in enveloping Cordelia in her arms. 

“I‘m sorry Lucie for not being honest with you.” She paused taking a breath “James and I kissed after his incident in the park when we left the infirmary. But I was a fool then and I am a fool now.” Lucie looked up at Cordelia and brushed the stray tears away. 

“Why do you say that?” 

“Because he is in love, Lucie, and it’s not with me.” Lucie wasn’t sure what to say. She knew the way James looked at Cordelia. If that wasn’t love in his eyes, what was it? 

“Do you love him?” Cordelia didn’t answer but Lucie knew that,  _ yes,  _ she was very much in love. Lucie held Cordelia till the door to the music room opened. Matthew stepped in and Cordelia straightened herself and took back her seat at the window. 

“That’s her, isn’t it Matthew.” Cordelia said. Lucie turned to Matthew is surprise.  

“Who? Grace?” Matthew nodded. It made sense but Lucie couldn’t believe it. Their whole family knew how mad Tatiana was, she shunned everyone, especially her own family because of the death of her father. How did James even find the time to fall in love with her. They hadn’t seen Grace since she was twelve and even then it was a rare sighting to see her out of Blackthorn manor. 

“You have to believe me, Cordelia, that James love for her is not how you think. It’s-” Matthew stopped himself. Lucie could see the way Matthew was struggling. He was always a sealed vault when it came to James. “It is one-sided.” He said slightly under his breath. Cordelia slowly turned toward them. There were no more escaped tears but her eyes were filled with hurt. 

“Do you mean to tell me, Matthew, that she does not love James?” Cordelia asked. There was an edge to her voice. Matthew looked past Cordelia and out the window.

“I think you should talk to James.” was all he said as a reply. 

“To be honest, I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse. Her not loving him.” There was a bitterness to Cordelia’s voice. “Why would you tell me that James and I would be good for one another if you knew he was already in love with someone. Have you no regard for anyone James hurts?” Her eyes pleaded Matthew’s for an explanation and he sighed and sat down in a chair rubbing his eyes. 

“She is  _ cold _ , Cordelia,  _ ruthless _ . That is the only love James knows, the only one he thinks he  _ deserves _ . I wanted you to show him that true, real, loyal love is not like that.” Cordelia faced the window again. 

“Well I’m glad you all had plans about this without me.” Lucie huffed herself into a chair beside Matthew and decided to change the subject. “So why are they here?”

“She came to throw insults at our parents for attempting to trespass on  _ her  _ property.” 

“But they didn’t.” Lucie said confused. “I mean we  _ were  _ looking into the Blackthorns but more specifically the ones residing in Cornwall. Not the mad ones.” 

“Well perhaps we  _ should  _ be looking into them, the mad ones that is. Why would she care if shadowhunters were trespassing if she had nothing to hide.” 

“Matthew, she can barely leave the house, you think that woman is capable of travelling to Cornwall and Paris without being noticed.” Lucie argued tiredly.

“Matthew’s right.” The three of them looked to the door of the music room where James was stood. Cordelia retreated as far from James as she could continued staring out the window. Lucie sighed hating that it was her own brother making Cordelia so miserable. “Tatiana is hiding something and we should move our investigation to the Blackthorn manors.” 

“Are you sure that’s the  _ only  _ reason you want to investigate Blackthorn manor.” Cordelia said not so under her breath. Lucie shot a look at Matthew. They both got up from their chairs and left the two to sort everything out. Or at least that’s what Lucie hoped they would do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra long chapter for you guys! Hope you enjoyed (sorry for the cliff hanger <3)


	22. What a Night

# Chapter Twenty Two: What a Night

Cordelia felt as if all the air in the room had been sucked out as the door shut behind Matthew and Lucie. Curse them for making her have to speak with James. James lingered by the door for a while till he decided to try to approach Cordelia. He made it a few feet before he spoke.

“Will you let me explai-”

“There’s really nothing to say.” She didn’t look at him but she could hear him inching closer.

“ _Daisy_.” James began but she cut him off.

“No.” She said firmer than she felt. “You don’t get to come and waltz in and expect to be able to call me that like _nothing_ has changed. That this is still that day of the picnic. Because it’s not. You are in love with her.” Cordelia finally faced James. His eyes bore into her’s. She could practically see his heart lurch in his chest from the mere mention of her.

"We were childhood friends."

“I don’t want to know.” Cordelia stood up prepared to leave. She was prepared to walk out that door and never look back at James. But she couldn’t. She sighed and closed her eyes. “I’ve loved you since I met you, James. When we were children. And then I fell in love with you all over again when I came here. I’ve fallen for you over and over again and no matter what I tell myself I keep falling for you. And what do you do to me? You treat me the same way she treated you.” Her voice wavered slightly, “The one person who knows how it feels not to be loved in return and you break my heart. No matter how I guard it, you come and you take it with no regard for anyone else.” She opened her eyes and James face was so filled with shock that Cordelia, herself wasn’t sure for a moment if perhaps she had made up the whole thing in her mind.

But she felt the break in her heart and so she strode past James to the door.

“You love me?” James asked incredulously. Cordelia turned to face him.

“Of course I do!” Cordelia shouted. She could feel those cursed tears threatening to escape. They had already betrayed her promise once that night. She wouldn’t let them again. James was in front of her before she had time to open the door.

“I did not know.” James said simply in a whisper. He reached for her hand. “You are smart, you are witty, and you are incredibly beautiful.” He paused collecting his thoughts. “Before that night of the picnic, I had no idea you could ever see me that way, as someone to have intentions about. I am shy, I would rather read all day than to go outside, I have the demons mark, I would have never thought that you would notice me or _want_ me. But after that night, I hadn’t been so happy in years, Cordelia. For _years_ I have been accustomed to never allowing myself to want something too much. But that night I allowed myself and the following day when you said that you were no more than second best. It destroyed me because _I know_ the feeling of being second best, not even second best.” He held her hand in both of his. “Will you please let me at least try to explain.” Cordelia couldn’t speak. No matter how much she said she did not want to know how he fell in love with the beautiful girl. _With Grace._ The curiosity bit at her heart. She walked to the chairs Lucie and Matthew had been sitting in. Her hand was still clasped in James’. A part of her still wanted to rip it out of his but the other part of her was stronger and let it rest in his slender, calloused hand.

“How did you know I was in love with her?” Cordelia looked away from James and at the pastel green wallpaper that decorated the room.

“Lucie told me the first day that I came here that you were in love and that only Matthew knew who.” James nodded and she could feel his urge to roll his eyes at Lucie’s gossiping tongue.

“We were childhood friends. Grace and I. We both were lonely and so I would visit her every night when we stayed in Idris. It was always a secret. She was my first friend outside of my family. Even before Matthew.” It was hard to imagine a time when Matthew and James were not parabatai. The two were so closely linked it was hard at times to see where one boy ended and the other began. It was not as hard to imagine a lonely and friendless James. It made her heart heavy.

“Her adoptive mother, Tatiana, is so overcome with grief and anger over her father, her husband, and her son’s death that Grace took care of her more than she did Grace. I always had mum, da, and Lucie but Grace had _no one_ . I immediately cared for her and it wasn’t much longer that I fell in love with her. It was only until this year that I told her my feelings for her and she dismissed them as if they were nothing. Like _I_ was nothing.” James paused and Cordelia found her eyes back to his beautiful face. His gaze was in his lap at his and Cordelia’s hand still intertwined. She could see how deeply Grace’s denial drove through him. His face for once was unguarded. His eyes looked tired, his entire body looked defeated.

“So you must believe me, Daisy, that I would never mean to break your heart. To make you feel as in despair as I have this year. I was so hurt that I wanted to- I wanted everything to be over, to not have to live with this fracture in my heart. I did not know I could break such a valuable thing, like your heart.”

“I know how it feels to be lonely as a child.” Cordelia began, “My family was reclusive in Paris and I would have to sneak out of the house to play with the other children in the neighborhood. My only playmate was Alastair and, as you can probably tell, he was never a fair friend.”

“My mother always favored Alastair. So, I would try so hard to win the approval of my father, I read the books he’d bring home from his travels, I’d train every waking hour with a sword I knew would never be truly mine, just because it was _his_. Yet, I was never good enough. I learned what it meant to be lonely in a crowded room from a young age.” James hand tightened around Cordelia’s. His eyes searched her own and she could see that James didn’t know her well at all. She knew what every emotion looked like on his face. But did he know that about her?

“Do you really think Tatiana is hiding something?” Cordelia asked finally.

“Yes. And it is not because I want to _explore_ Grace’s house.” There was humor in James’ voice and Cordelia could feel a smile tugging at her lips. “I am sorry for leaving you alone while we were dancing. I was startled by the sight of her and Tatiana here. I shouldn’t have left and I’m so sorry, Daisy.” He got out of his seat and knelt beside her chair. A betraying hope swelled in her heart and for a moment she allowed herself to imagine being engaged to James, being welcomed into Lucie's family. _Having a family again_ . This betraying hope told Cordelia more about herself than she was willing to admit. _Wasn’t she just yelling at him and now she was imagining herself marrying him?_

“Just give me time. Give me time to become the person you deserve.” Cordelia removed her hand from James’ and reached to brush a curl back that was hanging in his eyes. _Those eyes._ The eyes she always came back to. The one’s she saw when she closed her own. The ones her brother had tortured him over. No eyes would ever compare to James’. He placed his hand on top of her’s and moved them to kiss her palm.

 

Lucie was sitting alone in the ballroom on one of the chairs that lined the room. Matthew had gone to Thomas and Christopher to fill them in on the investigation. Lucie stretched her neck from side to side, _what a night_ she thought.

"Miss Herondale?" said a soft voice behind her. She looked over her shoulder and saw the boy she had met in Broccelind Forest.

“So you know my name, but I do not know your’s.” The boy thought for a moment.

“My name is Jesse Blackthorn.” He said in a low voice so that the surrounding guests could not hear him.

“But I know that to be impossible.” Lucie protested. “That would make you Tatiana’s son, and I know that Tatiana lost her son years ago. Why is it that I haven’t seen you since that day I saw you in the forest, and why haven’t you aged? I have.” Lucie couldn’t control the questions from fumbling out of her mouth. The boy smiled before he had a chance to hide it.

“You have many questions. And yes, you _have_ aged.” Lucie could feel the heat rising to her face.

“And you haven’t answered any.” Jesse looked over his shoulder out the door from where he came.

“I wasn’t meant to come here.”

“I don’t think your family was particularly invited.” He nodded.

“I came here hoping to see you.” Lucie looked up at the boy.

“Why?” The boy laughed.

“Choose one question and I’ll answer it.” Lucie’s mind went swirling. She should ask him how he was not dead, how he was standing in front of her. He looked just as real as she did. She looked around and from the looks of those around them, she wasn’t the only one who could see him. Instead, the question that came out of her mouth was,

“How do you still look as you did ten years ago?” Jesse sighed and looked up at the chandelier.

"I have two ages," he said. "I am twenty-four. And I am sixteen." Lucie didn’t say anything at first.

“Am I allowed another question?” She asked. His green eyes looked into her blue ones and it unnerved her a bit, but not necessarily in a bad way. Jesse nodded.

“One at a time, please.” He sat in the chair next to her and continued to stare at her and wait.

“Alright, how do you have two ages?” He looked over his shoulder back out the door before answering.

“I was dead, and now I am not. I don’t know how or why. My mother and Grace won’t say.” A shout came from where Jesse kept looking out to. “I have to go.” He stood up but not before reaching out to take Lucie’s hand. He kissed it and then disappeared out the doors. Lucie got up to follow him and saw him walking out of the Institute with Tatiana and Grace.

 

Cordelia and James reemerged in the ballroom but neither of them saw Matthew or Lucie. They turned around and nearly crashed head on to Lucie.

“There you two are!” Lucie exclaimed out of breath then remembered how she left the two of them. “Are you both alright?” She asked hesitantly. Cordelia looked to James who smiled back at her. She nodded to Lucie. “Good, because there’s something I need to tell you both, let’s find Matthew.”

They eventually found Matthew, Thomas, and Christopher in one of the spare bedrooms passing a bottle around.

“Please tell me you weren’t drinking without me.” said James with mock hurt on his face.

“Never, we were only testing it to make sure it was not poisoned before it touched your precious lips, for Delia’s sake of course.” Matthew went to cross the room to his parabatai but Cordelia kicked a spare serving tray that was lying on the floor towards him making him lose his balance. Christopher and Thomas bent themselves over laughing and falling out of their chairs. Matthew looked up at her with a rueful glare but she saw a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Only a taste, huh?” Asked James smiling at the laughing Lightwoods on the floor.

“Alright Lucie tell us.” said Cordelia taking the bottle from Thomas and taking a swig. It burned but this night had left Cordelia’s mind in a whirl wind and she desperately needed something to relax her. The bottle was taken from her hand and James took a sip. His eyes were filled with humor as they stayed on hers.

“The boy that entered with Tatiana and Grace is Jesse Blackthorn.” James nearly spit out the drink he had just taken.

“That’s impossible. He died years ago.” Thomas said.

“Who told you that, Luce? Who ever it was must of had too much champagne.” Matthew said, surprisingly being the voice of reason.

“He told me himself!” Lucie exclaimed exasperated. She took the bottle out of James’ hand and set it on the table away from them. “He said he doesn’t know how but he was dead and no he’s not and that his mother and Grace are hiding something.” They all looked between each other in shock.

“But why would he tell you this, Luce?” Cordelia asked. Lucie’s eyes drifted to the window.

“I don’t know but your parent’s and the Landcarths are dead and now he is alive. That seems suspicious to me.” She said not looking at Cordelia. She had a feeling Lucie was hiding something but she figured it would be better to ask her about it alone.

“Then we investigate Tatiana Blackthorn.” James said while leaning against the wall beside Cordelia. Matthew looked up and gave James a look but turned around before Cordelia could decipher what it meant.

Thomas reached behind Lucie and grabbed the bottle before Lucie could swat his hand away. “Cheers to investigating our mentally unstable Aunt and her ward.” He held the bottle up before taking a drink. He passed it around and even Lucie took a sip to commemorate their partnership in investigating their aunt and the girl who James was in love with.She didn’t know if this was a good idea but something inside of her began to stir at the thought of getting closer to the truth. When the bottle came to her she took a long drink from it.

“We have a mentally unstable aunt?” Asked Christopher.


	23. Trust and Truth

# Chapter Twenty Three: Trust and Truth

After more drinking and talking Cordelia and Lucie decided that taking a walk through the Institute was very much needed.

“So Jesse?” Cordelia asked once they were out of earshot, not wasting anytime. Lucie sighed.

“I probably should have told you a long time ago but,” Cordelia cut her off.

“Lucie, I love you, but you do not need to, nor are you required, to tell me every little thing. If there are things that you don’t want to share with anyone, I will respect that. We all have things sometimes that we need to keep to ourselves.”

“Like James?” Lucie asked giving her parabatai a sideways glance. Cordelia rolled her eyes.

“Alright, yes, like James. He’s your brother Lucie, I didn’t want to put you in a difficult position.”

“I love Jamie and I love you. That’s all there is to it.” Lucie paused before continuing. “James, he’s had a tough year. But I see the way that he is with you. He’s better. You can’t see it because you don't know hownhe was before. But everyone else does. Mum and Da included.” Cordelia made a sound as if to protest but Lucie didn’t accept it.

“Are you going to change the subject all evening?” Cordelia returning the sideways look at her Lucie. Lucie let out another deep sigh.

“I met Jesse when I was young. Apparently, he was a ghost but I didn’t know who he was. He was just a sickly looking boy in the forest and then he was gone.”

“You met him as a ghost?”

“You know James and I can see them.”

“Yes, I know but-,” She stopped herself and then decided to start again. “So that’s why he told you about himself being resurrected. Because you had met before when he was a ghost?”

“I suppose.” Lucie said with a shrug.

“Strange.” Cordelia said finally.

“Very.” Lucie agreed.

 

Matthew knew it was foolish but walking down the snowy pavement of London’s streets he couldn’t contain his excitement. He definitely shouldn’t have snuck out of the Institute with a hundred shadowhunters present along with his parents. But the lights and sounds of the Shadow Market always pulled at Matthew. As he got to the Market he noticed that despite the snow, the Market was still in full swing.

There was an enchantment around the market that made the snow fall around the tents and stalls and never inside. Walking down the aisles there was a warmth too which Matthew embraced. He walked past werewolves, vampires, and warlocks till he came to where some faeries were stationed. He saw a beautiful girl with red hair accompanied by an equally beautiful boy with dark blonde hair, their pointed ears peaked through their long, wild hair. But still, no sign of Adaon. No dark, rich skin. No curling dark waves. No gleaming eyes. Matthew began to walk down another aisle and tried not to become disappointed. Adaon always knew when Matthew was at the Market but Matthew hadn’t come for months while in Idris. He’d told him he’d be back Christmas Eve but faeries don’t keep track of mundane holidays. At the edge of the Shadow Market, Matthew could feel ice filled air seeping in.

“You came back.” Matthew knew that voice. He loved that voice almost as much as he loved his own. He turned around and saw the dark Prince in the shadows.

“I told you I would.”

“Yes, well, humans aren’t very good at keeping their word.” Matthew could feel the uncertainty in Adaon’s voice. He walked forward, closing the distance between them.

“Well lucky for you I am not human.” Matthew challenged.

“You are human enough.” Adaon replied stubbornly.

“And that is a bad thing?” Matthew asked humorously.

“No, but humans _and_ shadowhunters can lie. Trust is hard to find.”

“You don’t trust me?” Adaon shrugged.

“Growing up in the Unseelie Court, you don’t trust many.” Matthew felt a chill run along inside of him. His eyes ran down the boy in front of him.

“I know that I am partly mundane and can lie and that you don’t trust easily but I-” Matthew was cut off by Adaon’s hand covering his mouth and shoving him into the nearest tent. When his hand was removed Matthew let out a laugh.

“I usually like a bit of rough play but was that really necessary? I was in the midst of a beautiful, heartfelt monologue." Adaon peeked his head out of the tent and Matthew followed. Down the aisle he saw none other than Tatiana Blackthorn. “Has she been here before?”

“Yes, but not for a long time.”

“What is she doing here?” Matthew’s head raced with the information Lucie had told them earlier.

“She usually spends her time yelling at warlocks, trading with them, or hiring them.”

“Hiring them? How do you know all this?” Adaon looked back at Matthew and smiled cooly.

“Downworlders make a habit of knowing a Shadowhunters’ business when they come here.”   

“So everytime I come here, I am being stalked?” Matthew asked incredulously.

“ _Watched_. There is a difference.” Matthew rolled his eyes and looked back at Tatiana. She was in a mood tonight. First yelling at shadowhunters at the Christmas party, now yelling at warlocks at the Shadow Market. She began walking away down the aisle and Matthew began to follow until Adaon tried to pull him back. 

“That woman is not a prey to be stalked. She’s dangerous.”

“Precisely the point of why I must follow her.” Matthew wormed his way out of Adaon's grip. He rolled his eyes and huffed but followed as well. They followed her down several aisles until Matthew stuck his hand out for them to stop.

“Is this how it feels to be a shadowhunter? It’s much more dull than I thought.” Matthew shushed Adaon when Grace came out of nowhere and approached Tatiana.

“Where is he?” Grace asked.

“Avoiding me, like usual. He can never face his mistakes. Perhaps we should show him that we do not like to be kept waiting.”

“Let’s give him a few more days, Mother.” Tatiana looked at Grace coldly and then her expression changed to pride and she stoked one of Grace’s fair curls. It wasn’t a pride for Grace necessarily it looked more like Tatiana was proud of _herself_ through Matthew couldn’t fathom why. The two women turned and walked out of the Shadow Market and then seemingly disappeared. Matthew turned back to Adaon who was leaning against a stall owned by a vampire who didn't seem to enjoy having a faerie prince leaning against it.

“Finished sneaking around, Nephilim?” Adaon asked sounding not too happy.

“Adaon,” Mathew loved saying his name, it sounded like exhaling after deep breath, “that woman quite potentially may have killed my friend’s parents. I had to see what she was doing. I’m sorry if I-” and then Matthew was getting dragged again into an empty tent.

“How do you manage to find so many empty tents?”

“More and more downworlders are becoming anxious.” said Adaon

“What does that even mean?” Adaon huffed annoyed.

“Ever since that woman began traipsing through the market strange things have happened. And _I_ am not the only one who has noticed.”

“What do you mean strange things?” Matthew asked hesitantly. Adoan shook his head and began pacing the length of the tent while muttering under his breath. Eventually he stopped and slid to the floor. He looked up at Matthew with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry for your friend.”

“I’m sorry that you do not trust me.” Adaon seemed like he was going to try and say something but he didn’t. “You can’t lie.” Matthew dropped to his knees and sealed the gap between them. “I admit, I am a fan of a glorious white lie. But you are the _only_ person I don’t want to lie to.” Adaon looked like he was going to try to refute but Matthew cut him off by kissing him.

This is what he came here to do. This is why he was so desperate to leave the party. This _._ _This._

 

Lucie had left Cordelia to speak to her parents. She glanced around the room and she couldn’t help but feel like she was in a fish bowl in the enormous ballroom. No matter where she turned she’d feel lingering stares from all directions. Trying to tune the feeling of being watched down she drank some champagne that was being passed around. It made Cordelia’s head light and fuzzy; she didn’t even realize someone had come up to her side.

“You look like you hate Christmas.” Cordelia saw James smirking at her.

“I don’t hate Christmas.” Cordelia said rolling her eyes towards James. He plopped down by a nearby table. Cordelia took a seat.

“What _do_ you hate then?” Asked James looking at Cordelia lazily. She definitely had never seen this side of him.

“Are you drunk?” She asked.

“I think Matthew was trying to get me to not go with him to the Shadow Market.”

“Matthew is at the Shadow Market? Isn’t that against rules?” James nodded.

“Don’t change the subject.” James leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Cordelia let out a breath.

“I hate that I can’t seem to figure out what happened to my parents.” James opened one eye and peaked out at her. And then returned back to his resting face.

“We will, Daisy, I can feel it.”

“I believe that’s the champagne.” He peered out at her through one eye again smiling.

“What else?”

“I hate spiders.”

“Spiders aren’t so bad.”

“Don’t tell me you like them.”

“ _Like_ isn't the right word. Not minding them coexisting with me would be better put.” Cordelia made a disgusted face.

“My mother used to tell me stories about spiders crawling into your mouth while you sleep and laying eggs in your brain.” It was James’ turn to look disgusted and Cordelia began laughing and then so did James. They continued laughing for a long time until they were both out of breath. When it became silent Cordelia spoke again.

“I hate that I don’t know very much about my parents.” James leaned forward and took her hand.

“Maybe one day you will.” Cordelia would like to believe that but she wasn’t sure if she could.

“What do you hate?” Cordelia asked. James laughed and slid back into his chair.

“Alot.” He replied back shaking his head.

“Like what?” James paused.

“I hate that my parents are so happy and in love all the time. I mean, how could I ever live up to them? I know it’s foolish to think this way, especially since I love them for being so loving. How can I hate them and love them at the same time?” Cordelia didn’t speak at first and James rubbed his eyes. “You probably think I’m terrible, my problems are so little compared to yours.” Cordelia tore her gaze from James and looked out to the ballroom. There were still men and women dancing and drinking despite the late hour. The beautiful dresses and coat tails twirled to Choppin. Glasses were still flowing as the servants stood waiting to be called upon.

“Everyone has their own problems. You can’t compare them to others, they're just yours to bear.” Cordelia turned back to look at him and he was staring at her. “And I don’t think you’re foolish, James. Going through heartbreak and then having to see love in the purest form would be hard on anyone.”

“I think you’re too understanding, Daisy.” She laughed. Her heart still fluttered when he called her that. 

“Do you want to know the truth?” He nodded his head.

“When I was younger, I would put myself in the place of people I saw. If I went to the park, or rode the train, or if I was watching my parents, I would put myself in their position and try to figure out what their life might be like. When you do that, you see that everyone feels and acts for a reason. Who am I to judge someone’s reasoning?”

“But you knew what your parent’s life was like, why did you still put yourself in their shoes.” Cordelia shook her head and shrugged.

“I guess even then I felt like I didn’t know them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like every note I post is always saying sorry for not posting often enough. BUT I AM I SWEAR! Thank you everyone who reads this story and who leaves kudos and comments. I read all of them even if I don't reply and i t truly means a lot to me that you guys would not only take the time out your day to read this let alone write your thoughts about it.


	24. Four Warlocks, Three Shadowhunters, a Faerie, and a Vampire Walk into a Bar

# Chapter Twenty Four: Four Warlocks, Three Shadowhunters, a Faerie, and a Vampire Walk into a Bar

The next day their group and all their parents sat in the dining hall. They all decided it was finally time to tell everyone everything Cordelia, Lucie, Matthew, and James had found in the past few months about the murders. Once they all knew, no one spoke for a while.

“Are we sure that Tatiana is capable of this?” Gabriel asked. Cordelia couldn’t imagine how he and Gideon were feeling. Tatiana is their sister and they had practically just accused her of murder and necromancy. Maybe it wasn’t just Cordelia who felt as if she didn’t even know her family. Perhaps nobody knows their family as well as they think they do.

“We haven’t seen our sister in decades, not for lack of trying, but I think the sister we once knew is no longer here.” Gideon replied. Sophie took his hand in hers and squeezed reassuringly.

“We’ll investigate tomorrow, for now, let’s set up a plan.” Will said rising from his seat.

“What do you mean _we’ll_?” Asked Matthew. Will looked over to him.

“If Tatiana is responsible, this is too dangerous for all of you to be a part of.” Will’s face showed how worried he was.

“But _we_ are the ones who found all of this evidence.” Said James rising to his feet. “We should be the ones to go to Chiswick.”

“Jamie, please. You all have done more than _anyone_ ever expected. Let us take care of it. Of all of you” He looked around at his family and it surprised Cordelia that he meant her too. It shouldn’t have surprised her, Will and Tessa had done nothing but make her feel welcomed into their family. But it did.

“Let you take care of _it_ ?” James asked incredulously.  “This isn’t just some investigation. This is about Cordelia’s _parents_ , shouldn’t she have a part in it?” Cordelia raised her hand to James to prevent him from saying anymore but shot him a thankful glance. She didn’t need him to argue her case for her.

“I appreciate all of you taking our evidence seriously.” She paused thinking back to when she first came to London. “Just a few months ago I was scared to even admit that I thought my parent’s death was anything more than an accident.” She looked over at Tessa who was watching her with same loving look in her eyes she had when looking at her own children. “But I _need_ to be a part of this. I need to know what happened to my parents, even if it’s the last thing I do.” The last part was probably a bit dramatic of Cordelia but she hoped the drama would convince everyone to let her help.

“Cordelia, I kn-” Will was cut off by Tessa.

“Alright.” Will looked to his wife with confusion but when he saw her gray eyes like steel he didn’t speak any further. He just sighed and sat back down.

“Alright?” Cordelia asked a bit stunned to have won her over so quickly.

“When I first came to the Institute, all I wanted was to find my brother.” Tessa began, “I would have done anything to find out what happened to him. Charlotte and Henry allowed me to be a part of the investigation and I will always be thankful for that.”

She looked to her children and then to Will. She sighed when he nodded to her in agreement to whatever she was thinking.

“I will not prevent you from being a part of the missions.” She looked back at Lucie and James. “And since Lucie is your parabatai, I know that she would not let you go through this by yourself. I also can’t be allowing Lucie to do something and not James. So, you may also be a part of the investigation. For the rest of you,” she looked to the rest of the children at the table, “I can not allow you to be a part of it unless your parents approve.”

“I do hope you mean you need parental approval from those who are _under_ the age of eighteen.” said Anna while raising an eyebrow.

“Anna, this is dangerous.” Said Cecily.

“I know,” Anna’s eyes met Cordelia’s, “but it’s important.”

“I’m going too.” Said Thomas. Instead of Sophie protesting, Barbara and Eugenia did.

“Thomas, please, lets be rational.” Barbara began. Thomas’ eyes were fixed on his mother’s. She looked to Gideon who smiled at her.

“You are an adult, Thomas, you agreed to do your travel year in Spain and you have no idea how much that meant to me. I like to think that we raised you to be rational and a good shadowhunter.” Gideon smiled proudly and fondly at his son.

“You have our blessing.” Sophie finished.

“Well,” Matthew stood up from the table brushing his suit off, “all of you are mad as a hatter if you think I am not going, so, shall we come up with a plan?” Cordelia saw James smiling at Matthew but she couldn’t tell if it was for standing with them or for the book reference. Probably both.

“Matthew!” Charlotte exclaimed. Henry patted her arm.

“Lottie, James’ is his parabatai.” Charlotte glared at Will.

“If my son gets killed because of you, William Herondale, I swear by the angel I will-”

“Lottie!”

“Okay, alright!” Charlotte took a deep breath closing her eyes.

“Blessing for what?” asked Christopher finally looking up from the book he was scribbling in. Cordelia couldn’t believe he had really been oblivious to the entire conversation all morning but Matthew only pointed his dazzling smile at him.

“To catch a killer, dear Chris.”

 

“Matthew, are you positive your-” James paused, “informant will be here?” Cordelia, Lucie, Anna, Matthew, Thomas, Christopher, and James were waiting inside of the Shadow Market. When coming up with the next step to take in the investigation, everyone agreed that they needed more information. Matthew’s eavesdropped conversation on Tatiana and Grace meant that they had connections to someone in the Shadow Market. It could be nothing, Cordelia tried to remind herself, but they needed to make sure.

“Who _is_ this _informant_ of yours?” Anna asked turning to Matthew. Her arms were crossed and she squinted at him in suspicion. Matthew rolled his eyes and continued searching the crowd without answering. The seven of them were beginning to draw unwanted attention just standing in the market and they were all getting restless.

Lucie and Cordelia walked to a stall run by a women selling different kinds of potions in beautiful colored glass vials.

“Come near, ladies, I have every potion your hearts could ever desire.” Neither Cordelia or Lucie needed any potions but with the wandering eyes from the downworlders around them, it was best to look like unassuming customers as much as possible. Lucie picked up a purple sparkling vial.

“What is this?”

“Mite remover, can kill any mites from the toughest of wool or fur. Very handy for a werewolf but would burn a hole straight through pretty fair skin like yours.” Lucie scrunched her face distastefully and held the vile an arms length away from herself.

“But it smells so wonderful.” She replied to the woman disappointed. That peaked Cordelia’s attention. She took the vile from her hand and wafted it to her nose.

“Is that rose, apricot, and-” Cordelia thought for a moment recalling back to her memories in Paris, “almond?” The woman smiled delightedly.

“Yes! What a nose you have on you, deary.” Cordelia smiled back at the woman.

“It’s beautiful, I like to dabble in enfleurage myself as well, although it’s been a while.” Lucie tilted her head while looking at Cordelia. Cordelia tried to read the expression in her eyes but by the time she gave Lucie a questioning look it was gone and they continued to the next stall. That was until they noticed a boy walking towards them. He had dark hair and skin and he moved like a ballet dancer. He was handsome in the wild way in which faeries were. Cordelia and Lucie rejoined the group in time to see the faerie yank Matthew away. James made to stop the faerie before Matthew shook his head at his parabatai.

“You didn’t tell me _they_ were coming. What kind of game are you playing Matthew?” Matthew looked to the group with an apologetic glance before whispering in his ear. Cordelia suddenly felt like they were intruding on an intimate moment looking at the two of them so close whispering. It was not a way mere acquaintances acted. She looked away and saw James looking at the two of them with a worried look in his eye. She noticed Anna was smirking at the two when Lucie leaned into Cordelia and whispered.

“Well this is new.” Did James know Matthew had a relationship with the faerie, or was he just as in the dark as the rest of them. The faerie looked begrudgingly over at their group.

“Let us get this over with, follow or stay behind, for it does not matter to me. The less nephilim, the better.” And with that, he walked into the crowd of the Shadow Market. Cordelia wasn’t sure if he meant in the Shadow Market or in general. They all turned their heads to stare at Matthew who looked rather flustered.

“Well, that was Adoan, we better catch up with him before we lose him.” They followed him down several different aisles which lead them to a tent that was closed off to the rest of the market. The tent was taller than the rest of the tents and looked strangely odd for a reason Cordelia couldn’t decide. The more she tried to see why the tent looked odd her focus kept changing.

A werewolf was manning the door looking bored until Adaon approached him. He whispered in the werewolf’s ear and then the werewolf moved aside allowing them to go inside. They entered the tent which strangely didn’t look much like a tent at all. It looked as if they were in a very old building. They took in the sight, there were playing tables scattered around the room with downworlders gambling at them while siping colorful sparkly drinks that could only be made by faeries. Smoke clouded the air from cigarettes, cigars, and magic making it hard for Cordelia to get a good look at anyone’s face. Perhaps that was the point.

“Only three may come.” Adaon said firmly. Matthew nodded.

“Alright which two are coming with me?” They all looked between themselves.

“Why do you automatically get to go?” Thomas whispered harshly.

“Because this was my idea, dear Thomas.”

“I’m coming.” Cordelia said. No one argued.

“Then I am too.” Lucie said confidently.

“Lucie, I don’t think that is a good idea.” James said quietly so the downworlders playing cards would not hear. Lucie narrowed her eyes.

“And why not?” Lucie asked indignantly. James leaned into her and whispered something Cordelia couldn’t hear.

“Well then let’s go.” Anna said walking to Adoan, not waiting for an answer on whether or not she should go. Adaon led Matthew, Cordelia and Anna to a part of the room that was hidden from the rest of the gambling den. He walked to the wall and knocked four times. After a few seconds the wall began to glow and shimmer until finally they were no longer looking at a wall but a door. Adaon pushed it open and led them inside.

The room was quite lavish looking. There was plush carpet from floor to wall, velvet couches, a beautiful chandelier, and several lamps with colorful scarves draped over them casting pink and purple light across the room. Sitting on the couches were Mr. Fell and Catarina Loss accompanied by two other men.

“Catarina?” Cordelia asked. Catarina smiled looking surprised as well. “I’m so glad to see you again!” Catarina reached for Cordelia’s hand and squeezed it. Matthew and Anna looked between themselves in confusion.

“As am I, you remember Ragnor?” She said looking to Mr. Fell.

“Of course Mr. Fell, I hope you are doing well.”

“Dear God, Adaon must we have to include the nephilim.” Mr. Fell exclaimed while rubbing his eyes in irritation.

“It’s _about_ the nephilim, Ragnor, surely we can’t _not_ tell them.” Catarina met Cordelia’s eye and smiled.

“Christopher Lightwood better not be anywhere near this establishment.” He said pointedly at Matthew.

“Of course not.” Matthew said cheerily. If Cordelia hadn’t know better she would have never guessed Christopher was standing just outside the door. Mr. Fell grumbled something under his breath and turned his head studying the carpet on the walls.

Cordelia then turned her attention to the men on the couch. One of the men seated with Catarina and Ragnor had black hair and caramel skin which contrasted greatly with the other’s white hair and fair complexion. Both were extremely handsome and both had the most intriguing eyes. The man with dark hair had eyes that looked feline with dark glitter surrounding them and the second man had beautiful violet eyes that were even more vibrant than Christopher’s.

“Magnus Bane, I have heard much about you! I’m so glad to finally meet you!” Exclaimed Matthew. The man with the black hair smiled.

“I see my reputation precedes me, I hope it’s not _all_ bad.” Magnus winked at Matthew. Cordelia saw Adaon roll his eyes.

“Not at all. I’m Matthew Fairchild, my whole family has such amazing stories which include you helping them in almost all of them. My father is particularly fond of you.” Matthew looked like he was about to burst with joy.

“Ah, yes, Henry Branwell. Such an extraordinary mind for a Shadowhunter.” The man next to Magnus gave him a bored look. “Pardon me, where are my manners? This is Malcolm Fade.”

Magnus looked to Anna and focused on the pendant below her throat, “I suppose _you_ are a Lightwood.” Anna nodded and smiled proudly.

“Anna Lightwood.” Magnus looked her up and down and smiled.

“Now _you_ look like you know how to have some fun. I’m afraid your family isn’t quite known for that ability.”

“Well, I’m pleased to be giving my family a better name.” Anna replied with a smirk. Magnus laughed and then turned his attention to Cordelia.

“And who might you be?” He asked curiously. His eyes searched her’s for familiarity.

“Cordelia Carstairs.” She tried to make her voice as strong as she could but with this man looking at her so curiously with his beautiful cat eyes, it was quite hard.

“Ah, I wasn’t aware Jem Carstairs had any living relatives.”

“His father and my father were brothers.”

“It’s actually why we are here.” Matthew began. “Cordelia’s parents were killed a few months ago along with another two Shadowhunters.” Matthew looked to Cordelia and Anna before continuing. Anna gave him a nod.

“We believe someone is killing Shadowhunters.” Matthew finished. There was a silence in the room for a few moments before it was broken.

“Do you know why?” A man Cordelia hadn’t noticed was stood in the corner of the room. His pallor was pale and sickly, his face was bony and sharp along with his teeth.

“Anselm, why must you always be lurking in the shadows, come in.” Magnus said waving him into the room. Anselm hesitantly took a seat on a dark green velvet chair.

“Doesn’t that feel better, not having to stand over there,” Magnus extended his arm, pointing to the now unoccupied corner and fluttering his fingers which were filled with rings, “creepily until you speak and scare the living hell out of all of us.” Anselm huffed annoyed and sank deeper into the chair, looking as if he was trying to disappear.

“No we don’t know why.” Matthew said answering Anselm's previous questions.

“Then why are we here?” Asked Ragnor exasperated.

“We have reason to believe that Tatiana Blackthorn and her daughter Grace are suspects in this case. Last night, while here at the Shadow Market, I overheard them waiting for someone to meet with them. We just want to know if any of you have heard anything that would help us.” The room was quiet for a moment again. Magnus looked to Cordelia with sadness in his eyes and let out a deep sigh.

 

“This was a terrible idea, Jamie.” said Lucie adjusting her footing to keep from falling 60 feet to the ground. James, Lucie, and Thomas were currently climbing on the roof of the tall building, upon further investigation the tent they had previously entered was actually glamored to hide an old building which was the real home of the gambling den, while Christopher patrolled below. James laughed.

“You sound scared Luce.” James said looking behind his shoulder at her. She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at him. At that moment a rat ran along the shingles of the roof causing James to twist his ankle and lose his footing. The sound of him sliding down the roof breaking off the shingles rang through the night air.

Thomas sighed and ran after James. James tried to stop his falling by grabbing at the roof tiles but they broke off in his hand. He was getting closer and closer to the edge when Thomas leaped and caught James’ hand pulling him back over the edge of the roof. The two of them laid down on their backs breathing hard. Lucie shook her head.

“Who's the scared one _now_?” James turned his head to look at Lucie and rubbed his eyes smiling. “If you two are done destroying this building’s roof, can we get on with trying to find our parabatais?” The two of them got up, climbed their way back to Lucie, and continued climbing up the slanted roof until Lucie stopped.

“Here.” Lucie said listening to the pull of her parabatai rune.

“You’re sure?” Thomas asked dropping to his knee fishing out his stelle.

“Positive.” She replied dropping to her knees with James following as well. Thomas drew the rune on the roof carefully. When he was finished the roof rippled and then disappeared allowing them to see inside through floors down into the room in which Matthew, Cordelia, and Anna disappeared to. They could see Ragnor Fell, a  woman with the prettiest blue skin, Magnus Bane, and a man with stark white hair sitting on a couch and a vampire sitting in a chair all watching Matthew, Cordelia, and Anna in the center of the room with Adaon standing behind Matthew.

“I can’t hear anything.” James reached for his stelle drawing a hearing rune. Lucie and Thomas did the same. At first it was hard to concentrate on only the one room but eventually they were able to.

“About a year ago I was in London for a very short time.” Lucie could feel James stiffen next to her at Magnus’ words. “During that time, I received a note from Tatiana Blackthorn asking me to meet with her. I did and she asked me if I would kill five shadowhunters for her. I politely declined and she told me that if I told anyone she would make me regret it.” Magnus said shaking his head. “I didn’t, but I warned the other warlocks I knew to keep clear of her.”

“Why didn’t you say anything to the Clave? To Will and Tessa?” Matthew asked stunned. Magnus was about to speak before Anna beat him to it.

“Because the Clave would have never believed a Shadowhunter would kill it’s own.” The room was quiet. Lucie looked up at James who looked like he was going to be sick. She looked back to Cordelia who had an eerily blank expression.

“I don’t know if she was successful, bu-” Cordelia interrupted Magnus.

“She was. She brought her son back to life. My parabatai spoke to him.”

 

The group was leaving the Shadow Market when they heard someone calling after them. They turned and saw Magnus approaching them.

“Cordelia, I’d like to apologise directly to you.” He shook his head and Cordelia saw the worry and dilema in his eyes. “If I had told the Clave, maybe your parents-” Cordelia cut him off.

“Magnus, I appreciate the apology but I don’t blame you whatsoever. Even if you told the Clave, they may not have even believed Tatiana could do that. And they’d still be dead.” Magnus was silent for a moment and his eyes roamed her face searchingly. She gave him a melancholy smile before turning away she began walking out of the Shadow Market. Lucie could still see the regret and defeat in his shoulders he was about to walk away when Cordelia turned back around.

“If she needed five Shadowhunters to die to bring her son back, why were only four deaths reported?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!  
> Sorry I haven't updated in a while I have tests every week so i don't get a lot of time off of school. We are getting closer to the end of this story so i hope to post more come November. I'll be a little less busy and by December when my semester is over I will be updating frequently. BIG STUFF TO COME! A


	25. The Fifth Shadowhunter

# Chapter Twenty Five: The Fifth Shadowhunter

The walk back to the Institute was hurried and silent. Everyone was trapped in their own swirling thoughts. Cordelia could feel the sneaking looks everyone gave her, none of which she returned. Her thoughts, like everyone else’s, were consumed by why Tatianna would kill her parents and the Landscarths, and where was the fifth body? Magnus had said that Tatianna asked him to kill _five_ shadowhunters but so far only four have been reported dead.

Cordelia was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t realize when Matthew stopped walking causing her to almost run into him. They were at the Institute’s gates and Matthew’s shoulders tightened.

“Matthew, what’s going on?” Lucie asked moving to the gates to look through them. Cordelia saw several carriages lined up out front the Institute and several people being escorted inside by Will.

“That’s the Clave and several different members of England’s Enclave.”

“What are they doing here so late?” Thomas asked moving beside Lucie to get a better look. Cordelia could think of a few reasons, none of them were good.

“I’ll go.” James said moving past the gates.

“James, don’t be an idiot what if someone found out we were looking into the Blackthorns?” James gave his sister a warry smile.

“I’ll be careful.” He said, as he turned to face the Institute his body began to shimmer and disappear. It was like the particles that made him up spread apart and evaporated leaving a dark trail. It was the first time she had ever seen James turn into a shadow before her eyes and it was still strange to her that he could even do it. But it didn’t scare her, she couldn’t imagine someone being scared of James, the hatred he would get if people knew just didn’t make sense to her. The hatred he already gets because of his too unique eyes.

 

Everyone was sitting on the road waiting when James materialized in front of them. He looked pale. His shoulders were slumped like he was bearing the weight of bad news and he was breathing heavy like he was out of breath from running.

“They found a body.” James said while starting to pace. “A shadowhunter.” They were all silent for a moment.

“Well there’s the fifth dead shadowhunter.” Christopher said nonchalantly.

“Thank you for stating the obvious, Chris. So what do we do now?” Matthew said brushing the dirt off his trousers.

“Well, we know that Tatianna is the one who is responsible for these deaths. Maybe we should see if we can find any evidence.” Anna suggested.

“Where?” Asked Thomas. They were silent for a beat.

“Tatianna rarely leaves her home, maybe there’s something incriminating hidden inside somewhere that ghastly house?” said Anna. The group nodded hesitantly. They were all ambivalent at the idea of entering the nightmare which was Lightwood Manor.

“The Clave _and_ our parents would never allow us to go to Chiswick alone.” Lucie said resigned.

“Who said we’d have to tell them?” Matthew said slyly looking sideways at his friends. Cordelia inhaled deeply.

“Going into a mad woman’s house is one thing, but going against the Clave is serious. I don’t want all of you getting in trouble because of me. Or worse.” It was the first thing Cordelia had said since leaving the Shadow Market.

“Technically we aren’t going _against_ the Clave.” Said Matthew with an airy hand gesture. “We’re going _around_.”

“We’ll keep it democratic. All those for going to Lightwood Manor and finding evidence. You know the stakes, the consequences if we get caught could result in us not coming back.”

“We know the stakes, James.” Anna said cutting him off.

“No, he’s right.” Cordelia said standing up and facing the group. “You all need to know this isn’t a game, it’s not some mystery to solve to pass the time. She has killed people who were more experienced and skilled than we are. She has risked _everything_ to bring her son back, she’ll stop at nothing to keep him safe which means keeping everything it all a secret. We are threatening that and she won’t show us mercy.” Cordelia finished and everyone was silent. She looked to James who’s eyes hadn’t left her for a moment.

“All those in favor of going to Lightwood Manor?” Matthew didn’t hesitate in raising his hand.

“If we’re going to die, at least we’ll die together.” Matthew sounded too cheery while saying that statement but Anna laughed in response and raised her hand.

“Well I suppose making it to eighteen is accomplishment enough for those like us.” Thomas raised his hand. Lucie got up and went to stand by Cordelia’s side looping an arm around her in support and agreement.

Cordelia couldn’t quite believe that these people \whom some she hadn’t met but few months ago and some only a few weeks ago were agreeing to risk their lives in search of the truth for her parent’s murderer. She didn’t deserve them. She could never repay them. But she was glad she had them.

“You don’t have to come with us Christopher, you can stay here if you want.” Lucie said. The mention of his name startled Christopher.  

“Do you _all_ have questions?” He asked noticing everyone’s raised hands.

“No Chris, we are showing solidarity in volunteering for a dangerous mission.” Matthew replied.

“Oh. I’ll need my kit.”

“Your kit?” asked James confused.

“His explosives kit.” Anna clarified.

“By the Angel, why do you need that?” asked Lucie.

“For the dangerous mission we are embarking on. Should we not be prepared?” He began to stand up. Cordelia supposed that was Christopher’s way of agreeing to the plan.

“Now all we need’s a carriage to get to Chiswick.” Anna stated like it was the easiest thing in the world.

 

Since their group was so large, they decided it was best to split into two groups.  Thomas, Christopher, and Anna _borrowed_ , Cordelia used the term loosely since they hadn’t exactly ask to use it, Sophie and Gideon’s carriage. While James convinced the Institutes servants to let Cordelia, Lucie, and Matthew use the Institute’s carriage. Anna’s group would go to Cecliy and Garbriel’s apartment to pick up Christopher’s explosive kit, gear, and extra weapons and meet the rest of them at Chiswick. Cordelia’s group was to check the perimeter to make sure it was safe enough to enter until they arrived. When they all arrived, they were to enter _cautiously_ into the house and find anything that could link Tatiana to any of the murders.

 _Easy enough._ Cordelia thought.

James came back to them with the carriage, gear, and a few weapons. James and Matthew tended to the horses while Cordelia and Lucie climbed into the carriage to change.

“Do you think we will find anything?” Cordelia asked Lucie is a hushed tone. Without missing a beat Lucie replied while closing the carriage’s curtains.  

“Tatianna thinks she’s safe inside the house because no one ever goes in, when people feel safe, they become careless. If there is any evidence, I’m sure it will be in that house.” Cordelia nodded. She couldn’t stop the dreadful feeling in her stomach that something was going to go wrong.

“I wish everyone wouldn’t have volunteered.” She said under her breath. Lucie turned around to look at her. Her expression held that knowing look that she knew what Cordelia was feeling. She took Cordelia’s hand and they sat on the bench.

“If something goes wrong-”

“Someone could get seriously hurt, Luce-”

“If something goes wrong,” Lucie repeated slowly and forcefully, looking deep into Cordelia’s eyes. “It won’t be your fault.” Cordelia’s eyes began to sting. What had she done to deserve Lucie as her parabatai? Everything in her life was a complete whirlwind but Lucie was her anchor, keeping her from being sucked into the hurricane which had become her life.

The carriage jerked and began to move. A laugh fought its way out of Cordelia’s mouth. She took a deep, shaky breath, pulled back the carriage’s curtains, and saw Matthew and James in the coachmen’s seat. She opened the window and stuck her head out. The two boys looked at her with excitement on their faces.

“Thank you for the warning.” Cordelia said while giving them her best scowl which she learned from only the best, her mother and Alastair. Matthew sent Cordelia a pout. “Do you mind if I borrow your parabatai for a moment?” Matthew looked between them with a smirk.

“Are you sure you need just a moment- ouch!” James hit Matthew in the ribs. “You can take longer if you wish, I truly wouldn’t mind.” James made to smack him again but Matthew escaped his reach wearing his bright smile. Cordelia leaned back into the carriage and made room for Matthew to climb in.

When Cordelia climbed up onto the bench to sit next to James he looked over at her and smiled nervously.

“No one asked you if _you_ were sure you wanted to do this.” Cordelia said. James sighed shifting the reigns to one hand to use the other to rub his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a month. “James?”

“No one _needed_ to ask me, Daisy.” Cordelia gave him a questioning look. James let out another sigh. “You deserve to know the truth and I’m going to do whatever I can to help you get it.”

James’ eyes and her’s met and it was like the months of avoiding him never happened. She wanted so badly to push the stray curl out of his eye. It was calling out to her. It would be so easy to cross the small space between them. Lean closer to him, brush her fingertips along his brow. But then the beautiful girl- _Grace_ \- with the beautiful skin and golden hair floated into her mind.

Cordelia knew she was being unfair, James had told her that Cordelia was the one he wanted to be with. But they were on their way to her house. Now, was not the time to have a romantic moment. On the way to his first love’s home. _Very romantic._

“Well, _I_ , needed to ask. Alright?” He nodded his head and smiled. They rode in silence for a few minutes and when Cordelia looked over at him, he was still smiling.

“You really shouldn’t be smiling, it’s very probable we’ll die tonight.” James laughed at that and shook his head. His curls falling into his face.

“I can’t help it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone who has put up with my messed up uploading schedule but I'm back! hope you enjoyed! if you want updates when I post follow my tumblr @spookydru


	26. The Cruel Ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after chapter 17 when Alastair left the institute under mysterious circumstances. Enjoy!

#  Chapter Twenty Six: The Cruel Ones

Alastair had been stumbling around faerie for only the angel knows how long. He was weak, bloodied, and drunk off from the many faerie wines he had ingested. It could have been only days but it also could have been months, maybe years. One couldn’t be sure in Faerie. He hadn’t meant to stay this long, but with the constant hallucinations, he had been side tracked. The faerie had warned him of this. 

After he had left the Institute, he went to the Consuls house. He knew Charles was still staying there even though his family had already left for Idris and he had to see him one last time. The  _ real  _ Charles, not the one that was son of the Consul or the one that was engaged to Ariadne Bridgestock,  _ his  _ Charles. Alastair felt bile rising up his throat at the mere thought of Charles’ and Ariadne’s engagement. _How could Charles do this to him_. Alastair of course knew Charles had a  _ duty _ \- he gagged at that word- being the Consul’s eldest son. Alastair wasn’t daft. But he  _ was  _ desperate. 

Alastair raised his knuckles to the wooden door and hesitated for a moment. Fear and unknowing held his wrist from knocking at the door.  He remembered the last time he kissed him a few days ago at the park the day before the picnic. Alastair had been so distraught by his parent’s death and not being able to be around Charles that seeing him nearly knocked him off balance.  _ No,  _ seeing Charles  _ balanced  _ the upside down world he had been living in for months. 

If he knocked on Charles’ door right now, newly engaged, would he still kiss him? Tell him how much he loved him? Or would the  _ not his  _ Charles answer the door. Alastair backed away from the house and wandered the streets until night came and he found himself face to face with the Shadow Market. 

Alastair gasped and found himself facedown in a glittering pond. He spit out the water burning his lungs and cursed himself tasting the sickly sweet magic water dancing on his tongue. He heard soft giggling behind him and he spun around looking for the source. 

“Ali?” Alastair froze. He hadn’t heard her say that nickname in more than a decade. He slowly turned toward the voice and saw a small girl with tanned skin and dark flowing red hair. 

“Cordelia?” He asked but he knew from the minute he heard her small voice it was her. How had she gotten here? He picked himself up slowly despite his injuries and moved toward her. “It’s not safe here for you.” But Corelia backed away from him.

“Ali?” She asked again more frightened. Memories started floating into his head of Cordelia and him when they were young children. They were close then. Him and her would build castles together and read stories of great princes and princesses. 

“Are all princes and princesses good you think, Ali?” She’d asked him once. He’d never thought of it before. They had read about cruel kings and queens, but the princes and princesses had always been good in the stories they read. 

“Of course Deali.” 

“But what if the Prince used to be good but then became cruel like those wicked Kings?” Alastair thought about this. 

“Then the Princess would save him and bring him back.” Cordelia’s face fell. 

“But what if the Princess can’t save the Prince? Or what if she becomes cruel as well?” 

Something sliced through Alastair’s arm and a cry escaped his lips. He looked around and he was back in the forest but he didn’t see Cordelia anywhere. He continued stumbling through the woods and he heard the buzzing of an insect following him. 

“Cordelia!” He shouted. Another slice rang through his leg. 

“Will you agree to the terms yet, Nephilim?”

 

Alastair walked through the Shadow Market cautious to not show the downworlders how exhausted and lost he was. His sister had always chided him as being prejudice toward downworlders, however it wasn’t that he solely felt superior towards them, he felt superior towards many people who weren't downworlders. He didn’t feel like that now, however. He hadn’t felt more superior than anyone in what felt like a long time. 

He walked along the rows of stalls not knowing where he was going or why he was here to begin with. He passed a group of werewolves that snarled at him and a warlock who looked like if he stopped at her stall, she would put a curse on him. A faerie with green leafy skin beckoned him to her stall, he thought about continuing walking but something made him turn into her stall. 

“Why do you look so sad and lost, poor nephilim?” Alastair felt ashamed that this faerie had seen right through his facade. He made to leave but her voice drew him back. 

“It’s a boy, isn’t it?” Fear and anger seared in his body and as he opened his mouth to ask how dare she- she waved her hand at him in dismissal and turned to look through a box on the table. 

“Don’t worry, nephilim. We fair folk do not judge who thee choose to love.” She turned her head back to Alastair and smiled which showed her teeth that were sharpened into points. “Can you say your own Clave is as understanding as we?” When Alastair said nothing she laughed to herself, “and you nephilim say  _ we  _ are the cruel ones.” 

“Why did you bring me in here? To ridicule me?” Alastair asked the faerie. She smiled again. Alastair had never thought a smile could be so menacing. 

“Of course not, although I cannot say I am not enjoying the turn of events. But no, nephilim. I need a favor from you.” It was Alastair’s turn to give a laugh. 

“Why would I ever do a favor for you?” Alastair asked halfway out of the tent. 

“Because I can take this pain of heartbreak from you.” 

 

“I can’t!” Alastair yelled at the woman’s voice haunting him in the forest. 

“You will.” Echoed the voice through the trees. Alastair started to run but tripped over a vine and landed on the unforgiving ground hard. He tried to get up but a vine wrapped around his ankle keeping him from fleeing. He turned to search his coat for a dagger but when he turned back to the vine it changed to a hand. 

“Al, please, don’t do this.” Charles pleaded. He was covered in mud and blood just like him. 

“Charles?” asked Alastair breathlessly. 

“Please, Al. Help me!” Charles asked with tears streaming down his face. 

“How? What’s wrong?” Alastair could feel tears streaming down his own face. 

“Don’t kill me, Al. Please!” Alastair heard a buzzing a braced for another slice. When none came he looked around for the insect. 

“Al, please, no!” Alastair looked back to Charles and found himself on top of him with a dagger to his throat. Charles took Alastair’s hand in his own and brought it to his mouth laying soft delicate kisses on it. He felt his grip loosen on the blade and then came the slash along his face. 

Alastair opened his eyes and his hands flew up to his neck that was being crushed by thick, tangled vines. He could see his vision going in and out as he was dying and then the dagger shone beside him. He extended his arm but it was just out of reach. Alastair used his other hand to try to break off the vines around his neck but more vines sprouted up from underneath the Earth and wrapped themselves around his arm. 

“Agree to the terms.” Echoed the voice tauntingly. 

Alastair could feel his lungs burning but he tried again for the dagger as hard as he could. He could feel his muscles and tendons screaming at him and he used the last of his strength to wrap his long fingers that his father often chided him about being an artists fingers, not a warriors; grabbed the dagger and swiped it along his neck where if there had not been thick vines, surely would have killed him. The vines recoiled at the the blessed steel and air flooded his lungs. Alastair gasped and coughed trying to get as much air as he could before stumbling to his feet and continued to run. 

He heard more giggling and it boiled his blood.

“Who are you?” He screamed into the forest. “Show yourselves!”  But only silence answered him. Silence and an insect’s buzz. 


	27. Little Blade

#  Chapter Twenty Seven: Little Blade

Most days were the same in Blackthorn manor. They included the empty, dust veiled rooms belonging to ghosts Grace could not see; the chill breeze that never seemed to warm even in the summer, lightly disturbing the pale curls around her face sending another chill down her neck; the kitchen and dining hall that were always scattered with uneaten food on trays long forgotten by her mother. The creaking and other strange noises that came from the old house were both a sort of comfort and nightmare. In a way they were like childhood friends of hers. The noises were sometimes so quiet one couldn’t be sure if they were real or in one’s head. Other times they were so loud she couldn’t sleep. These were what her days were filled of. 

There of course were days that strayed from the monotony that she was used to. Like the days when she visited her cousins the Lightwood sisters, or like the day she had awaken to find her dead older brother alive and walking about the house. But today she hadn’t imagine anything of the sort happening. 

Today, her mother was out of sorts, well, more out of sorts than usual. If she saw Grace she would go into a full blown monologue about how important her little blade- or as her mother liked to say it  _ petite lame _ \- was to her and her plans. So Grace kept to parts of the house where her mother didn’t frequent as long as she could until she was called for. And at night she would hear the patter of her mother’s feet walking about the house all night. 

It had gotten easier with Jesse back. Grace no longer had to worry about black magic or warlocks or her mother’s past. And he was the only one Grace could confide in about their mother and the black magic which surrounded them and their house. Though these days, Jesse looked just as lost as their mother. Wandering the halls, with the same haunted look.

It wasn’t easy living with ghosts, but they were the only family she had. And she would do anything she could to protect them. 

 

“Grace!” She heard her mother call. She was sitting on the floor of her room and held the book she was reading close to her. “Grace!” she closed her eyes and exhaled a long breath. Grace collected herself in preparation for whatever this conversation might hold, closed the book and went to her mother. 

Tatiana was in the sitting room waiting for her in the fuschia dress she had been wearing when her husband died. His blood was still stained on it. Much like this entire house. If she went into her grandfather’s study she would be able to see the messages he had written in blood before he had been overcome by demon pox. 

“Grace, that god forsaken warlock has not been seen anywhere, we are going to have to find him before he does something he’ll surely regret.” Grace closed her eyes and sighed. 

“Me.” She said quietly. 

“I beg your pardon?” A pause. 

“ _ Me. I  _ am the one who is going to have to find him and silence him.” Her mother smiled. 

“I hope you don’t mean to tell me you expect  _ me  _ to leave your brother all alone here.”  _ Composed, merciless, poised. Composed, merciless, poised. Composed, merciless, poised.  _

“Of course not,  Mama.” 

“Good. You’ll go tomorrow.” Tatiana got up from the couch and began to walk away. 

“Mother?” Tatiana turned around. 

“Yes?”

“If I died,” She turned to face her mother, “would you bring me back like Jesse?” Her mother’s face turned into a faint smile. 

“Of course, my darling petite lame.” 

 

When the four of them got to Blackthorn manor they thought it would only take a little while for Anna and the rest of them to catch up but as the night drew darker, they knew it was time to decide. 

“It’s now or never.” James said after only the angel knows how long of silence. 

“We should wait for them, we can’t do this just ourselves.” Lucie continued persistently. 

“We went to Cornwall and found the third fire by ourselves.” Matthew pointed out. 

“But Cornwall didn’t have at least three rogue shadowhunters ready to defend themselves.” Cordelia said quietly, both Lucie and James flinched imperceptibly. 

“They aren’t ready to defend themselves. They don’t know anyone is on to them.” James looked to Cordelia. “What do you say? Are you ready to find something to connect them with your parent’s murder?” Cordelia sighed. Of course she was but she could feel her parabatai’s uncertainty. 

“What’s the plan?”

“Get in and get out as quickly and quietly as possible?” Matthew suggested. Lucie rolled her eyes and readjusted her daggers and seraph blade one last time before getting out of the carriage. The rest followed suit. They slipped around the sides of the manor and entered at various points on various levels. Matthew went with James while Lucie went with Cordelia. 

Cordelia took one more look at the two boys just before they slipped out of sight. Just a ruffle of blond and black locks was what she saw and she prayed to Raziel and whatever God was up in the sky tonight to protect those two heads and her parabatai to make it out of this decrepit manor alive. 

She heard Lucie’s footsteps get further away so Cordelia pulled herself away to follow her. They looked in the dark, frosted windows. She couldn’t see any witchlights or gas lamps inside but knew better than to think no one was home. Cordelia pulled out her stelle and drew an open rune on the window and with a  _ pop  _ the window was open. 

The two slipped inside and had to stop themselves from gasping. The inside of the manor matched the outside with dead vines that had once overgrown inside the house tracing the walls. There was dust everywhere and decades old furniture cluttering the house. 

The air inside the house was somehow even colder than the winter night outside and Cordelia could see her breath as she exhaled. Lucie and her shared a look that said neither of them wanted to stay longer than necessary so they scoured room after room looking for anything. Strange enough they didn’t run into Matthew and James once even when they made it to the second and third floor. It made Cordelia nervous but she moved the thought away, she needed to stay focused. 

“Cordy?” She heard Lucie’s whisper down the hall. Cordelia followed her voice and saw her looking a door that was larger, darker, and older looking than the rest. They gave each other a hesitant glance before trying to push it open. When it didn’t budge even under the opening rune Lucie’s eyes motioned to Cortana. Cordelia looked at her like she had lost her mind. 

“Are you mad, Luce? You want me to hack away at the door? Surely, that won’t wake the whole house!” Cordelia argued as loudly as she could in a hushed tone. 

“I’m not saying to hack away at the door, I’m saying to cut away at the lock or at the hinges.” Lucie motioned to the edges of the door, “Anywhere, so we can try to pry it open.” 

Cordelia looked hesitantly at the door. “All I’m asking is to try.” Lucie said softly. Cordelia took a quick sweep of the hallway with her eyes to make sure none of the Blackthorns had woken up and when she was satisfied she turned reluctantly towards the old door. Lucie gave her an encouraging nod. 

Cordelia reached behind her back and felt the cold metal hilt of Cortana. Just touching it sent a charge through her body. She grabbed the hilt and unsheathed the short sword, she remembered the day she first held it. She never thought it would be truly hers, Cordelia could feel electricity and adrenaline coursing through Cortana into her. Her parents always expected that Alastair would be the one to inherit it. She turned the blade over in her hand so she could read the inscription etched into the metal. 

_ Of the same steel and temper as Joyeuse and Durendal. _

Without thinking she pressed the tip of the blade to the door and the door glowed bright. Lucie and Cordelia both took a step back while the door began to glow brighter and began vibrating. Cordelia prayed to Raziel and whatever God was up there that it didn’t burst and wake the entire house. 

The bright light shining from the door began to glow an eerie cool blue and then suddenly the door stopped vibrating and swung open. 

Cordelia and Lucie looked to each other hesitantly once again. From what they could see, the room behind the door led to a set of stairs, although, calling it a set of stairs was a bit generous. Cordelia wasn’t sure if it would carry their weight at all, but she walked into the room and tested the first step and then the second and so on with her parabatai right behind her. 

At the top was a very narrow walkway. Cordelia was about to take a step toward it when Lucie grabbed her arm.

“You aren’t really thinking of walking that, you aren’t  _ that  _ reckless are you?” 

“A locked door that was impossible to open with runes lead to a staircase and we aren’t going to see where it leads?” When Lucie didn’t look convinced Cordelia added, “It seems to me like the perfect place to hide evidence where the clave can’t find it.” 

Reluctantly Lucie pulled out her stelle and marked several sure footedness and balance runes on both of them before nodding for Cordelia to continue. 

The two of them walked along the walkway taking great care to step around missing planks or termite-made holes. They got to a stretch of the walkway where the wall on their left side stopped and a railing began. They looked out and saw that they were at the very top of the mansion and they could see all the way down to main floor. 

Cordelia could see someone moving downstairs and before she even had a chance to see that it was the boys a loud crash reverberated throughout the house. 


	28. Great Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger guys I couldn't resist lol. Maybe this will hold you over for a little? xx love you guys!

#  Chapter Twenty Eight: Great Expectations

Grace Blackthorn was always plagued with terrible nightmares. Ever since she was a little girl she remembered waking up to the sounds of her own screams in a puddle of sweat, gasping for breaths of air. A normal child’s parents may have held their child and sang them back to sleep. But not Tatiana, it was as if she was so consumed by her own nightmares she never heard Grace’s screams or noticed the bags under her eyes from being too scared to fall back asleep. 

Her dreams were mostly of demons attacking her home in which would result in her having to defend it on her own with no weapons or stelle, just her bare hands punching and crawling at the faces of monsters and demons. Their ichor burning her flesh and the smell of sulfur overpowering her senses while tearing her apart and Tatiana screaming in horror as she watched another member of her family die.

Sometimes though, her nightmares were of demons and monsters tearing apart another home. Not Lightwood manor, but a different home somewhere in the countryside. A family of shapes and blurs she could never make out except that they shared her same blonde locks. In her dream she would see them fighting off the demons but not quite fast enough, leaving her alone in a house all by herself while demons sniffed around eating the once valiant shadowhunters and diminishing them to heaps of flesh and bone. 

But those were just dreams, her real life was filled with even more hateful and dangerous scenes. One that particularly haunted her was being made to break her best friends heart. James had always been sweet and loving to her, sharing his stories with her that provided her an escape from the life in which she lived when she was a child. As they got older, the Herondale’s trips to Idris became infrequent as did her own. Her mother preferred Chiswick to Idris because of the isolation and the lack of shadowhunters. 

When she had seen him again, Grace barely recognized him. He had grown much taller, when they were children Grace was always a smidge taller, but he had a head on her now. His body was no longer a scrawny boys but a lean, muscular man’s. His eyes were the same though, those unusual eyes were a dead give away.

 

_ Grace and Tatiana had been walking the streets of London close to nightfall so that they could go to the Shadow Market. They had split up when Tatiana realized she was missing herbs they needed for a trade with a warlock and had sent Grace to fetch them for her. Grace had been reading over the paper list memorizing the herbs when she bumped into James. Quite literally. James had several books in his arms and while trying to manage them all didn’t see Grace not paying attention to where she was going. She nearly fell into the street but James had dropped all his books so he could catch her.  _

_ “Thank you,” She said simply, searching the familiarity in his face. “James.” She finally said and smiled at her old friend. Her only real friend besides Barbara and Eugenia Lightwood.  _

_ “Grace.” he said breathlessly. His eyes danced at the sight of her and she fought the blush that tried hard to rise on to her face. A skill Tatiana had taught her as not to give power to any flattering men. She’d helped him pick up his books and he picked up her list that had dropped during the collision.  _

_ “Do you need help finding these? Some of them are quite rare.” He asked still crouching on the pavement looking up at her. She looked around nervously as if Tatiana was hiding somewhere watching. She was very untrusting and vengeful towards men and if she saw Grace talking to James she wasn’t sure what her mother would do.  _

_ “You look like you have your hands full.” She replied, not quite wanting to turn down the company. He adjusted the books in his arms and smiled at her.  _

_ “I don’t mind. I’m returning them to the Library, it’ll be quick.” Grace looked puzzled at him. _

_ “Doesn’t the Institute have it’s own Library?” She asked. James blushed a bit and looked away.  _

_ “Well yes, but I’ve read all those.” Grace laughed. She shouldn’t have been surprised. She hadn’t known when she was younger but eventually she realized that the stories James had told her as a child weren’t just fixtures of his own imagination but of book he had memorized from reading over and over.  _

_ As they walked to the library they collected some herbs from passing carts that they needed from her list. One of the cart owners struck up a conversation with them at the sight of one of James’ books and his eyes lit up with passion of talking about a book with a fellow reader. Grace wished she had something she was so passionate in that you could see it in her eyes. But that would have gone against all of Tatiana’s rules.  _

_ They continued walking till they reached the London Library. James waved to an older mundane couple and gave them his pile of books. Grace was mesmerized by the amount of books covering the walls. She had to strain her neck to get a glimpse at all them. James took her hand smiling at her wonder.  _

_ “I want to show you something.” He led her through a maze of rows filled with books. All of them had such beautiful covers and bindings. Some looked as if they had just been published while others looked like they had been loved for a long time.  _

_ James finally stopped at a shelf that had a sign at the top that read:  _ The Works of Charles Dickens.  _ Grace ran her fingertips along the beautiful bindings reading the names of each.  _ A Christmas Carol, Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, David Copperfield, A Tale of Two Cities. 

_ “They’re all so beautiful.” Grace said in a whisper. James slid one of the books out but he did it so quickly she couldn’t see the title. He held it behind his back and gave her a playful grin.  _

_ “Are you hungry?” He asked and she nodded. They bought the remaining herbs and sat down at a quiet cafe while eating some pastries.  _

_ James sat down at a table with his back facing away from a window away from the other customers and she took the chair facing him. He talked of his parabatai and of the mischief they would get into with the Lightwood boys. His eyes lit up talking of his friends in the same way they would when he talked about books he loved. He wasn’t the same lonely boy she had met in Idris and it made her heart warm to her surprise that he had found such good friends. She wished she had had the same luck. He took the book he had bought from the Library and slid it across the table to Grace. She read the title and she smiled down at it.  _

_ James became suddenly quiet while staring into her eyes. She’d wondered if her coldness had come out again. For so long training herself to be cold and distant she felt like a whole other person sitting here with James. She felt like she was thawing and with his company and friendship, maybe she wouldn’t need the defenses, the cold.  _

_ Out of the corner of her eye she saw a dirtied fuchsia dress come into view in the window and she nearly jumped. She heard James ask her something but she couldn’t process the words. Tatiana’s eyes narrowed at her in a cruel way. James reached out and touched her hands that were shaking on the table.  _

_ “Grace, are you alright?” She shook her head and looked back out the window but Tatiana was gone.  _

_ “What did you say?” She asked her mind still whirling. She began to push the pastry away and stood up.  _

_ “I asked if perhaps I could see you again, we could have dinner or a picnic or anything that you wanted.” He said nervously. Grace looked back out the window and still saw nothing.  _

_ “Can I have a just have a moment, I won’t be long.” But she didn’t wait for James to reply before rushing out the door. She searched the streets and at a park across the road she saw her. She ran to her despite the feeling in her stomach telling her to stop and turn around.  _

_ “Mama, I-”  _

_ “Save it, were you on a outing with a new lover, dear?” Despite the term of endearment her voice was like ice.  _

_ “No, he’s just a friend. Truly I-” Tatiana put a hand up.  _

_ “Grace, how many times have I told you that men always destroy what they touch. That to break their delicate egos and hearts is the only way to teach them to behave.”  _

_ “Mama, no! Please!” Grace pleaded.  _

_ “Do not make a scene.” Her mother snarled. Tatiana was glamoured but the mundanes in the park and across the road could see Grace begging at the air. “You know what you have to do.” Is all she said.  _

_ “But he isn’t like the others Mama! He is kind and thoughtful and a worthy friend.” Her mother rolled her eyes. _

_ “You naive child, one look and I could tell he was in love with you. Who could blame him.” She gestured at Grace. “Blades do not have feelings. Blades do not have wants. Blades do not love anyone but their wielder.” Tatiana stalked off leaving Grace with a pit in her stomach as she crossed the road back to the cafe. She could see James through the window. He looked worried with his black eyebrows knitted together. Grace took a deep breath committing their day to memory knowing it would be the last one they would ever share.  _

_ She entered the cafe and sat down across from James, her face a blank, emotionless wall. James looked relieved to see she had come back but was still worried.  _

_ “I’m glad you’re alright, did something happen?” He asked. But she wasn’t alright. She never would be. Because she’d always be alone.  _

_ “I have to go back to Chiswick with my mother. I have to go.” Grace tried to leave it at that but James grabbed her  hand.  _

_ “Wait, tell me how to see you again.” Grace’s heart broke as she took a breath in. She wished he would have just let her go. But he was James, and James was kind and loyal and loving. She could see the love in his eyes, the love Tatiana could see. She wished that love would never leave his eyes but she wasn’t daft. She knew what would happen when she opened her mouth.  _

_ She recounted the words Tatiana had ingrained into her mind. Into her soul. The words in which she was to live by since she was a small child.  _ Composed, merciless, poised. Composed, merciless, poised. Composed, merciless, poised.  _ She was a blade, a dangerous weapon that had no use for kind boys with loving, unusual eyes. She took in a shaky breath but her words were strong. _

_ “Why would I want to see you again?” She asked. James’ eyes flashed in confusion.  _

_ “I-” James began but Grace couldn’t let him finish. She just needed it to end. _

_ “There’s no need for you to ever see me in Chiswick nor in Idris.” She made her voice sound bored. Like this conversation meant nothing to her. “I’m bored with you, you are as uninteresting as you are plain. I don’t wish to ever be around you again. Do you understand?” She stared daggers at James who looked like he had shrunk in size. He looked away from her and she took that as her cue to leave but before she left she couldn’t help herself from sliding the book into her arms before James could see and rushed out of the cafe with tears streaming down her face.  _

_ She wrapped her arms around her clutching the book and bag of herbs against her walking against the cold London wind. She hated herself. At least James would be safe not being around Tatiana or her. The streets were a blur in her teary eyed vision, she drew a glamour rune on her arm, wincing not at the pain but of the reprimand Tatiana would give her knowing she drew a rune on her arms. Apparently, it wasn’t ladylike but she didn’t care, not right now. She was so lost in thought she didn’t notice Tatiana was waiting for her until she was standing in front of her.  _

_ They stood in front of each other for a moment neither saying a word.  _

_ “Did you get the herbs?”  _

_ “That was vile, what you made me do, and vile that you made me do it." Grace said, slamming the bag of herbs into Tatiana’s chest. Tatiana narrowed her eyes at Grace.  _

_ “Careful, little blade, we have work to do.” They walked together in silence to the Shadow Market as it began to rain. Grace wiped away her tears and slowed down a little bit so she was behind Tatiana, she took the book James had given her out of her coat and touched the embossed title on the book.  _ Great Expectations  _ by Charles Dickens.  _

_ She thought it a cruel kind of irony. James’ great expectations to court and give his love to her and Grace’s to have a friend like James. She wiped away the raindrops that had gathered on it and she placed the book back in her coat to keep it safe and walked into the Shadow Market with Tatiana at her side.  _


End file.
